Advice - bully housemate

marykitty47

Hi all just looking for some advice really. I am living in a house I love for over 3 years. 3months ago a guy moved in who seemed nice but has since changed. he is making my life hell. he arrived home with a cat one eve and as I'm allergic I said the cat can't stay. Since then he is making it impossible living here by not speaking hiding household appliances hogging the tv and turning the oven up when I'm cooking dinner is there anything that can be done here? I really do not want to move and as a female I can't deal with it.

shenanagans

Sounds like this guy is doing his best to force you out. Is there a shortage of good accommodation in your area? Contact your landlord about his behaviour, if you have been a good tenant for 3 years+ surely he/she will support you and ask this guy to move on.

marykitty47

shenanagans wrote: »

Sounds like this guy is doing his best to force you out. Is there a shortage of good accommodation in your area? Contact your landlord about his behaviour, if you have been a good tenant for 3 years+ surely he/she will support you and ask this guy to move on.

yes there is an awful shortage. If he is abusive and I feel threatened by his behaviour can the landlord do something about it?

4th horsemen

Does the landlord allow Cats in the house?
tell him.
might be better in long run to find new place as the hassle will not be worth it I recon.
have you other house mates you can talk too

Mrs OBumble

Who chose the new guy to move in, was it you or the LL?

marykitty47

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Who chose the new guy to move in, was it you or the LL?

I did. he was fine until I said no to the cat.

Arbiter of Good Taste

marykitty47 wrote: »

I did. he was fine until I said no to the cat.

Is he on the lease?

marykitty47

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

Is he on the lease?

no none of us have signed a lease.

Sclosages

Did the cat go?

berger89

He's only a blow-in! Surely the landlord will feck him out, seeing as you've been a good tenant for 3 years?

JONJO THE MISER

Dont put up with this, have you any male friends or brothers that will have a friendly word with him.
Also contact the landlord and say you want him out.

marykitty47

Yes the cat is gone and he hasn't spoken to me since. I'm hoping once I speak to the landlord something will be done. I have briefly mentioned it to him before when he was abusive when drunk one night.
its a very uncomfortable atmosphere to be living in. As I said I would love to stay here. I've never had any issues with the previous tenant she had to move to a different county due to work.

marykitty47

JONJO THE MISER wrote: »

Dont put up with this, have you any male friends or brothers that will have a friendly word with him.
Also contact the landlord and say you want him out.

Yes my brother would be more then happy to have a friendly talk to him but again that would be seen as threatening behaviour so would prefer not to go down that route

cursai

Would the other housemates not speak to him? I assume your not a female living alone with a stranger.

marykitty47

Unfortunately the other housemate is only here once per week as she stays with her boyfriend

anncoates

Hide the cat in retaliation.

Afroshack

marykitty47 wrote: »

Hi all just looking for some advice really. I am living in a house I love for over 3 years. 3months ago a guy moved in who seemed nice but has since changed. he is making my life hell. he arrived home with a cat one eve and as I'm allergic I said the cat can't stay. Since then he is making it impossible living here by not speaking hiding household appliances hogging the tv and turning the oven up when I'm cooking dinner is there anything that can be done here? I really do not want to move and as a female I can't deal with it.

Do you not think you're a being a tad overly-dramatic? My housemates put pots/pans in the wrong cupboard all the time, and we are always fighting over the remote/TV. It's annoying, sure, but making your life hell? Really? Have you considered just..you..know..sitting down and actually talking to him face-to-face about a couple of issues in the house and try to clear the air in a reasonable and friendly way? Or as a female, are you not able to deal with that?

Dubl07

Afroshack wrote: »

Do you not think you're a being a tad overly-dramatic? My housemates put pots/pans in the wrong cupboard all the time, and we are always fighting over the remote/TV. It's annoying, sure, but making your life hell? Really? Have you considered just..you..know..sitting down and actually talking to him face-to-face about a couple of issues in the house and try to clear the air in a reasonable and friendly way? Or as a female, are you not able to deal with that?

Instinct is key in terms of a breach of male-female societal norms. If the OP feels unsafe, she probably is. Thuggery escalates.

marykitty47

Afroshack wrote: »

Do you not think you're a being a tad overly-dramatic? My housemates put pots/pans in the wrong cupboard all the time, and we are always fighting over the remote/TV. It's annoying, sure, but making your life hell? Really? Have you considered just..you..know..sitting down and actually talking to him face-to-face about a couple of issues in the house and try to clear the air in a reasonable and friendly way? Or as a female, are you not able to deal with that?

Your comment is very uncalled for. As a female yes I am able to deal with this I have tried talking to him but he is aggressive as he is drunk the majority of the time. He drinks every evening. It's not petty things like moving pots and pans..he hides them in the press in the sitting room, hiding the washing up liquid in the dishwasher, toaster n press under the stairs

Afroshack

Dubl07 wrote: »

Instinct is key in terms of a breach of male-female societal norms. If the OP feels unsafe, she probably is. Thuggery escalates.

