Progeny Wednesday

Akrasia

Following on from the sensational shopping events of Black Friday and Cyber Monday, I'm proud to announce the next revolution in Christmas consumer capitalism. Progeny Wednesday

In a one day exclusive offer, starting at 8am GMT I'm proud to offer the sale of a strictly limited number of human children.

They come in a variety of styles, ranging from male to female, and aged from 18 months to just over 5 years old. These are grade A reconditioned children, not quite in new condition, but factory refurbished to an excellent standard. Fully functioning with only minor cosmetic damage.

This exclusive offer is guaranteed to fill any home with the joy and wonder of Christmas, Each child is guaranteed to still believe in Santa and will certainly provide that Christmas-eve bed time excitement, providing those cherished memories that will last a lifetime.

Each child will come with a starter pack of clothes, toys and will come pre-fed with a wholesome breakfast, but we can not guarantee that they won't be hungry again 5 minutes later. While every effort is made to ensure that the volume of these children is kept within regulated levels, the organic nature of this offer means that occasionally there may be some unexpected outbursts.

Further details will be provided closer to the launch, or you can subscribe to the twitter hashtag ‪#‎progenywednesday‬

The_Valeyard

Okay. What were Ya smoking and where can I get some?

Akrasia

I'm sure they laughed at the idea of black Friday too. And when they launched the Sega Saturn, people said 'Who would ever buy this? "Too often genius goes unrecognised.

Kevin McCloud

Your idea would work better on rock and roll thursday.

Akrasia

Kevin McCloud wrote: »

Your idea would work better on rock and roll thursday.

I'm not sure if human children are part of the marketing for rock and roll thursdays, but from our focus groups, they are a major part of Christmas, so we devised #progenythursday to capitalise on the untapped childless family market. Everyone wants the magic of christmas morning, but not everyone has the main ingredient required for that traditional experience. A human child.

The_Valeyard

Just leave bacon Tuesday alone.

Akrasia

We have absolutely no plans to impose upon Kevin Bacon's weekly feast day

Badly Drunk Boy

Akrasia wrote: »

I'm not sure if human children are part of the marketing for rock and roll thursdays, but from our focus groups, they are a major part of Christmas, so we devised #progenythursday to capitalise on the untapped childless family market. Everyone wants the magic of christmas morning, but not everyone has the main ingredient required for that traditional experience. A human child.

So this has nothing to do with the Irish Eurovision winning song "Rock'n'Roll Kids"?

Akrasia

#progenywednesday is the perfect event not just for individuals and couples looking to create the perfect christmas atmosphere, it's also suitable for grandmothers who would like to recreate those precious memories from their past.

Kevin McCloud

Still reckon thursday is better, one day away from the weekend.

Akrasia

Kevin McCloud wrote: »

Still reckon thursday is better, one day away from the weekend.

A human child is for more than just a weekend. Besides, tomorrow is the last day DhL guarantee human child delivery before Christmas

Akrasia

Free Sega Saturn with every child purchased on #progenywednesday Stay tuned for more exclusive offers. This is an event you won't want to miss

Baron Kurtz

Madge, Ange and Brad are well ahead of you..

The Th!ng

My dog ate the head off the last child I bought.

Akrasia

They didn't have a catchy name or a twitter hashtag

Akrasia

The Th!ng wrote: »

My dog ate the head off the last child I bought.

I realise this offer is not for everyone, but we appreciate your interest. We hope you may be interested in a future event we are also planning, #petgiveawaythursday

Kevin McCloud

Akrasia wrote: »

They didn't have a catchy name or a twitter hashtag

Not everyone is on the twitter machine.

Akrasia

All children for sale on #progenywednesday are fully certified as GMO and BPA free

Akrasia

Damnit, I think I might have posted this in the wrong forum.

Mods, can you move this to Bargain Alerts?

lazybones32

Akrasia wrote: »

Following on from the sensational shopping events of Black Friday and Cyber Monday, I'm proud to announce the next revolution in Christmas consumer capitalism. Progeny Wednesday

In a one day exclusive offer, starting at 8am GMT I'm proud to offer the sale of a strictly limited number of human children.

They come in a variety of styles, ranging from male to female, and aged from 18 months to just over 5 years old. These are grade A reconditioned children, not quite in new condition, but factory refurbished to an excellent standard. Fully functioning with only minor cosmetic damage.

This exclusive offer is guaranteed to fill any home with the joy and wonder of Christmas, Each child is guaranteed to still believe in Santa and will certainly provide that Christmas-eve bed time excitement, providing those cherished memories that will last a lifetime.

Each child will come with a starter pack of clothes, toys and will come pre-fed with a wholesome breakfast, but we can not guarantee that they won't be hungry again 5 minutes later. While every effort is made to ensure that the volume of these children is kept within regulated levels, the organic nature of this offer means that occasionally there may be some unexpected outbursts.

Further details will be provided closer to the launch, or you can subscribe to the twitter hashtag ‪#‎progenywednesday‬

Tread carefully! Remember the woman on FB who jokingly posted that she was willing to sell her kids and the sh*tstorm that ensued? The Daily Star front page awaits you...

Jen Pigs Fly

What return policy do you offer?

But hesitant after my last experience buying a child that ended up being possessed by the devil. Was hell to get my money back after that .... And never mind the cleaning bill.

Akrasia

Due to unprecedented lack of demand, #progenywednesday has been put on Hiatus

The_Valeyard

Probably for the best.

Teyla Emmagan

Akrasia wrote: »

Due to unprecedented lack of demand, #progenywednesday has been put on Hiatus

Personally, I'm disappointed. I was thinking about putting in an order. Are they just for Christmas though or for life?