Godparent responsibility for child of a friend I never see

LegacyUser

An old childhood friend, who as the years pass I see less and less, asked me to be a godparent to his son 7 years ago. This was his youngest child, number 4.

Part of the reason we drifted apart is that whatever friendship remains relies on me making contact. This is something his other old friends comment on when I see them, that they never hear from him unless they get in touch.

Anyway, the last time I tried to reach out to him, he was abroad on holiday, and said he'd call on his return. I never heard from him.

In effect, if I was not a godparent to his son, there'd be no reason to get in touch at all. It's a little sad, but friendships change- we're very different people now to when we were 11 years old :pac:

I haven't seen him since Christmas two years ago, and as a result haven't seen his son, or done what it seems godparents are expected to do in this country- give presents.

I should add, I'm not Catholic.

My question now is: do I step up and again start making the effort to at least buy gifts for his son, even though it all feels forced and artificial?

Or do I just let things slide?

missjm

That's a tough one. One of my brothers had a godfather who was a friend of my Dad's. Like that, he never saw him etc and never got gifts. The rest of us had Uncles as godfathers and would receive a gift every year on our birthday and at xmas. It always seemed he missed out. I don't think it's any harm to send the kid a gift for xmas and his birthday. After all, none of this is his doing.

Big Bag of Chips

The child is now 7, a tenner in a card for Christmas would be a nice surprise for him - and it might even spur your friend into contacting you to say thanks.

Rubberchikken

if you have the child's address, then some money in a card is always welcome (guaranteed).
the child will be delighted and the parent might get in touch to say thanks and you've done your bit for another year.

bp

My God parents are my first cousins, I never got a present. My brother only did from his God father on special occasions (e.g. wedding). Never bothered me. I don't get my God child more than the other nieces and nephews nor do I expect mine to get extra gifts from theirs

LegacyUser

Thanks for the feedback- a mix of get something and don't bother.

It's funny, as a kid I never knew who my godfather was, but my godmother (an aunt) always got me presents for Christmas and birthdays. At the time I felt like I was missing out- siblings always had both godparents doling out presents.

On balance, I'm starting to feel that giving something isn't going to go down poorly with anyone, and that I should just suck it up, swallow my own sense of 'meh' about the whole thing, and get him something.

woodchuck

I was the kid in this scenario many moons ago! My godfather is an old friend of my Dads, and they just naturally drifted apart over the years. There was no feud or bad blood there, they always seem to get along the very rare time I do see them together and my Dad has only ever said nice things about him. So I assume it was just life, having their own families and a small bit of distance that meant they didn't have much time for each other when I was growing up.

But my godfather always made the effort to send me a present in the post for my birthday every year. Now it was usually a book that I didn't have much interest in, but the thought really was appreciated... and getting a parcel in the post as a kid was always a real novelty So assuming you know the address, I'd make that effort to send something each year. I know money in a card has been suggested, but personally I'd send an actual present. Even if you don't get the present exactly right, there's just something special about getting a present in the post

StormWarrior

Send the child something and see what the response is. If the child or his parents don't get in touch to say thank you, then stop sending him anything.

woodchuck

StormWarrior wrote: »

Send the child something and see what the response is. If the child or his parents don't get in touch to say thank you, then stop sending him anything.

It's not the childs fault though. A kid is hardly going to ring someone they don't know to say thank you! Either do something with a good heart, or don't do it at all...

StormWarrior

woodchuck wrote: »

It's not the childs fault though. A kid is hardly going to ring someone they don't know to say thank you! Either do something with a good heart, or don't do it at all...

Well then how does he know the kid is even getting it? You might be putting a tenner in a card every year for postal workers to nick. It's a good life lesson for the kid to learn to thank people anyway.

Stavro Mueller

Bear in mind that not everyone makes a big deal out of godparents/godchildren. If you want to stay in touch, by all means send the child a card and something but don't take it personally if you hear nothing back.

woodchuck

StormWarrior wrote: »

Well then how does he know the kid is even getting it? You might be putting a tenner in a card every year for postal workers to nick. It's a good life lesson for the kid to learn to thank people anyway.

I get your point, but it's up to the parents to either thank the sender and/or teach their child to. I just don't think the child should miss out due to a fault of the parents.

seventeen sheep

I can't really see any good reason NOT to send him a card, a present, something to let him know that you think of him and are there for him if he happens to need you.

You wouldn't have started this thread unless he meant something to you.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all your opinions and thoughts.

I bought a couple of small presents today to drop in at some point over Christmas. It seems the right thing to do for now.

Pawwed Rig

I'm in a similar position except I haven't seen them for 5 years or so. I mail a present every year at Christmas but have no idea when his birthday is. I never receive a thanks or an acknowledgement until I text asking if they got the present but I will send them anyway as the price of agreeing to be the God father.
I never knew either of mine and as far as I am concerned they each owe me 38 years of Christmas and birthday present

LegacyUser

It's not that big of a deal but I think you should send him something. I know for myself, my godparents are people that I never see or speak to - I never got presents for birthdays or Christmases from them and it honestly did annoy me a bit, because my sister's godparents are our grandparents and she always got extra money than me or an extra present than me for birthdays and Christmases which was a bit ****.

seventeen sheep

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

I'm in a similar position except I haven't seen them for 5 years or so. I mail a present every year at Christmas but have no idea when his birthday is. I never receive a thanks or an acknowledgement until I text asking if they got the present but I will send them anyway as the price of agreeing to be the God father.

I find that so sad. It's certainly not the child's fault that you don't get thanked or acknowledged (unless they are adults by now?) It's not the child's fault that you don't know when his birthday is. It's not the child's fault that you agreed to be the godfather even though you must have known even then that you had no real interest in the child.

Why did you take on the role when you care so little? Surely the child deserves more?

We didn't choose to baptise our child, so there are no godparents - but if we did choose them, we'd want and expect them to have a genuine permanent interest in our child, rather than to do a half-arsed job of it.

Big Bag of Chips

Posters are reminded in Personal Issues to direct their replies to the OP and not to try drag other posters into argument or discussion. Anyway, as Christmas has now passed, and the OP indicated that he was probably going to send the child a present, he has no further use for the thread.