Will I ever hear from him again?

n554321

For around months I was seeing this guy, we got on great together and spent a lot of time together until one day he text out of the blue to say he still has feelings for his ex and wasnt in a good place and was sorry and completely shut down communication. I left him alone for the month and we met this weekend to give back things to each other. We chatted for an hour and got on well had a laugh and a catch up, from what I gather he's been just staying on his own lately.
I text him that night to tell him I hated the way things ended between us and I missed hanging out with him and talking to him and that I loved getting to know him and asked could we be friends. He said it wasn't fair on me that I wanted more and he didnt want female company at the moment, he is also leaving in April and he said it would be harder down the line he and that he was being cruel to be kind. He said I was a great girl but I deserve better. He also said he didnt think being friends was an option sorry.
I do accept I need to move on and that it would never work anyway with him leaving but I absolutely hate just dropping someone and never speaking to them again it kills me. I just said I was disappointed he felt we couldnt keep in touch, I enjoyed his company and getting to know him and I hope he will change his mind about friends and he didn't text back. I feel horrible today I can't even move I'm numb with this empty pain.
Do you think we could ever be friends in the future if I leave him alone? Will I ever hear from him again?

Neyite

You probably will talk in the future, but right now, he is doing you a massive favour by cutting contact until your feelings for him subside. You are fooling yourself if you think you want to stay in contact to be friends, you don't. You want to be around him so he will change his mind and want you back, and that's not good for you. I've been that soldier and the best thing you can do is go no-contact for several months until you are fully over him. Then reconnect as friends.

Tilly

Yes you accept and move on. It sounds like he was letting you down gently. Now get yourself out under that mistletoe and enjoy yourself

LegacyUser

To be honest, that really just sounds like an excuse to end it, not an uncommonly used one either. I think you're better walking this off and not waiting to hear from him, that's just postponing the disappointment and wasting your time.

n554321

Neyite wrote: »

You probably will talk in the future, but right now, he is doing you a massive favour by cutting contact until your feelings for him subside. You are fooling yourself if you think you want to stay in contact to be friends, you don't. You want to be around him so he will change his mind and want you back, and that's not good for you. I've been that soldier and the best thing you can do is go no-contact for several months until you are fully over him. Then reconnect as friends.

Thanks Neyite. I know he done the right thing hes right down the line it would be worse but in saying that I hate the silence between us. I feel like I done something wrong to him and that he resents me thats why he wants to cut everything off. I know things were never going to go anywhere but I dont have many people in my life and really enjoyed his company hence why I wanted to stay in touch at least. I suppose the best thing to do is leave him for now and hope we will become friends in the future when things settle down. what do you think?

n554321

Anyone else have any wise words of wisdom?

ellie1

n554321 wrote: »

Anyone else have any wise words of wisdom?

I hope you don't hear from him again.

Delete his number and any other means you have of contacting him and never ever attempt to contact him again.

Spend your time making new friends , getting new hobbies/interests, get fit/active , fake it till you make and the next time you meet a man ( one who is available) ensure that he is an added bonus in your full fun filled active happy life...

catonthewire

Move on with your life and leave this guy in the past.....
He has done you a massive favour, you deserve better than a guy who reading between the lines hadn't the balls to end your relationship in a mature manner...

Go out with your friends, enjoy your life and one day you will look back and wonder why you bothered worrying...

dellas1979

n554321 wrote: »

Anyone else have any wise words of wisdom?

I dont think he'll be back in contact. And I know youve hope for a turn around from him. But all this will do is stop you moving on to something better.

It depends on how you look at it.

You seem to be focusing on the fact that you are missing out on him. But, the truth is, he is in actual fact missing out on you.

And believe that. Because thats the actual truth

Chucky the tree

catonthewire wrote: »

Move on with your life and leave this guy in the past.....
He has done you a massive favour, you deserve better than a guy who reading between the lines hadn't the balls to end your relationship in a mature manner...

Go out with your friends, enjoy your life and one day you will look back and wonder why you bothered worrying...

What was immature about it?

pookie82

He had the good grace to be brutally honest with you and explain that his residual feelings for an ex would prevent him giving you what you deserve - his full attention.

That's much more fair behaviour than goes on in most of these threads ... guys insisting that an ex means nothing to them, but seeing/messaging them constantly in secret while pretending all is grand.

You need to leave it. He's been as nice as possible about this and if you push now you'll never even have a shot at being friends down the line. Yes it's sad when you feel you connected with someone and they don't feel the same way, but coping with that loss is a regular part of life and break ups. You're allowed to be sad but don't let that sadness disillusion you into thinking he didn't mean what he said and will change his mind.

I also agree that it doesn't sound like you *just* want to keep in touch to be friends. You want to keep in touch in the hope that he'll change his mind.

You need to move on.

n554321

Hi Pookie. Yes he was very genuine to be upfront and honest and for that I do believe him. I know he won't change his mind and he's right because in April I would be worse having spent even more time with him and adjusted my routine with his. I don't have many people in my life and I genuinely got on so well with him. I know I need to move on and I am keeping busy by studying and trying to get out as much as I can because I know we won't be together again and I accept that. But I genuinely do just want to be friends with him, he's a good person and I as I said I haven't come across many people and genuine as him which is why I wanted us to remain in contact. I am not going to keep texting him but I may send him a text over Xmas I'll see. I'm just worried I'll never speak to him again that's all

Saralee4

.

