I need help with my sex life

confusedgurl

I am a young girl in a three year relationship. At the beginning we both realized we had caught genital warts and got them removed as soon as possible. Not really sure who gave to who but the nurse we visited advised we could both be carriers and then because we both carried it we triggered growth. Essentially you still "carry" them and never really recover from them so they can come back at any time.

I have had them removed almost three years ago and my sex life has gone down the drain. I began after having the warts removed getting BV (bacterial vaginosis) and Thrush. Which of course made me want to not have sex with my partner. I became very paranoid of my private area and my sex life decreased slowly but surely.

Fair play to my partner for sticking by me. He never complains and understands I have lost my sex drive, but I don't understand. I am a young girl in a relationship with a great man and I had one silly muck up that was sorted and now it affects my sex life for the rest of my life? I don't want to be that way. I want to get it sorted. We have sex very rarely and that is because out of guilt I feel I have to. Even though he never forces me but why should he suffer? I don't get the urge to have sex at all. I would get horny but it would be for myself to just do the deed and forget about it. It would never be oh I wish he was here now so we could have sex, I'd nip it in the bud get rid of the urge myself and move on. During sex my mind races, about work about bills etc. I can never stay focused and enjoy it.

Last but not least afterwards I cry. I turn into an emotional little ball of tears. I hate it. I want it all to stop and I want to go back to the way we were. Even in the few months after they were removed I use to still enjoy sex and get the urge and want him. Now I just don't want to at all and its not my partner because the thought of sex with anyone would just make me cringe. I want it all to stop and I don't know where to start. I am embarrassed to go to a doctor about or counselor. I just don't know what to do. I need to be "fixed"

HELP!!

Sauve

Hi OP,

I'm going to move your thread to the Personal Issues forum, I think you'll get good advice there

Sauve

Tokyo

OP,

I know that it gets bandied about in PI quite a bit, but I really think that you should visit a doctor, or better still, a counsellor over this. And set your embarrassment aside, because (a) it's what they are trained to help with, and (b) I can guarantee you that it's nothing they haven't heard and helped with before.

I'm nowhere near qualified to comment, but it sounds like your recent brush with STI's has sent you into panic mode, to the point where you can't switch it off and it's affecting your sex life negatively. Despite what gets said at times, STI's are not limited to what others may view as a certain "class" of people, anybody can catch them, if you are taking basic precautions it can simply be a matter of bad luck and nothing more, which sounds like the case for you. Talk to a counsellor and they will be able to help you with this. And perhaps talk to your local family planning clinic or doctor, for advice on more practical aspects, for example using condoms during sex to minimise risk, etc.

Das Kitty

I've been in a similar situation, OP, and the only thing that helped was going for counselling.

It wasn't even sex counselling, it was just regular type, but one of the side effects of feeling better in general was the return of my sex drive. Try not to be embarrassed, or even just ignore the embarrassment and go for it.

Mr. Incognito

Sex is 90% psychological and 10% physical.

Go get your head sorted out

canttalk

Hi OP,

You mentioned Bacterial Vaginiosis and Thrush - neither of these is necessarily an sti. I had BV as a teen(19) when a virgin and got thrush through my pregnancies (when the last thing I was interested in was sex!). Its a problem that also shows up when I am severely stressed so neither of these two conditions necessarily means anything regards your life before your partner. It sounds like you have developed a mental block and have a negative association with sex that is independent of your man.

If he is showing love patience and understanding over 3 years (when lets face it, lack of intimacy can be a deal breaker for many people), he sounds like a good man and the best you can do for yourself is see a counsellor.

confusedgurl

@canttalk: I am aware thrush and bv isnt an sti. bur because of the sti I developed Bv after medication thrush etc. now thrush is reoccuring which makes me more paranoid due to the fact it all began because of sti.

I am going to try pluck up the courage to get myself seen by a counsellor. thank you all for your advice. my partner is very supportive and wants me to get help also. So lets hope I get back to my old self.

Odaise Gaelach

I think you're making the right decision to go and see a counsellor about it. Best wishes to you!