Rant on mothers

trixychic

Well basically my Christmas day and st Stephens day have almost been ruined by both my own mother and my mother in law (mil).

Yesterday my mother was doing xmas dinner and asked us to be there for 2 as that was when it would be done. So driving up to Dublin in route to be there for half 1 and she calls at 12 to say that they "can't wait for us cause she is too hungry) so they Sat and ate without us. Its the second time its happened. No apology of any sort when confronted with it. Just tellin me "well what the hell do you want me to do? We're hungry" (might point out here too that they refused to have breakfast) Very upset to be sitting down at the table with just my boys alone eating while the rest watch tv again.

Then today we went to mil's. Now she rang about 3wks ago to tell us not to buy her a gift and we told her we already had all xmas presents gotten and just to be wrapped. So we get down there. My boys (age 2 and 5) walk in all excited fro Santa and the presents and she won't even say hi. Sits in the corner sulking. My sisters in law give out the presents and they open them. Yay. Then the boys hand out their presents to them. She looks at me and oh and says i said not to get me anything (and not in the you shouldn't have way. More in the what the fcuk did you do?). She then proceeded to say "its fine. Ill just give it my mother!" we said we already had bought the nanny something and are giving it to her tomorrow only to get the reply "well now she'll have 2 now won't she. Not even a thank you or good bye as we are leaving.

So pissed today.

Big Bag of Chips

Next year stay at home for Christmas, and don't buy anything for your mil.

Christmas seems to bring the worst out in some people.

desbrook

Go to the Canaries. Had the best Christmases out there with total strangers in the sun. Ideal

Borzoi

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Next year stay at home for Christmas.

I'd have turned the car around and gone home to have frozen pizza rather than put up with that crap. A turkey for a group takes hours to cook so even if you're hungry the bird won't be ready 2 hours earlier than planned.

But as BBoC says, people can get very odd at this time of year.

ABajaninCork

Mother or no mother. If that were me, it'd be the first and last time that happened. I'm with BBOC. Make your own arrangements next year and **** 'em. If they're happy with that - fine. If they get vexed - that's also fine.

Your mother is rude and selfish. Your MiL - plain rude. Sorry. Are they normally like this?? What on earth makes them treat people so badly?

Christmas really does bring out the worst in people, doesn't it?

trixychic

My mother unfortunately is the most unreliable person in the world. Compulsive liar, alcoholic, neglectfull. I am the eldest of 4 and once i moved out the house fell apart. I had to get the younger ones breakfasts, lunches, dinner and help with homework. While mum lay in bed or Sat by the fire smoking her fags. We always thought she could be bipolar but she refuses to get tested or even listen to us. I don't know why i keep believing what she says. Its a major weakness of mine.

As for mil, she preferred oh's ex. Even though we are 7 yrs together, engaged with 2 kids. She just plainly hates me and so treats us as such.

Despite all this i still yearn for my boys to have grandparents. Growing up with a biological father (who i saw once a year and his family even less) an adoptive father (who i never really got on with even though he came on the scene when i was just 2 and his family who saw me as the other child) and then my mums parents (who were like my own parents) i just really want my boys to have as normal a family experience as possible.

As you can see i am also very gullible. Another weakness! :-(

ABajaninCork

No. You're not weak. Just saddled with nasty, spiteful, petty 'parents'.

I think you're desperate to have a 'perfect' family life, when it fact it doesn't exist. What's a perfect family anyway? All you can do is make sure YOUR kids have the best life you can give them. And if it means cutting these old biddies out - So be it. Don't let your kids become a receptacle for their nastiness.

R.D. aka MR.D

You say that you want your kids to have a normal experience and that's admirable but is that what they are having?

I had one set of good grandparents and one set of terrible grandparents. The bad grandparent did a lot of damage to me and I wish that my parents hadn't exposed me to them.

qt3.14

trixychic wrote: »

i just really want my boys to have as normal a family experience as possible.

Doesn't sound like the last few days were part of a normal experience, and that's on the grandrents, not you.
Don't have kids, but one of my abiding memories of xmas was the misery inflicted by my mother trying to make things as "normal" as possible which meant including all varieties of toxic personalities in the festivities, when honestly, it would have been better all round if she'd only included the people that live well together. I'd never say it to her, but me and the sibs might have some pleasant memories of this time of year if she had.

shruikan2553

I have to agree with the above, don't force normal, it feels forced and not normal. Normal is whatever comes naturally.

If the mothers are causing hastle just ignore them, you have your children so can just say you don't want to be dragging them around the place.

trixychic

Thanks all for the advice. It wasn't expected but greatly appreciated. I do have to cut them out i suppose although it will be a difficult way to go.

Thank you all for the support. Boys woke today with more presents to be gotten. Spoilt they are. Ha. But they are happy and that's the important thing.

CountyHurler

trixychic wrote: »

Yesterday my mother was doing xmas dinner and asked us to be there for 2 as that was when it would be done. So driving up to Dublin in route to be there for half 1 and she calls at 12 to say that they "can't wait for us cause she is too hungry) so they Sat and ate without us.
She looks at me and oh and says i said not to get me anything (and not in the you shouldn't have way. More in the what the fcuk did you do?). She then proceeded to say "its fine. Ill just give it my mother!" .

Jesus Christ that sounds horrific... It sounds like an Eastenders Christmas... :pac:

I think the best thing to do is just forget about them, learn from it for future years, and make plans to do something a bit more enjoyable for everybody next year.... There's no point expecting reason from unreasonable people.... Jesus that's good I must write that one down..

suicide_circus

Good god almighty. Those women sound dreadful. Agree what others have said - you want the best for your sons and ideally that would mean knowing their grannys. However, one granny is an unreliable bipolar alcoholic and the other hates you. These women won't improve your boys childhood, I can tell you that. If any of my relatives pulled stunts like this on me and mine they'd be cut off until an unreserved apology was forthcoming.

trixychic

Suppose i am just used to it over the years. It is hard for me to think my boys may have to grow up without grandmothers like everyone else. I just want their lives to start off easier then mine was so they can reach their full potential. I didn't get that chance and i want them to.

Right time to toughen up. Ha

mirrorwall14

Definitely don't put up with that lark from either of them. And next year cook your own dinner for you and your own family. No travelling and no worrying about mothers. Visit them another day if you like, one of your choosing, where there is no food to be disappointed about. Your kids have to have noticed how odd this Christmas Day was

Big Bag of Chips

But as it is they are growing up without grandmothers like everyone else. They have grandmothers, just not ones like other people's. So by subjecting your kids to their bile you will actually do them more harm than if you accepted that what you are looking for is not available. They don't have to have doting grannies! Lots of kids don't have grandparents. But the important thing is that the people who ARE in their lives are good. That could be the neighbours, the shop keeper etc.

You don't have to cut them out of your life completely, just limit your time with them. Trust me, your kids won't be missing out.

Sergio

Some great advice given here by other posters and i 100% agree with them. You have your own family to think of now so put them first and dont expose your kids to your toxic mother or MIL. Talking about bursting bubbles xmas day is supposed to be all about the kids not them.

I can empathize with your situation. I have been raised by 2 parents that have an actual clinical mental condition called NPD (Narcissistic personality disorder). It sounds to me that your mother and possibly your MIL both have a touch of this condition also. Its an extreme form of selfishness where they always put themselves first and lack empathy towards others. It tough to digest at first but my family is ripped apart by their selfish behavior and my older brother and his son have been ostracized completely by my parents and my other two brothers. I am close to not talking to them all aswell to be honest.

Look after yourself and your family best you can and keep away from them if there affecting your mental health