Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Husband is porn addict

  • 31-12-2014 4:22pm
    #1
    derstern
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12 ✭


    I'd appreciate any help/suggestions on my situation:

    A couple of months after we got engaged I found my partner masturbating to porn online. He confessed to doing it very frequently for hours at a time even when I was in the house. I was extremely upset and eventually he agreed to go to counselling/sex therapist together.

    Our sex life at the time was dwindling, only ever when I initiated it and he would often reject me. My partner has never been able to ejaculate in me during sex, which is due to years of excessive masturbation to porn. The sex therapist gave us a programme to help this and the porn addiction. We put a firewall on our internet so no porn sites could be accessed.

    After a few months doing the sex therapist's exercises my partner came in me and we got pregnant the second time he did so. We were overjoyed and now have a lovely healthy baby.

    During pregnancy and up to now our sex life has been pretty much non existent. Due to my age (I'm 39) we agreed we'd try to get pregnant soon again. However my partner's ejaculation problem is back to what it used to be. I suggested artificial insemination but when he ejaculated into a container - it was urine!

    I have being trying to be very patient with him and let things develop like they did the last time. However last night I walked in on him masturbating to online porn, he had found a way around the firewall and has been doing it for months. I am absolutely devastated as he knows that doing porn again is a deal breaker for me. I feel I can't trust him anymore and am very confused on how to deal with this now.

    Many thanks x


Comments

  • #2
    Buona Fortuna
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭Buona Fortuna


    Hi Destern,

    I held on replying to this to see if someone came up with a good answer :(.

    I imagine if your husband had been an alcoholic and had similarly been through AA and was now back drinking we would be in a similar situation. There's not so much to be done for an addict who does not want to help themselves, I'm afraid.

    A couple of things to think about rather than answer:

    # Has your sex life all been about making babies? Its just an impression I get from your post. That can be a turn off. That sex is no longer a fun thing but something we do to a purpose, like a job.
    We were overjoyed and now have a lovely healthy baby.
    # Was your OH as equally overjoyed?
    I suggested artificial insemination but when he ejaculated into a container - it was urine!
    # Were you present when this occurred? It could indicate a medical problem.


  • #3
    derstern
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12 ✭derstern


    Hi Buona Fortuna, thanks for your reply and questions.

    No far from it, while it was something we both wanted having children was never the focus of our sex life. If it was all I wanted from our sex life I wouldn't have remained with a man who couldn't ejaculate. When we got together first the sex was very frequent and enjoyable. But yes, I know actively 'trying' for a baby puts a lot of pressure on him, but the problem was there ever before we considered children.

    Yes he was overjoyed and is delighted to be a father and equally wants to have another child. He is a great father, very hands on and our daughter means everything to him.

    Yes I was there when it happened and also thought there could be a medical issue. I asked him to go to the doctor which he did. Their response was that as he ejaculates semen when he masturbates it isn't a biological issue.

    It has been a difficult few days for us. He knows he is an addict and hopefully this is just a relapse. He has an appointment with the sex therapist today and has promised me he will join SLAA (sex and love addicts annon).

    I think I just have to forgive him and try and understand. We will take it one step at a time and try and rebuild the trust.

    Thanks again.


  • #4
    Buona Fortuna
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭Buona Fortuna


    Yes I was there when it happened and also thought there could be a medical issue. I asked him to go to the doctor which he did. Their response was that as he ejaculates semen when he masturbates it isn't a biological issue.
    We might be a cross purposes here:), and I don't mean to fire a load of questions at you, its just the way I think.

    You were present when he masturbated and ejaculated urine?

    Did you go to the Doctor with him?

    You see what I'm getting at? If you saw him ejaculate urine you know there's a problem.

    Another possibility is that he produced the sample on his own, and you don't know what was said to or by the Doctor. You know how decieving and manipulative an addict can be?


Advertisement