Saralee4

It would be a huge mistake to text him x Over Christmas. He has made it clear that he does not want to keep in contact.

Katgurl

i think you posted about this before OP when he said first that he still had feelings for his ex, before you exchanged goods?

Anyway, I'll say again what I said there (even if that was not you) you need to accept his decision.

He has told you he does not wish to be with you or stay in touch. People are entitled to leave. Disappointment & rejection are unpleasant experiences but we all encounter them. Find a way to deal with this and move on. Don't text him over Christmas, he has been clear that he doesn't want to continue contact.

Get out and about over Christmas and try to take your mind off him.

Best of luck.

Saralee4

Sorry posts keep duplicating

pookie82

n554321 wrote: »

Hi Pookie. Yes he was very genuine to be upfront and honest and for that I do believe him. I know he won't change his mind and he's right because in April I would be worse having spent even more time with him and adjusted my routine with his. I don't have many people in my life and I genuinely got on so well with him. I know I need to move on and I am keeping busy by studying and trying to get out as much as I can because I know we won't be together again and I accept that. But I genuinely do just want to be friends with him, he's a good person and I as I said I haven't come across many people and genuine as him which is why I wanted us to remain in contact. I am not going to keep texting him but I may send him a text over Xmas I'll see. I'm just worried I'll never speak to him again that's all

I wouldn't, to be honest. He has left your last request to keep in touch unanswered, he has given you all of the explanations and meets ups you deserved.

Resolving now to text him over Christmas or New Year will keep a little hope going at the back of your mind. You'll build it up and wait for a significant day and then watch the phone for a response, and if you don't get one you'll be gutted all over again.

I honestly think you're just setting yourself up for more rejection here. He's allowed to cut ties and he has had the good grace to explain why he's doing so first. A lot of people don't even get that explanation! Don't disrespect that by continuing to persist.

It's hard when things don't work out, but don't turn your sadness into desperation. If he does decide to change his mind at some point he has your number.

Maybe you do accept that he'll never want more than friendship but it kind of sounds like he doesn't even want that. That's no bad reflection on you ... lots of people determine that they can never have a simple friendship with someone they've been romantically involved with, and they need to cut ties and move on. You have to respect him if he has asked that of you, even if it hurts.

368100

Sounds like he was honest with you and for that you can't blame him...Its never nice to be in your situation and no point in kidding yourself, you will probably miss him for the next while, but....

Things will get easier as time goes on and who knows, the next person who comes your way may well be more right for you. And when the next fella comes along and you're both as mad about each other as the other, it will be 10 times better.

Keep your chin up and don't close yourself off to all the good guys who are out there....plenty of us about ;-)

Enjoy your Xmas and the Xmas parties!!

catonthewire

Chucky the tree wrote: »

What was immature about it?

Sorry should have been more specific...
He had no reason to cut contact completely given that you BOTH agreed to remain friends, it would appear that he isn't mature enough to handle the situation and the complete break.in contact was to suit himself....
Just seems unfair, given it wasn't your fault he had feelings for an ex, and you still behaved fairly towards him...

n554321

catonthewire wrote: »

Sorry should have been more specific...
He had no reason to cut contact completely given that you BOTH agreed to remain friends, it would appear that he isn't mature enough to handle the situation and the complete break.in contact was to suit himself....
Just seems unfair, given it wasn't your fault he had feelings for an ex, and you still behaved fairly towards him...

He didn't agree to being friends I asked him and he said he didn't think it was an option. But I do appreciate where he's coming from and I do think it's unfair he completely shut down communications and never speak to me again, it's not like we ever had a fight or a bad break up like ya know

Stavro Mueller

n554321 wrote: »

He didn't agree to being friends I asked him and he said he didn't think it was an option. But I do appreciate where he's coming from and I do think it's unfair he completely shut down communications and never speak to me again, it's not like we ever had a fight or a bad break up like ya know

You might think it's unfair of him to have shut down communications but I think he did the right thing. Staying friends with exes is a terrible idea if one of them still has feelings for the other. And let's face it, when you go out with someone you don't want to be their friend, do you? You're hurt because he rid you of your opportunity to get back with him if you hung around for long enough.

n554321

Stavro Mueller wrote: »

You might think it's unfair of him to have shut down communications but I think he did the right thing. Staying friends with exes is a terrible idea if one of them still has feelings for the other. And let's face it, when you go out with someone you don't want to be their friend, do you?

Not at the time no but I have always remained in contact with exes even after messy break ups and still have the craic even more so now because we know each other better if you get me. Anyway I know friendship now would be bad for me and make it harder but I mean down the line when my feelings subside just to keep in touch that's all if that makes sense

Tilly

As the wise woman in frozen said: let it go....

retro:electro

He is doing what he needs to do for himself and while you may think he is being completely unfair he's just doing what is right. It's great that you've remained friends with ex's but he's different and he's entitled to have a clean break if that's what he wants, in all actuality I think that's what most people would want. You can't blame him or think he's being unfair for just doing what he needs to do for him.

dellas1979

n554321 wrote: »

I mean down the line when my feelings subside just to keep in touch that's all if that makes sense

Ermmm-I commend you on your "lets be friends" quest. But you are ignoring a very important part.

He doesnt want to be friends (or anything) with you. Thats his choice, whether you see it as wrong or not is not in your hands.

Its kinda getting a bit "Misery"-like. "if you dont want to listen, Ill make you listen to meeeee".