Minecraft

dashcamdanny

Does any of you have any experience with their children playing minecraft?

My son who is 11 has his own laptop.

It is quite secure and has windows 8 parental security set up on it, which means I can monitor his internet activity, block websites and set time limits and curfew hours on his activity .

But today he was on Minecraft multiplayer which is basically a massive chat room depending what server he is in.

I overheard one of his online friends and school friend describe him as annoying to others online. My son brushed it off, but I went nuts and cut him off. It sounded like bullying to me, or am I over reacting??

He loves playing it, I really dont want to ban him, but there must be a safe place where these kids can play online together without meeting strangers and bullies.

He thinks I am being over protective... but he would say that..

CrazyRabbit

Have you asked your son about it? How did he feel about being described as 'annoying'? Was he deliberately trying to be (as a joke)? Does he feel bullied? Was this a one-off thing or does he regularly get comments like this?

You won't be able to choose an appropriate reaction until you know the answers to these questions.

RubyGirl

I think the problem is your son playing games online. My son and daughter play minecraft on ps4. I would'nt let them play online though.
Unless it's linked to only kid's he know's you don't know what strangers are going to say to him until it's said.

Maybe he was annoying someone, do you know the age group of the other online player's?

dashcamdanny

Imm .

I was annoyed. I am also a little upset that he was not annoyed at being insulted.

zanador

You're absolutely doing the right thing by monitoring his online behaviour but you can't use it to control him. You are punishing him for something he didn't do and doesn't seem bothered by. Kids say awful things to each other both on and offline and are used to being called names by others - just keep an eye to make sure it's not an ongoing thing. Also, I think that if you come down really hard on a small thing like this then he his less likely to come to you in the future with a really big issue for fear of you banning him off the games he likes.
You really have my sympathy, negotiating the Internet is difficult - all we can really do is keep the communication lines as open as possible. My 9 year old tells me already that he can 'just google' how to bypass an parental control or router blocker I put on and if I change the wifi password he can just reset the factory settings on the router.. He doesn't do it because we make it a discussion rather than an issue (I am REALLY looking forward to when he is a teenager)

A Primal Nut

dashcamdanny wrote: »

Imm .

I was annoyed. I am also a little upset that he was not annoyed at being insulted.

Given that it's his school friend and it didn't bother him it sounds like playful slagging. It's normal between boys at least.

If he was bothered by things like that I would be more worried as it would suggest he was insecure or maybe that it was more than just slagging. As it is, it seems normal enough. I remember when I was a boy myself and my friends would call each other much worse things than that. It's not something you can protect him from.

That said there can be a fine line between slagging and bullying depending on the circumstances so if he was noticeably bothered by it, it would be a different story.

dashcamdanny

Thanks for your replays.

Ground rules have been set. For the moment he must keep an open mic while playing and only with either his mother or myself in the room.

Sounds firm,(to him anyway) but with all the threats out there and his young age, I thinks its reasonable reaction.

I have to learn a few things myself it seems..

sydthebeat

Kids are going to hear that kind of thing day in day out, at school, out playing, in sport etc. It's great that you are monitoring their activity online, but you need to train yourself up on how these games work.
What I do from time to time is go in and ask him who certain players are that they are on line with. If they are not able to give me the players name and where they are from, I make them delete the player. You can also check up the messages that your child is getting at any time, and if you see something you don't agree with, you need to deal with it.
However taking the game off them because of what someone else said to them is wrong, why should they get punished for the actions of others?

By the way minecraft is an excellent game for kids, they can be creative and imaginative with it....

professore

Wow ... Saying someone is annoying playing a game counts as bullying now? I'm sure your helicopter parenting is FAR worse for his self esteem than any imagined bullying here.

How do you know he wasn't being annoying? Maybe he was bullying the other kid and he decided to comment on it?

Let him be. Clearly he's having fun or he wouldn't be doing it. He sounds like a normal well adjusted kid to me.

Good you are keeping an eye on him though.

dashcamdanny

professore wrote: »

Wow ... Saying someone is annoying playing a game counts as bullying now? I'm sure your helicopter parenting is FAR worse for his self esteem than any imagined bullying here.

How do you know he wasn't being annoying? Maybe he was bullying the other kid and he decided to comment on it?

Let him be. Clearly he's having fun or he wouldn't be doing it. He sounds like a normal well adjusted kid to me.

Good you are keeping an eye on him though.

Thanks for your pleasant input and experienced guidance.

The kid I was speaking of was involved in a few bullying incidents with my son already. Real life beating up bullying . The bully is twice his size .

They have since made friends after a fair bit of parent interaction on both sides. Now im sure you can understand my concern.

silverharp

my son started on Minecraft when he was seven and the worst that happened was that he got griefed once or twice at the start which upset him but it taught him how to get the mods to sort it out so there was always "justice" otherwise its with friends online mostly so no issues. As long as there is an adult generally about I dont see too much of an issue. Use it to instill online values for himself

CrazyRabbit

You know...you could help your son set up his own Minecraft server. That way he would be the Admin and could 'kick' anyone attempting to bully him. It's a little work, but there are plenty of adult-friendly guides online about how to do this.

