In a mess and need opinion

LegacyUser

My friend and I have been very good friends the guts of twenty years.,and we work together. She's married. She has been there through everything, my marriage breakup etc. after my marriage breakup a few years ago I was dating on and off for a few years. Then I just gave up, and tried just to focus on my self and my own happiness, and that if things were to be, they would be. So I hadn't as much as kissed a guy in a year, and I met this really nice guy, we shared a kiss and then some...and we were texting and chatting etc for a few weeks altogether. Anyway he came to my place of work to do some work there and I wasn't there, she was there on her own that day. Next thing she's texting me telling me how fine he is and that she had a great morning chatting to him....he was showing her his holiday snaps and he was standing real close to her really flirting both of them.... And as he was leaving he was saying maybe they'd meet again and she says hopefully! I don't know if anything actually happened between them, but I can't be sure. It probably did. But I was so taken aback at the fact that she knew we were in touch, she knew I hadn't been with anyone in ages, and in the end of the day she's married....it was like she was rubbing my nose in it. Yes, he is extremely good looking, so is she, and in a line up any guy would pick her over me, I know that.
But to be so in my face about their conversations, flirtings and telling me all about it.... What was she playing at?
I have known her for so long that I don't want to cut her out , but I just can't trust her knowing that she was moving in on this guy despite the fact she knew we had history, and not past history, ongoing history. As for him, I know now he was only involved with me to promote his business, and I've taken that on the chin, but what do I do about this so called friend.
Please can I have constructive advice!
Thanks in advance!

Meauldsegosha

I think you are overreacting to be honest. Your friend was chatting to a guy who was working in her office. She was there on her own that day, what was she suppose to do, ignore him? You are now accusing her of cheating on her marriage and betraying you as a friend. You need to put things in perspective your friend did nothing wrong.

miamee

How do you know they were standing close together and flirting?!
Other than that, all I can see is that your friend met someone she knew you were seeing and texted you to say he was "fine" (I presume she means a fine thing, as in hot/good looking) and that they were chatting. I.e. good choice in your part, your boyfriend is hot and lovely...that's all I would take from a good friend texting me that.

Tokyo

Imaginininininin wrote: »

he came to my place of work to do some work there and I wasn't there, she was there on her own that day. Next thing she's texting me telling me how fine he is and that she had a great morning chatting to him....he was showing her his holiday snaps and he was standing real close to her really flirting both of them.... And as he was leaving he was saying maybe they'd meet again and she says hopefully!

Another interpretation of that would be that she was texting you to tell you that you have good taste with this guy, that you're lucky to have met him because he's interesting to talk to as well, and that she was hoping to see him again soon, through you (i.e. as your date). In other words, patting you on the back for your good fortune.

An interpretation that is much more realistic in my opinion than the scenario of her trying to steal this guy away from you, and texting you a blow by blow account of how she was going about it. To me it sounds like you are reading far too much into this, and extrapolating the worst possible scenario from what sounds, by all accounts, an innocent situation.

m'lady

I think your hurt that he was using you to promote his business and you haven't taken it 'on the chin' as you say and that your blaming her as a way of dealing with it?

Big Bag of Chips

Does she make a habit of cheating on her husband? If yes, then you are better off away from her and him. You'll never be able to trust either of them. If no, why on earth would you think something "probably" happened?

Brussels Sprout

What are the facts here OP and what are the assumptions you have made?

Big Bag of Chips

By the way, I'm married. I can still notice a very attractive man, and given the right circumstances, meeting occasionally in a work scenario for example, I may even flirt a little! (Some would call it 'banter'!) She may have gotten a bit carried away with how gorgeous he is. He may have gotten a thrill from the attention/banter with such a gorgeous woman... But it doesn't mean that either of them did anything more.

Depending on what his job is, it could well be part of his day going business to business and "flirting with" (chatting to) the people who work there.

You sound very insecure, and like you didn't deserve this lad. If you believe that you will always have a problem with any attention he gives or gets to anyone else. But, if your friend has never shown any signs of being happy to cheat on her husband, then I think she would be appalled to find out that you think something "probably" happened between her and this fella.

When did all this happen? Have you been in contact with him since?

Buona Fortuna

Hi OP

I tend to agree with the other posters. I think that you are reading too much into something here.

Just clarify a couple of things though:

Imaginininininin wrote: »

I met this really nice guy, we shared a kiss and then some...and we were texting and chatting etc for a few weeks altogether.

Did you meet him through or at work?

Anyway he came to my place of work to do some work there and I wasn't there, As for him, I know now he was only involved with me to promote his business, and I've taken that on the chin

Was his visit to your work unexpected. Has he successfully promoted his business through you?

You asked what to do about the friend but are you still in touch with Mr Nice?

bee06

OP, did your friend go into as much detail about how he was flirting, standing close and how they said they'd like to see each other again?

If she gave you all that detail it sounds like she was trying to rub your face in it and so regardless of what actually happened that kinda makes her a rubbish friend.

LegacyUser

Yes Bee 06 she told me out straight they were flirting, that he was standing close to her etc. she told me also she'd like a bit of him, and asked how she would get his number....and yes she has often cheated on her husband. It's so farcical it's almost like a wind up.

It's not him I'm concerned about, it's my friendship with my long standing friend. I know many posters have said I have over reacted, but i just feel like I should keep my distance from her now.

I'm not in touch with him now, no.

Thanks for the replies anyway.
Mod can close thread. Thanks.

Tokyo

Thread closed at OP's request.