Need to Vent

LegacyUser

Hello,

I need to get crap off my chest, else I think I might do something silly. I am 23 years old and I am one of the Long term unemployed(for a few years). However it's not due to want of trying. I stupidly ended up getting pregnant in college and dropping out due to being unable to cope with the pressure of an unplanned pregnancy combined with the death of a close relative, unhappiness with the course, trying to keep a roof over my head and other issues I was going through at the time. I had a part time job in a fast food chain during that period and really enjoyed working there, coworkers were lovely and tbh I liked working in that sort of environment but after having my baby I chose not to return as I figured I'd move back to my home city(I needed support from my parents and I figured I'd have a better chance being in a big city).

Tried looking for work there, couldn't get anything(which to be fair, was understandable as the job market was a bit ****e). After 2 years of nothing and getting into more and more of a depressed state, my partner suggested we move to his home town(where I attended college) as I had gotten a job there and maybe I'd be able to get something else(same with him). We did and things started to look up when he got a Part time job in a recycling plant, sorting waste. I still couldn't find anything mind you, but I never stopped looking. After months of nothing I did some volunteer work to pad my cv out a bit, as I really hadn't much experience and I figured it might look good on my CV. All the while looking for work, any sort of work(I was getting a bit desperate at this stage).

After getting frustrated with my lack of progress, I enquired about the possibility of doing a FAS course, with the hope of using that to go back to further education. Ended up doing a course in Java Programming, got my Oracle Java Associate's Certificate and was all geared up to continue onto getting my Professional Certificate when I got told by the SW that I needed to leave the course as the Dept. wanted to put my partner on a Gateways scheme and my being on this course was preventing him from being available for work(He had been let go by the plant months before as they didn't need as many staff). Not too long after, I ended up having a nervous breakdown and attempted suicide twice on 2 seperate occassions and ended up having to stay in a Psychiatric Ward(only 1 night mind, I couldn't stand it there). After the breakdown I decided to move back to my home city.

So here we are at my current situation, I have just recently moved into a house near my parents(need to be near them as I need to have a support network nearby just incase my mood drops). However they live in an expensive area to rent in and my rent is €750(now I know it's not super expensive when you compare it to Dublin prices, but it is dear enough considering I'm not getting RA as feck all landlords take it, which is understandable.) and it is putting me under stress and worry as to how the f00k am I to afford the rent as all we are on is €342.60 plus Child Benefit. I did the maths and on paper it works out ok but a part of the problem is we borrowed money from my parents, who borrowed it from my Grandmother, who in turn borrowed it from the CU and of course we need to repay that. We have repaid some of it, but not all and I am getting more and more stressed out and it's making my mood drop lower and lower. I have tried talking to others about it(tbh I wanted to rent in a cheaper area, but I got effed out of it as the cheaper areas are dodgy etc.) and all they say is to calm down, we'll be able to afford it etc. which is doing absolutely nothing to help me. Which is why I am posting here.

I got 2 interviews so far since moving, one for a sandwich chain, another for a call centre despite having applied for god knows how many jobs. Both times I was passed over as I had "not enough experience". It kills me as I know I would be well able for both jobs and I can't help but feel like a failure. At this point I'd pick sh!t up off the ground, if I could get the job. I haven't had a proper night's sleep in ages and honestly feel like I might harm myself if things don't improve.

Thanks for listening, I feel a bit better after that rant

CaraMay

Op if you feel like you might harm yourself you need to get to a doctor ASAP

Best of luck

Ann84

You have a lot of drive and motivation... And you just need to figure a way to get it out!
It sounds like you really want to engage in working but you keep getting set backs so, possibly try thinking about alternatives to taking a job, set up a craft business making something (look at etsy.com) mightn't be a big money spinner but you might find some satisfaction...
Look at setting up your own business, buying and selling products online, clothes, makeup etc...

Is there anyway you could go back to college as a mature student? Possibly get a student loan or back to education allowance with the support of family? Going into a degree with a specific job at the end?

Or this may sound stupid but if they have those plots.. Grow your own organic veggies and try to get into a local market... (Maybe in the summer)

These may sound like silly ideas but I have often thought if I was out of work long term what would I do as like you, I need to do something...!!
That drive is something you have though that other people don't! Just try to find an outlet, a focus...

I had a baby young, it's tough but you can find your niche, it just mightn't be working for somebody else! There is lots and lots of information online about craft businesses, setting yourself up as a business etc... You will need to check with sw what levels of sales would impact your allowances but frick it, it'll give you something to use all that brain energy on and you may really enjoy it!!

Best of luck op, x

ShowMeTheCash

As already suggested I think you should contact your GP and tell them how you feel.
Life being hard is one thing but feeling sucidal is something you need to talk to a medical professional about.