What are the lamest excuses you've heard

--LOS--

What are the worst or most lame excuses someone has given you for cancelling something? Or maybe it's you that has given them? We won't judge >_>

So after today I am banging my head against the wall.

So trying to meet my friend (not no more :P )......

Arrangements made, I double-check near the time, excuses made, reschedule. If I didn't double-check I probably wouldn't hear anything at all.

Attempt 1: He has an interview the next day but wants to reschedule. Ok could have let me know without chasing him down but ok, could be a last minute thing.

Attempt 2: His folks want to skype him that night so he reschedules............

O K

Other people are closer to their parents than me, maybe something important happening. He reschedules, I say ok just to see what happens

Attempt 3: Phones goes off at the time arranged, I expect it's him saying he's nearly there or whatever.

nope

It's a video of him eating a big spoon of cinnamon. He has a bad throat and he decided to do the cinnamon challenge and now it's worse. Oh and he's drinking garlic lemon honey tea and there's a pic of that. And he wants to reschedule.

I don't even.......

bodhrandude

My mate was telling me about a newspaper report in Glasgow, some guy was being charged with murdering someone, stabbing them. When the defence was asked their opinion, the accused retorted: "How would you feel if someone asked you the time and you didn't feel like telling them it." I'm sure that he made this up of the top of his head, but you would be surprised with some of the headlines you see sometimes in the Evening Times and the Daily Record.

Vala

How about a matron of honour who can't make any appointments and sends you text specifics? Not endearing :-(

Remember when we had good friends before technology?

Yogosan

We all partied.

Yogosan

Vala wrote: »

How about a matron of honour who can't make any appointments and sends you text specifics? Not endearing :-(

Remember when we had good friends before technology?

Before technology.:eek:

That's a long time.

TheMilkyPirate

'I have a headache'

Vala

Yogosan wrote: »

Before technology.:eek:

That's a long time.

Haha!! I'm old. Late thirties. I remember it all :-)

Yogosan

Vala wrote: »

Haha!! I'm old. Late thirties. I remember it all :-)

I can't even leave the house without a key! It's backwards we're going.

Vala

Yogosan wrote: »

I can't even leave the house without a key! It's backwards we're going.

No harm, no foul :-)

--LOS--

TheMilkyPirate wrote: »

'I have a headache'

And now you have ballache



All right let's talk about the good old days another time.

But imagine using that excuse on your boss, I'm sorry I can't work today because I'm sick and then I made myself more sick on purpose by being stupid, here is the evidence in video format, I even gagged at the end so I must be really sick

Vala

--LOS-- wrote: »

And now you have ballache

Is your head like a ball?

brummytom

When I was younger I'd pestered my mom for tickets for a concert in London, then they announced it was to be a tour. She rang up the ticket company to see if she could get a refund, telling them there was 'a wedding [she'd] forgotten about'.

I just do the lying for her now, she's terrible at it.

--LOS--

brummytom wrote: »

When I was younger I'd pestered my mom for tickets for a concert in London, then they announced it was to be a tour. She rang up the ticket company to see if she could get a refund, telling them there was 'a wedding [she'd] forgotten about'.

I just do the lying for her now, she's terrible at it.

You can borrow my mother, she's a lying machine. Everything has a big long drawn-out story, really detailed and you will hear it whether you like it or not :pac:

She took the cat to the vet a while back, she was convinced if the vet thought the cat belonged to an old person he would take pity and reduce the cost. So she tells him she's just looking after this cat for an old lady who is not well bla bla, she made up names etc, it's like zero hesitation, the lies just flow out and it becomes so elaborate it's impossible to keep up with

--LOS--

Vala wrote: »

Is your head like a ball?

You're a headtheball :P

headerball? heatherball?

braddun

your too big

Vala

--LOS-- wrote: »

You're a headtheball :P

headerball? heatherball?

Head the ball :-)

Yes I am :-)

Not yours though :-)

Betty Bloggs

--LOS-- wrote: »

You can borrow my mother, she's a lying machine. Everything has a big long drawn-out story, really detailed and you will hear it whether you like it or not :pac:

She took the cat to the vet a while back, she was convinced if the vet thought the cat belonged to an old person he would take pity and reduce the cost. So she tells him she's just looking after this cat for an old lady who is not well bla bla, she made up names etc, it's like zero hesitation, the lies just flow out and it becomes so elaborate it's impossible to keep up with

I think too much detail is the sign of a bad liar and I've been guilty of it myself sometimes. Generally I don't tell lies and would think of myself as a pretty honest person. But it's a different story altogether when it comes to excuses for college. I'm not as bad this year but have in the past been a fountain of excuses in college for late assignments. Believable enough that I can't be accused of outright lying but I just know some of the lecturers were trying their hardest not to just burst out laughing in my face as they listened to my very long and very detailed explanations. I would see the corners of their mouth twitching into smiles as they tried to remain straightfaced. I know I'm lying, they know I'm lying, I know they know I'm lying, but we all played along and just went with it.

--LOS--

braddun wrote: »

your too big

a very real problem

Betty Bloggs wrote: »

I think too much detail is the sign of a bad liar and I've been guilty of it myself sometimes. Generally I don't tell lies and would think of myself as a pretty honest person. But it's a different story altogether when it comes to excuses for college. I'm not as bad this year but have in the past been a fountain of excuses in college for late assignments. Believable enough that I can't be accused of outright lying but I just know some of the lecturers were trying their hardest not to just burst out laughing in my face as they listened to my very long and very detailed explanations. I would see the corners of their mouth twitching into smiles as they tried to remain straightfaced. I know I'm lying, they know I'm lying, I know they know I'm lying, but we all played along and just went with it.

oh god that makes me cringe just reading that, I couldn't do it! Maybe you're not committing to the lie enough?!

