Best put-downs for nosey parkers

shuffle65

While doing an access course at college a few years back, one of my male classmates went awol for a few days, he just wasn't that into the course. Anyhoo, he came back after a week or so and during a roll call one busybody doll (fellow classmate) butted in and asked him, in front of all the class and the tutor, where he had been for the past week or so:
He: In hospital
She: Oh really, what for?
He: Hysterectomy...


Still laugh when I think about it and the look on her face!

Anyone else got any good ones?

4zn76tysfajdxp

shuffle65 wrote: »

Anyone else got any good ones?

I remember once I wasn't around for a while and someone goes "Hey, Frada, where were you for the last week?" and quick as a flash I replied "Mind your own beeswax, you cunt."


Brilliant. :cool:

Miss Demeanour

I can't tell you a good retort but I can tell you how I learned to mind my own business if that's any help.....
Was walking past a fence one day and heard them all chanting 13 13 13.....
I walked on then saw a hole in the fence and peeked in.....
Got a stick in the eye....lots of laughing and then chants of 14 14 14......
Learned fast I tell ya......

Mr. Incognito

Maybe a traffic cone?

hairyprincess

Don't ask me, a nosey crab asked me who my babies father was thirteen years ago, I'm still trying to come up with a reply

whupdedo

shuffle65 wrote: »

While doing an access course at college a few years back, one of my male classmates went awol for a few days, he just wasn't that into the course. Anyhoo, he came back after a week or so and during a roll call one busybody doll (fellow classmate) butted in and asked him, in front of all the class and the tutor, where he had been for the past week or so:
He: In hospital
She: Oh really, what for?
He: Hysterectomy...


Still laugh when I think about it and the look on her face!

Anyone else got any good ones?

Cool story bro .......

worded

Wha are you looking at?

I don't know, I'm not good a puzzles.

Got a laugh that one, works if they havnt heard it beofre. If they have you get battered

Summer wind

My friend works in a pub and if he ever misses work tells everyone he had a dose of myoxmatosis.

Football Friend

Mention something about uncle Ben being dead...that will shut those Parkers right up!

AnonoBoy

I used to be a doctor and one time I was away from the hospital for a long time.

When I came back people would always ask where I'd been so I used to say I was off murdering people for the CIA whereas I was actually just in prison for killing people on the operating table.

lycan238

Got a good laugh a few years ago when I was asked how I was related to my nephew (the person did not know we were related at the time). I replied My mother is his mother's mother. Took ages for them to realise what i had said.

My cousin once said in a restaurant when asked whether he wanted Beef or Salmon, tut I don't eat horse (We know how that panned out since)

My best comeback for someone asking uncomfortable questions?

I'd rather not say........

shuffle65

Crochet is lovely, I'm a dab hand at it.

I guess you needed to be there....

Stheno

Having ivf

boobar

When someone is being very inquisitive..

Me: Can you speak a secret?
Inquisitive Person: Yes
Me: So can I

Banjo String

Scene fein the General....

Gards: "which sister did you screw last night Martin?"

Martin Cahill : "yours".

:cool:

A cow called Daisy

Friend that had their nose broken and so it was a bit out of shape. He was asked by a woman why his nose was crooked. To which he replied "it's like that so I can't stick it in other peoples business":D
The look on her face was great

sligojoek

Ronnie Drew went into a pub one morning and ordered a gin and tonic. A few minutes later another customer said, "I thought you were off the drink, Ronnie."
The bould Ronnie replied, " I like a little G&T now and again. I find it helps me to mind my own business. Would you like one?"