About to become homeless...advice please

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

I'm in a desperate situation and the moment and would really appreciate some advice/input. I have posted before on PI about a toxic family environment but it has really come to a head again.

To quickly summarise my background, I am in my mid twenties, lost my job a few months ago and was forced to move home as a result of this and not being able to afford rent any longer particularly given the current rental climate.

I knew there would be issues with me moving home and that it would be difficult. I was prepared for this as I kept telling myself the situation is only temporary. There is a long history of verbal and emotional abuse with one of my parents since I was a child (need a separate thread for that)

While I am grateful for my parents allowing me to move in, I can no longer neither physically or mentally take the daily screaming matches or abuse. I have respected that it is their home and not had one visitor in 4 months, applied to loads of jobs, done professional exams to increase my chances of getting employment, cook, clean, pretty much done my level best not to get lazy at home but the last few days I can no longer even sleep such is the level of upset the insults, name calling and constant tension is causing to me.

Nothing is ever resolved and things flare up again a few days later but I can't take any more. They haven't asked me to leave yet but I really cannot stay. I know they will taunt me that I am running away etc but life is unbearable there at the moment and nothing ever changes.

Basically, as I'm on social welfare and have been paying bills etc at home and paying off education loans I don't have enough money saved for a deposit for somewhere to live and am looking for some information about any options that might be open to me that I'm not aware of.

I looked on daft in cheapest areas (based in south west) and I can afford one months rent in a house share but I don't have money for a security deposit. I don't want to ask but does anyone know if SW can advise me re this? My other option is to stay with friends for a few nights in Dublin but to be honest I really don't want to. I have kept my home situation private and they would be in disbelief if I had to explain all that has gone on...I'm embarrased. My only other options after that would be to sleep in my car (which is dangerous and crazy and I would never do) or try sell it but it's very old, or to try get in touch with some homeless services. I don't feel needy enough for these if you know what I mean or know where to start even. I don't have any aunts etc to turn to either as we never were in touch growing up.

I would really appreciate any advice at all at the moment. I have my stuff packed and am going in the morning, I don't have the option of staying on for a few days longer as tonights blow out has made me realise its something I should have done a long time ago.

J.

LegacyUser

Stop paying all loans immediately, until you get your housing sorted out.

Stop paying bills at home also and get the money together to get to a house share as quickly as you can. Basically prioritise all monies into getting into a house share and when you get there you can review and get back to paying loans etc... although to be honest while on welfare the loans can wait imo.

Also it could be worth borrowing to get the deposit for a house share?

And talk to your friends, there is no need for you to hide your parents behaviour, you are only protecting them but you need to be able to talk about what is happening to you.

You might also try womens aid if you are female and definitely speak to the CWO and citizens info for advice also.

But I think if you can get a deposit for a house share together just go.

LegacyUser

Op here, thanks for the response.

I don't have enough money for a deposit yet, will try save the majority of my social welfare for the next 2 weeks or so and hopefully I will. I am checking into a cheap b&b tonight as I don't really know what else to do but I will worry about that tomorrow...for now I just need to try sleep. Tomorrow, I will see if the bank can give me an overdraft or something and if not, I will approach the social welfare.

I wish I had the strength to walk away from my mother without huge guilt but something keeps pulling me back, probably the worry that something will happen to us and we will have been on bad terms or that she is still my mother at the end of the day but I'm just distraught at the way she speaks to me with such venom and enough is enough.

Rubberchikken

i'm sorry you're dealing with this. could you speak to your local st vincent de paul. they may be able to help.
i realise you'd be embarrassed to ask your friends, but you don't need to give chapter and verse, just say you could do with a place for a bit while you get security deposit together as no space at home etc.

good luck

Neyite

Sadgal wrote: »

Op here, thanks for the response.

I don't have enough money for a deposit yet, will try save the majority of my social welfare for the next 2 weeks or so and hopefully I will. I am checking into a cheap b&b tonight as I don't really know what else to do but I will worry about that tomorrow...for now I just need to try sleep. Tomorrow, I will see if the bank can give me an overdraft or something and if not, I will approach the social welfare.

I wish I had the strength to walk away from my mother without huge guilt but something keeps pulling me back, probably the worry that something will happen to us and we will have been on bad terms or that she is still my mother at the end of the day but I'm just distraught at the way she speaks to me with such venom and enough is enough.

Negotiate with the B&B for a cheap longer term rate. Its the perfect time of the year for it, because the months between Christmas and Easter are the quietest tourist-wise, so even a smaller but steady income will be welcome for a month or three. Look into hostels too.

LegacyUser

Sadgal wrote: »

I wish I had the strength to walk away from my mother without huge guilt but something keeps pulling me back, probably the worry that something will happen to us and we will have been on bad terms or that she is still my mother at the end of the day but I'm just distraught at the way she speaks to me with such venom and enough is enough.

Dont be worrying about guilt and walking away etc...

Your only priority here is to get a safe roof over your head so you are not being subjected to emotional abuse daily.

You are not even in a position to feel anything properly because you have been suffering under tremendous stress and fear and worry etc. It can be very difficult to see these situations clearly from the inside, you have no perspective.

Forget guilt and dont be worrying about your future relationship with your mother, that can all be dealt with and sorted when you are at a safe calm distance and not living under her roof suffering her outbursts.

Your mother is not looking out for you, you have to look out for yourself. You dont need to go in a blaze of glory, just quietly get yourself into a safe environment and then when you have had a chance to gather yourself emotionally and get your financial situation under control you can decide how you wish to proceed with her.

Slutmonkey57b

Talk to your friends. That's what friends are for. They might be shocked but that's only because people aren't supposed to go through what you are.

Even if they can tide you over for a month, then you've got somewhere to get yourself together.