Betty Bloggs

--LOS-- wrote: »

a very real problem




oh god that makes me cringe just reading that, I couldn't do it! Maybe you're not committing to the lie enough?!

I was just terrible at it. I don't know why I couldn't just say "look I'm very disorganised and I just forgot this was due today", I think I was afraid they would think really badly of me so couldn't really help myself, some utter very apologetic but elaborate pile of rubbish would come tumbling out of me.

Now I just do assignments on time and if I'm late I just say "I forgot" but I try to get them all done on time now to save myself the embarrassment. I'd say I gave them a few laughs anyway for the canteen.

--LOS--

Betty Bloggs wrote: »

I was just terrible at it. I don't know why I couldn't just say "look I'm very disorganised and I just forgot this was due today", I think I was afraid they would think really badly of me so couldn't really help myself, some utter very apologetic but elaborate pile of rubbish would come tumbling out of me.

Now I just do assignments on time and if I'm late I just say "I forgot" but I try to get them all done on time now to save myself the embarrassment. I'd say I gave them a few laughs anyway for the canteen.

If it's a bit late hand it in and say nothing

Bit more late, hand it in, say sorry it's a bit late

Leave the stories for the very odd occasions

Or pull all-nighters

--LOS--

And so the vet did not make any reduction in the cost


know ye were all dying to know

Fat Christy

'I can't get it up'

:rolleyes::mad:

MJ23

braddun wrote: »

your too big

What?

The Backwards Man

Fat Christy wrote: »

'I can't get it up'

:rolleyes::mad:

The Christmas tree?

Generic Dreadhead

--LOS-- wrote: »

It's a video of him eating a big spoon of cinnamon. He has a bad throat and he decided to do the cinnamon challenge and now it's worse. Oh and he's drinking garlic lemon honey tea and there's a pic of that. And he wants to reschedule.

I don't even.......

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahahahahahahah

That's actually set me up for the day now

:pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac:

spottybananas

One of my (former) very close friends cancelled a visit to me for my birthday night out (it wasn't a big birthday but I was moving abroad weeks later) because her mother had booked a last minute holiday and if she didn't stay home her father and brother would have no clean clothes because they couldn't work the washing machine. Her father owns an electrical company, and his son works with him, these were men in their 20's and 50's, and neither of them can work a washing machine?

As one other friend said at the time it would've been more believable if she had said she couldn't come because her legs had fallen off and she couldn't breathe anymore.

Hoop66

Whenever I tried making up excuses to my tutor at university his response was to bellow "Bollocks! You were on the piss!". A sensitive man...

Lamest excuses I ever heard were on a TV program about local (this was in Lincolnshire I think) unemployed people being given jobs in factories, because there's been a lot of complaining about "foreigners" taking their jobs and that was why they were unemployed. They went in for training, all good. When it came to them turning up to actual work something like 75% of them had "food poisoning"...

endacl

hfallada

Someone in school told the teacher he didnt have his history project as his "dog **** on it". That the project was done, but the dog **** on it. We kinda believed the kid as it was so off the wall. But the teacher kept slagging him about it.

The teacher asked the guys parents at the parent teacher meeting, how was their dog and they said they didnt have a dog. The teacher lost it with the student the next day

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

My sister once told my mam that she missed the bus getting back from staying over at her friend's house because her friend (who was rather a large girl) "couldn't run for the bus and I couldn't exactly just leave her there, now could I?"

I also know a guy whose brother's dog ate his PASSPORT while he was visiting them in France. Not sure what excuse he gave to the Parisian embassy but somehow I doubt he told the truth.

Conall Cernach

There was a program on earlier about fraud in the UK and one guy was trying to get a new phone from his company because a rat had run off with his old one.

endacl

Conall Cernach wrote: »

There was a program on earlier about fraud in the UK and one guy was trying to get a new phone from his company because a rat had run off with his old one.

Der's always rats, Nidgey...

tayto lover

"It's a woman's problem".

Frosty McSnowballs

"Sorry, can't come into work today. My mrs is agoraphobic and im living in a car".

Going Strong

Years ago now. Where I worked had a storeroom filled with spare computer monitors, assorted desktop computers, server racks etc. One of my err, less motivated, colleagues was always going in there to read the paper or 'liberate' some parts. One day he went in there as usual when there was an almighty crashing and banging. A couple of us ran to investigate and found him knee deep in broken monitors and computer cases. He looked very pale, turned to us and said "It was like this when I came in." We all burst out laughing at him.

missierex

When we were kids we'd ask mam to take us to the swimming pool. Her excuse for us not going was that they were 'washing the water'.....

Generic Dreadhead

Oh I'm going to use that one

--LOS--

Cormac... wrote: »

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahahahahahahah

That's actually set me up for the day now

:pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac:

I think I'm still in shock '_'

what do you even say to that though

spottybananas wrote: »

One of my (former) very close friends cancelled a visit to me for my birthday night out (it wasn't a big birthday but I was moving abroad weeks later) because her mother had booked a last minute holiday and if she didn't stay home her father and brother would have no clean clothes because they couldn't work the washing machine. Her father owns an electrical company, and his son works with him, these were men in their 20's and 50's, and neither of them can work a washing machine?

As one other friend said at the time it would've been more believable if she had said she couldn't come because her legs had fallen off and she couldn't breathe anymore.

It's so flattering as well, she'd rather stay in and wash clothes than spend time with you :P

tayto lover wrote: »

"It's a woman's problem".

You talking about the oul "girl problems" shark week excuse?

biko

"But, I poop from there..?"