want to find my dad

LegacyUser

Hi all
Going anon for this
Any advice on my situation would be helpful.
I was born 3 months premature, in Spain, to my mum who conceived me with a man who was engaged to someone else at the time, in other words, i was the product of an affair.
I was conceived here, born in Spain, and when i was born was very sick, had to stay in Spain till i was well enough to come home.
In order to get out of the country, apparently, my mum would have had to contact my father. Not wanting to do this, she got a friend of her's to put his name on my birth cert, so as my father's name is not on my birth cert, this means to him, i am not tied to him and i do not know how to go about finding him and desperately want to.
I have asked my mum for information a number of times, she just says she doesn't remember, that he was on "the wrong side of the law" and that he knew about me through some girl she knows/knew, and obviously wasn't bothered enough to come look for me.
I can't let this rest though and really want to at least find out about him so i can decide or not whether to see him or what. I'm also curious as to whether i have other half brothers or sisters, what his family is like etc.
Does anyone know of any way at all possible i might be able to find him? I did call a private detective once but was basically told without a name on a birth cert i'm wasting my time.
Thanks in advance for any responses.

Tokyo

I'm no expert on this, but without a name on your birth certificate to work with, your only real line of attack is through information gleaned from those who were around at the time - i.e. your mother, or other family members who may possibly know who your mother might have been involved with at the time, or friends she may have confided in. Your mother doesn't want to give up this information it seems, and may never want to, so do you have grandparents or aunts and uncles who might know? Do you know any of her friends from back then?

You do have the right to try and find out who your father is, I would however suggest that you let your mother know that with or without her help, you are going to continue to try and find out who your father is.

PirateShampoo

Unfortunately I think your only way of moving forward is through your Mother. I wouldn't settle for any of her can't remember stuff, she will remember the man who got her pregnant, it's clearly just a very very sore subject for her.

John_D80

Do you have any aunts/uncles/grandparents that might have info?? Does it feel like your mum is deliberately withholding??

Your mother should feel obliged to share all the info she has that might help you. If you had a name, hometown and approximate age for this man you'd be well on the way to finding him, and she should at least know this much.

Hope it works out for you. Regardless of what kind of person your father is/was or his relationship with your mum, you have a right to the truth. Good luck.

Rubberchikken

try talking to your mom again. if she's not willing to tell you, is there someone else who could speak to her and try to explain what it is you want to achieve?

she could, in her own way, be trying to protect you from getting hurt. she may feel uncomfortable about the whole thing and it was probably easy when you were a kid, but it's harder to hide these facts from someone older. remember she has had whatever number of years to convince herself that he is not worth finding and it may be hard to get her to name him.

good luck

The_Conductor

Unfortunately the guys are right- without at very least the name of your father- your hope of finding him is nil. Talk to your mother- this is part of your heritage that she is deliberately keeping from you- you have a right to know- and it is deeply unfair of her, regardless of whether she feels hurt by the situation or not- to keep this information from you.

Have you actually gone and asked for an original copy of your birthcert- are you certain the information is not on it?

You are at the very start of a fact finding mission- the first key to unlocking the next stage on your journey- is the name of your father.

There are different ways to approach these things- some people are more likely to divulge information if you take the direct approach- others may need some work.........

Would there be any merit in talking to one of your Mum's old school friends- someone who might be able to connect up some of the dots- if you're not getting anywhere with your Mum?