I fail to see how hogging the remote or not speaking to her equates to thuggery. A little inconsiderate? Probably, yes. But thuggish and threatening to the point where she fears for her safety?

athtrasna

Can you not tell him to move out? If you selected him can you not evict him?

marykitty47

Afroshack wrote: »

I fail to see how hogging the remote or not speaking to her equates to thuggery. A little inconsiderate? Probably, yes. But thuggish and threatening to the point where she fears for her safety?

the hogging control etc id not making my lofe hell. The constant walking on egg shells because I don't no when he is going to snap again like he did this evening. The knocking on my room door when he is drunk snd his down right rudeness

DaDerv

Have you tried to talk it out with him? See is he some way reasonable?

DaDerv

Why don't you do some passive aggressive stuff yourself to drive him insane. You could go extreme and change the Wifi password, but a more sinister method would be to log into your modem, use your IP, (google this if you are unsure) and slowly block websites you know he uses. Start with porn. Theres several porn sites ofc but blocking them would be time well spent. Think of any websites you know he uses regularly that wouldnt effect you. Make sure to change the login and password to the modem, its generally generic, eg. Vodafone is Vodafone and Vodafone UPC is UPC and UPC etc. so he cant investigate the issue.

marykitty47

DaDerv wrote: »

Have you tried to talk it out with him? See is he some way reasonable?

I have tried and he just says shhhh really loud so he can't hear me

ABajaninCork

Just have a word with the landlord and get the a$$hole out. He's just a blow-in. Why should you have to put up with this nonsense? The fact he's Brahms a lot of the time is a big red flag.

MarkAnthony

Why can't you deal with this as a female? That slightly silly comment aside speak to the Landlord. If he's doing things like turning up the oven call him on it. Frankly if tries anything intimidating call the guards.

Dont sink to his level. If the LL is unwilling to help then you're better off out tbh.

jungleman

Afroshack wrote: »

Or as a female, are you not able to deal with that?

What the hell is that supposed to mean? Cop yourself on.

OP, I really feel for you here. It's a **** situation, as a house that you have lived in for 3+ years, it's probably more than just a house, but rather a home? And home is the one place you should be able to relax and feel safe in. From the sound of it, this guy is making it impossible to do either. Like a couple of the other guys have suggested, go to the landlord about it. Really spell it out to him what's going on. Make him know exactly how this guy is making you feel.

If the landlord doesn't do anything about it, I would definitely get your brother to come over. Not to beat the ****e out of the guy, but just invite him over for a night and let him eyeball your housemate out of it. Maybe your brother could quietly (and non violently) explain to him that he should pack up his stuff and leave, and that it would be best for everybody.

But hopefully it won't get that far and that the landlord will have your back on this one.

The_Conductor

jungleman wrote: »

What the hell is that supposed to mean? Cop yourself on.

Perhaps you missed the OP's first post where she said:

marykitty47 wrote: »

I really do not want to move and as a female I can't deal with it.

That aside- the passive aggressive behaviour on display is not on.
If the OP was in the UK- this sort of carry-on has recently been reclassified as common assault.

OP- if you genuinely don't feel you can talk to the guy- go to the landlord- as someone who has been there for 3+ years, I know I'd be a lot more likely to take your word than his.

Make a list though- turning up the oven when you're cooking dinner etc etc- and if you can prove any of it- all the better. Make sure you have an iron clad indisputable case.

Mrs OBumble

OP, if you chose him then it's unlikely that the LL will sort for you. You need to tell him to go, or you need to go yourself.

Given the behaviours you've described, I doubt that talking to him will make a bit of difference. I know you don't want to go, but it's likely to be the easiest route.

Zulu

It's not easy, but you need to put it to him that:

Either his behaviour drastically improves or he leaves.

Johngoose

He sounds like a total knob alright.Sounds pretty serious to me.You are being bullied by this ar$e hole.I would ring landlord as others have said and have him evicted.

the ax murderer

If you feel unsafe in your own home definitely contact the landlord, you don't want anything to escalate.

Sclosages

Hide his drink. Actually, he might go berserk if you did that, so maybe not..... :eek:
Don't know where you stand legally, since there's no lease in place. You're not the landlord, the landlord is. Presumably it is up to him to boot him out.

Does yer man pay the rent to you or to the landlord?

Is ze cat gone? I'm allergic to cats also, so I can fully understand why you put your foot down in that respect.

What does he be banging on your door for? To talk to you? Or does he just give it a thump whenever he passes? Honestly, I'd be more than a little afraid of this dude..... If he's a bit deranged to start with, adding drink into the mix is a ticking timebomb.

If I was you, I would explain all to the landlord. In writing. Bullet point the things he has done and how often. Bullet point that you are afraid, uncomfortable etc. If landlord won't evict, safest thing for you would be to move really.

trixychic

Op i don't think you did yourself a favor stating the fact that you are female. Man or woman the point is this person sounds abusive. Mentally and potentially physically. Tell the LL immediately. If this fails you could try recording the incidents and calling up gardai.

