Another Facebook thread!

wakeboarding

My partner of a year left himself logged into Facebook and I read a PM. It was a complete shock to read the flirting between them and talk of there sexual encounters many moons ago. I phoned him immediately and confronted him and he told me that he'd left one of the lads who he lives with stupidly use his Facebook page the other week and the conversation i read was between them and not him!? I said if it was a conversation between them then why was there no introduction from him saying hi this is xxx I'm using xxx Facebook page?? He's sticking to his story and has gone as far as asking me to change his password and deactivate his account as he thinks this fella has his password. He isn't into Facebook at all and i know he rearly uses it. This has all knocked me for six and I don't know what to believe to be honest. Incidentally were both in our 40's so were not silly teenagers. We get on really well and I do trust him - well up to this point anyway! I don't know how to deal with this and thought I'd post here to see what ye make of it as my head is fried from it!!

LegacyUser

Given that it was talk of what happened between them in the past, how would his housemate know enough about that to carry on the conversation without her twigging it was someone else? I hate to add further to the frying of your head, but his explaination is nonsense and that conversation can only have been between two people who actually had a sexual relationship.

Dixie Chick

Yeah I would have to agree with the previous poster. Was your partner with this woman in the past or was the housemate? If your partner was then it would be very strange that the housemate would be in talking about this.....something isn't right there

Typer Monkey

Yeah very suspect alright. Is he saying that the housemate was posing as your boyfriend to sexy chat with a woman your boyfriend had slept with? That's very wierd and unlikely. Was the detail in the conversation such that a third party couldn't know about it?

If he's saying the housemate was messaging her as himself then surely there would've been some discussion about him using your boyfriend's account. I find it very unlikely that a woman would have flirty chats with someone discussing their sexual exploits knowing that a third party (your boyfriend, as it's his account) would see it.

Does the housemate have his own FB account? Why wasn't he using that? Did you read the opening gambit of the conversation?

It sounds like he's spinning you a line tbh OP. Even if he's not a regular FB user, that doesn't mean he couldn't use it to chat with an ex.

It boils down to whether you trust him but I'm a big believer in trusting your gut feelings. If it smells off, in the absence of a plausible explanation, it generally is off. I don't think you've been given a plausible explanation here tbh

kjl

Don't be deluded, this is clearly his conversation. It's the most made up excuse I have ever heard in my entire life.

You have caught him red handed. From what you describe he hasn't actually hooked up with this girl, just had a bit of a heated chat.

I could forgive it as long as it never happens again.

Oryx

I reckon you caught him out alright, and the lies about it are damage limitation. I didn't read the conversation, but from what you have said it was probably a kind of ego boost to flirty chat with an ex, it doesn't mean he is about to, or has, rekindled an affair with her. So for me, the issue isnt even cheating, its lack of honesty and trust. He is forcing you to confront and mistrust him here, by denying what you know to be true. That is a relationship breaker without any affair. I think he needs to realise this. You guys have a LOT to talk about.

piperh

As the other posters have said it does appear he lied and tried to cover his tracks. Hopefully it was just internet flirting and an ego boost. If it was I wouldn't worry about a past relationship but you need him to be honest before you can decide where to go from here.

Now I'll address the fact that you invaded his privacy and read his pms. He may have left himself logged in but that didn't give you the right to read them. I wonder if it was curiosity or you don't trust him quite as much as you say.

Big Bag of Chips

Expect the story to change bit by bit. His friend was pretending to be him. The girl knew it was his friend and was playing along etc.

It all comes down to whether or not you trust and believe him.

wakeboarding

The more I thought about it the more I realise that it has to be my boyfriend she was talking to as she thought she was talking to him and unless the housemate and my boyfriend had the exact same sexual experiences with her then she wouldn't have been able to reply the way she did. He has never told me he was ever with her but in the conversation it was confirmed what job he was doing when they were 'at it' so again it would be a major coincidence if the housemate had the very same job as him. Plus there was an 'offer' to amuse her and call around if she wanted!!!!!

I don't have a problem with any past sexual partners he might have had at all but I do have a problem with the string of stories I have been feed over the past couple of days and the offer to Amuse her, so I have finished it.

Devastated is an under statement as to how I am feeling at the moment I don't do lies and will not tolerate being made a fool of.

Dixie Chick

Ah god you poor thing. It must be terribly disappointing as well to have gotten to a year with someone. You poor thing, well done for being so so brave.

LegacyUser

wakeboarding wrote: »

Devastated is an under statement as to how I am feeling at the moment

As anybody would be. Sorry it came to that for you, but the feeling you have now will pass and you'll be better off in the long run.

piperh

wakeboarding wrote: »

Plus there was an 'offer' to amuse her and call around if she wanted!!!!!

This puts a totally different context on harmless fb flirting or reminiscing with an old flame. He was clearly open to cheating on you.

You have done the right thing by ending it. You deserve better and should be treated with the respect he obviously doesn't have for you.

Stay strong and keep reminding yourself you are worth more than a liar and a cheat.

Magicmatilda

Many people, a younger me included, would not have been brave enough to do what you did.

You were very brave to walk away, "we teach people how to treat us", some one once said and you have thought him that he cannot treat you that way. You have also reinforced to yourself your own value.

It is of course hard but you will get through it.

Best of luck

Motley Crue

kjl wrote: »

It's the most made up excuse I have ever heard in my entire life.

Oh yeah, it's rubbish, but I've personally heard a few whoppers in my time and this is nothing!