December2012

I think you overreacted. Your son needs to learn how to handle being called annoying - either by brushing it off, getting mods involved if it escalates, or telling you.

I do think your first post was helicopter parenting and your son is old enough to have an opinion on this.

Children do say things about each other. It's part of social interaction, it's not, of itself, bullying.

seventeen sheep

I would agree with others that cutting him off was a complete overreaction - and if anything, your overreaction could lead to more teasing/slagging for him in future. The other kids only have his word for it that he was cut off because you "overheard"; they could well think that he went telling tales to his parents on them over what (to the kids involved) was a harmless bit of slagging.

Also I think that only allowing him to play with his mother or yourself listening in is an overreaction, to be honest. If he had a couple of friends over from school, would you insist on sitting in on their private conversations, at his age? I don't know exactly how Minecraft works, and I definitely think that you should monitor who's in the "groups" that he plays with, but I think spot-checks rather than continuous monitoring of every conversation would be the way to go here.

Joeythepirate

seventeen sheep wrote: »

I would agree with others that cutting him off was a complete overreaction - and if anything, your overreaction could lead to more teasing/slagging for him in future. The other kids only have his word for it that he was cut off because you "overheard"; they could well think that he went telling tales to his parents on them over what (to the kids involved) was a harmless bit of slagging.

Also I think that only allowing him to play with his mother or yourself listening in is an overreaction, to be honest. If he had a couple of friends over from school, would you insist on sitting in on their private conversations, at his age? I don't know exactly how Minecraft works, and I definitely think that you should monitor who's in the "groups" that he plays with, but I think spot-checks rather than continuous monitoring of every conversation would be the way to go here.

Expecting him to be called mummys boy and get a huge slagging in school, he will never lived down how sheltered and how much his mummy coddles him.

We had a boy like yours his mother made his school days hell

dashcamdanny

Really.
Just turned 11 years old and still in primary school, I really don't think it is an over reaction to keep an open mic and only play in the living room where we are . He is very much a child and god knows who he is talking to.

For all I know( or him ) it could be some pervert or hacker . Read more into this subject online there have been multiple incidents of intense bullying and hacking. Using a child to download spyware or remote control of the computer.

If you took your child to the pictures or the playground you wouldn't leave them there alone to play and talk with other adults without your supervision. Would you?

I would expect most parents would use these measures at such a young age. I would hope so anyways.

His online friends don't have to know that we are keeping an eye. All he has to say is that he is using a family PC that is in the living room. He gets plenty of rope to do what he likes and his curfews and the like are set as high as all the kids around here.

I do realize that it was an overreaction in the first instance where I cut him off. But it was for the right reasons as far as I am concerned. Until I find out more about it. Which I have . I dont expect everyone to agree with this as it is sometimes easier to do nothing and blindly think its ok.

Now after advice and research , I have found out minecraft was not designed for kids, its a place where they will almost certainly encounter strangers , even adult strangers.
I have also subscribed to child friendly servers, where there are strict rules on bad language and aggressive behaviour. Thanks again for advise on this. Been a real eyeopener .

Orion

mc.taltallon.com is a good child friendly server. My kids play on it - they're 11 too.

Having him use the computer in a central area is not excessive. Over-protecting him will end up badly though. Kids slag, they argue and then, unlike a lot of adults, they get over it.

The Corinthian

Minecraft Realms are also a good option as they essentially allow a controlled environment where your son can interact with only those friends he's invited. Costs 10 Euro p.m.

Dravokivich

I think the context behind the comment, such as why it was said is more important than where it was said. Being called "annoying" isn't generally something I'd consider offensive. Either your kid did something intentionally to disrupt the game, or unintentionally did a lot of things without noticing that may have disrupted the game. Both could be considered annoying by other players who are either impacted or have to fix something up.

Voltex

If I was the OP and I heard other kids talking about my son Id be pretty annoyed too. But as parents we need to understand that our kids live in the real World and this sort of school yard antics have always been the norm and will continue irrespective of the medium unto which it occurs.

I feel that its important my kids are not molly coddled to the point that they could never tolerate or handle criticism of any form. Criticism forms a basis on which we recognise, acknowledge, form judgements and ultimately act.

Paul Lee

I encourage my kids to tell me everything- I've never punished them, as communication is much more effective. When I need them to change their behaviour, all I generally have to do is ask.

I also encourage them to try and deal with bullies themselves- but I do give them ideas, strategies and encouragement. Obviously I wouldn't allow them to be in a dangerous situation.

Boys and girls are different. Shielding them from all harm does much more harm than good. Boys generally need more robust interaction than girls. It's *really* important for mothers to know this.

skallywag

I'm really struggling to see this from your angle OP.

You 'went nuts' just because someone called your son 'annoying'?

I've overheard my own daughter being called annoying many times, plus the boot has often also been on the other foot. I can't possibly see how this is an issue.

beauf

Over reacting yes.

Kids online and the Internet is difficult to manage.