Romance in the office

LegacyUser

I'm going out with a girl in work for about a month. Been on lots of fun dates like touristy stuffs, drinks, dinners, comedy shows, lots of stuff.

Lots of long kissing sessions and affection on dates, not slept with each other yet, that's not what the thread is about

It's an office like any other. I know the score, there are no public displays of affection or gifts to her desk, nothing silly here.

While neither of us ever said anything to anyone about being a couple people guess as they do.

I am confused about this situation, here are three examples:

1 - I asked a girl on my team did she know a good restaurant, she gives me tips and goes on about the best places for dates. I never mentioned a date. And then my girlfriend gets asked separately "oh, any plans for this evening? ". Then she wants to know what I was saying to my teammate. I had asked for a restaurant recommendation, nothing more

2 - We went to the cinema after work. Next day in work I say "saw that new Interseller, didn't like it" just to my team. She gets asked later that day "so did you go to the cinema last night?" and she'll flat out deny it.

3 - Took a day trip by Irish Rail to another city. I think we both mentioned it separately in the office. When I was asked I said we went for lunch and had a look around the city. That's true, that's all that happened. I didn't say girlfriend, I just said the girls name. She denied it ever happened when asked and wanted to know from me why oh why did I say we went together.


No, she's not married or having an affair here. I have never once said I was her boyfriend in the office, not once but I wouldn't deny it if asked directly. I don't care who knows, why does she deny it to teammates in the office? Sure they guessed already and who cares what they know. I listen to their stories about husbands and boyfriends all day.

Meathlass

Are you officially a couple yet? A month isn't a lot of time and maybe she thinks it's too early to tell people

Maybe she wants to be taken seriously in work and doesn't want all her colleagues gossiping about her love life.

Maybe you're not supposed to date work colleagues?

Just ask her - there could be any number of reasons.

CaraMay

She obviously wants to keep her private life private, as I would. Work is work and while you met there, your relationship should not be played out there. She wants some privacy and doesn't want her colleagues knowing her business, so honour that and stop telling people.

Tasden

CaraMay wrote: »

She obviously wants to keep her private life private, as I would. Work is work and while you met there, your relationship should not be played out there. She wants some privacy and doesn't want her colleagues knowing her business, so honour that and stop telling people.

I'd have to agree with this, based on your OP anyway.
I was seeing a guy in work before, we agreed to keep it casual and private, but like you if he was talking about his weekend or what have you he'd mention me as I was involved. While technically he wasn't doing anything wrong, it was annoying with everyone knowing my business because of him just not being discreet. I never denied it like this girl when people asked but when you become the topic of work gossip and are being asked endless questions by people about your personal life it gets extremely irritating. Just talk to her and see what she says.

Dixie Chick

CaraMay wrote: »

She obviously wants to keep her private life private, as I would. Work is work and while you met there, your relationship should not be played out there. She wants some privacy and doesn't want her colleagues knowing her business, so honour that and stop telling people.

People in an office can grasp a bit of gossip and be all over another persons private life as they are all so close together 5 days a week. Privacy is so much better as its early days and she may not want the pressure of answering relationship questions

Riskymove

CaraMay wrote: »

She wants some privacy and doesn't want her colleagues knowing her business, so honour that and stop telling people.

This seems a bit harsh....perhaps I am missing something but the OP states he has never said anything in work about being in a relationship with this person.

The issue seems to be that certain people know regardless

The suggestion now from people is that the OP can no longer have a conversation with his colleagues about a film he saw or a place he went for fear of his OH being asked about it.

Seems a bit OTT

mikemac1

CaraMay wrote: »

She obviously wants to keep her private life private, as I would. Work is work and while you met there, your relationship should not be played out there. She wants some privacy and doesn't want her colleagues knowing her business, so honour that and stop telling people.

The OP never said they were a couple. All the OP does is mention evening plans like a film he saw and the office workers are going over to her to confirm.

You're telling the OP to stop telling her business but he has not done that.

Lovely Bloke

mikemac1 wrote: »

You're telling the OP to stop telling her business but he has not done that.

Yes he has, he told his team mates that himself and the girl went on the train to some town and had lunch.

When I was asked I said we went for lunch and had a look around the city. That's true, that's all that happened. I didn't say girlfriend, I just said the girls name.

People who aren't dating don't usually do that kind of thing, and she's made it clear that she doesn't want her business spread around the office. I can totally understand that. I'm not married to a colleague, but I absolutely hate talking about my private life in work, it's none of their damn business, and I also hate these over-sharers who come in to work and tell you all about what they did at the weekend or whatever.

She's a private person, and if he can't accept that then maybe he shouldn't be dating her at all.

Est28

Agreed with Baldy Conscience.

OP is trying to let people know they are together indirectly so that she's "his".
They aren't even really together and it's been a short time. If I was this girl I'd run at how much he's overstepping his bounds.

Unless it's normal for him to go on such trips with other "friends" at work it's highly unprofessional of him and very clingy to be pushing this issue with the girl. Clearly she is keeping it casual and light and the OP is trying to push it.

LegacyUser

Treat a new relationship like a new pregnancy.. say nathin to no one until 3 months ;-)

Also, dating in the office.. dangerous ground my friend.

LegacyUser

If you can't keep a trip to the cinema with her to yourself then you've no hope of sleeping together....I'm sure she won't want your first experience with her shared with everyone at the water cooler!!!
You've got to learn to keep your private life to yourself, if anyone asks how was the weekend just say quiet, fine, ok, cold....whatever, but I'm guessing she doesn't want to be the subject of office gossip.

If it's any consolation... I was involved in an office romance, was the subject of gossip but we ended up marrying each other and the rest is history!!

Riskymove

Olga the goat farmer's eldest daughter wrote: »

If you can't keep a trip to the cinema with her to yourself then you've no hope of sleeping together....

unfortunately people are still not getting it OP


It is unfortunate that people in work are now aware that you are seeing each other, however it came about.

I think it would be unfortunate that as a result, as suggested by others here, you can no longer have any conversation with your colleagues about things you do or see for fear of the matter being brought to her attention.

if the secret is out then it is out, neither of you can put it back