I don't think playing his tricks back on him would help at all. Hope the issue gets sorted.

Wabbit Ears

Truth is no man can beat a woman at their own game.

With 'their own game' being psychopathically unreasonable when scorned.


Go on, you know you can easily make his life a living hell without even bunching your mascara.

eyescreamcone

Never trust a man who likes cats!!!

Mick Murdock

The old women are at it again. This place gets worse by the week. PC brigade trawling through threads looking to be offended.

You can be sure this fella wouldn't be so aggressive with someone who he didn't think he could intimidate so easily. As a woman, a very patient woman by the sounds of it, the OP has every right to point that out.

Get your brother and preferably a few more lads, get his stuff and turf him out. There is no reasoning with scum like this.

Arbiter of Good Taste

marykitty47 wrote: »

Your comment is very uncalled for. As a female yes I am able to deal with this I have tried talking to him but he is aggressive as he is drunk the majority of the time. He drinks every evening. It's not petty things like moving pots and pans..he hides them in the press in the sitting room, hiding the washing up liquid in the dishwasher, toaster n press under the stairs

Actually OP, he sounds mentally unstable, which could escalate to dangerous.

Perhaps you should think about cutting your losses and moving out. You can kick him out, but he knows where you live and has the keys. He may come back. Maybe it's time to just move on. It's a shame you are the one who has to suffer, but it might be better in the long run.

To be honest, it's hard to think clearly when you are in the middle of it. Years ago I shared with a girl who had mental issues. She wasn't dangerous (well, maybe she was dangerous to herself) but it was hell to live with. I let it get to me - working late to avoid going home, staying away at weekends, etc. etc. She eventually moved on and the house became a completely different place. Made me realise I should have just packed my bags and left early on.

anonyanony

Mick Murdock wrote: »

The old women are at it again. This place gets worse by the week. PC brigade trawling through threads looking to be offended.

You can be sure this fella wouldn't be so aggressive with someone who he didn't think he could intimidate so easily. As a woman, a very patient woman by the sounds of it, the OP has every right to point that out.

Get your brother and preferably a few more lads, get his stuff and turf him out. There is no reasoning with scum like this.

We are only getting her side of the story, she could be exaggerating it greatly. Go to the LL to mediate OP

Mick Murdock

anonyanony wrote: »

We are only getting her side of the story, she could be exaggerating it greatly. Go to the LL to mediate OP

What a point of view that is. Might aswell close discussion forums entirely with that attitude.

anonyanony

Mick Murdock wrote: »

What a point of view that is. Might aswell close discussion forums entirely with that attitude.

Your suggestion was to use Violence to forcefully remove the person it's too extreme, go to the LL, I had a friend where their house mate was crazy and kept saying to the housemates the kinda thing OP is saying, the guy saying the housemates where hiding his stuff and being mean finally left the house after they went to the LL and it went back to normal everyone was happy.

MayoAreMagic

This guy is trying to force you out of the house so he can have it for himself. Dont fall for it and dont retaliate in kind. Just simply list out everything he has done and is doing. Like hiding stuff in crazy places, trying to bring an animal into the house, banging on your door when drunk etc. Print off a copy and give it to him. Tell him if any of this happens again you will be giving one to the LL and another to the guards. I bet he changes his tune.

He is doing this because he can get away with it. Because you dont call him on it, he will keep doing it. He thinks it's working. The above will show him that it isnt, and that he has gone too far.

Thargor

Op you've been asked about 6 times, is the cat still there?

marykitty47

Thargor wrote: »

Op you've been asked about 6 times, is the cat still there?

No the cat is gone.

Dixie Chick

I think your first step is to write out as best you can individual circumstances. Then with your info gathered approach your landlord.

The people who come onto a thread where someone is asking for advice and side with the other party or nit pick at a comment always baffle mw. If the fella is making her feel unsafe then she is entitled to say so and why she feels like it. Hiding of pots in weird places on purpose is weird places is just menacing and of course cause discomfort for her.-

Toulouse

Thargor wrote: »

Op you've been asked about 6 times, is the cat still there?

She answered that in post 12.

The_Conductor

Thargor wrote: »

Op you've been asked about 6 times, is the cat still there?

See post 12 in the thread.........The OP advised the cat is gone. People kept asking whether the cat was still there or not- its not the OP's fault that they didn't bother reading the other posts.......

The_Conductor

Toulouse wrote: »

She answered that in post 12.

Beat me to it!

Mrs OBumble

anonyanony wrote: »

Go to the LL to mediate OP

If the LL did not choose the housemate, then the LL is unlikely to be willing to mediate.

The problem is of the OP's choosing, so needs to be of their fixing.

anonyanony

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

If the LL did not choose the housemate, then the LL is unlikely to be willing to mediate.

The problem is of the OP's choosing, so needs to be of their fixing.

Then if her side is the full truth she needs to move for her Safety, if she uses violence like the other poster suggested she will never feel safe as it will just make him angry and he knows where she lives and if he is unstable might come back when her heavys are gone.