Attracted to cousin

LegacyUser

I know this is messed up but I'm attracted to my first cousin I don't know where to begin with this I have never told her or anyone about this. So iv always been attracted to her as a teenager growing up but as a teenager I put that down to puberty and hormones been all over the place. Both of us are in our late 20's now and my attraction to her grew stronger 2 xmas's ago when we were drinking and she was all over me I did not act upon this as shes in a relationship with kids. The last few months have me all over the place as I was trying to think to why I'm attracted to her and I think I have have it figured out. When we were kids growing up she always wanted to play "house" she is a year older me this went up till I was about 10 and her 11. I believe this intro to sex at young age and me repressing it lead to my attraction to her but now I have no idea what to do I have tried avoiding her the last few weeks which is hard as I nearly see or speak to her on a daily basis do I confront her about the past or just say nothing like I have been doing the whole time.

Taltos

OP in my opinion you need to let this go.

Playing house - hate to break it to you but this is common with alot of kids, even cousins. You carrying over sexual feelings all of these years is a different issue and one you need to address, remember kids will be kids.
She has a partner and kids - do you really want to be the one to break this up?
She's your first cousin - how would a relationship should one be possible impact both of your parents one set of who are siblings? How would it impact her children and their lives in school where let's face it kids (again) will be kids and tease them mercilessly.

I am not saying relationships between first cousins is not possible, but on the face of it apart from a drunken night a few years ago where you had the good sense to behave there is nothing here. Should you take the gamble you stand to lose a hell of a lot - possibly the respect of your family, the friendship and trust of your cousin. Added to which you will be seen as a home breaker and possibly worse by others looking in at this relationship. Saying this there is no legal reason to stop you both, but should you proceed genetic testing may be required if you decided to have children (or have an accident).

If though this is eating into you, then you have two choices - either deal with it alone or with counselling to help you move on, or, talk to her to gauge her feelings but without any alcohol. Personally I'd go for the 1st choice but only you know how you really feel.

DoYouEvenLift

Is there no way to avoid seeing her so often? Why do you see each other so often? Only thing I can think of is appearing really busy and having no time to stay away from her to help get over her.


Ya definitely don't want to say anything to her even hinting at being attracted to her...although, if you did and she freaked out and never wanted to see you again, which would be highly possible for the majority of people, it would at least solve the issue of having to see her daily and make it easier for you to get over her.

gallag

Don't act on it man, could wreck a lot of lifes/relationships. try to avoid spending time with her and stop listening to garth brooks music!

skallywag

You can't let this happen OP, nothing at all good can come of it I am afraid, it can only end in an omnishambles.

LegacyUser

I know not to act upon it as I don't want to destroy relationships. The reason I suppose its eating into me is when she's drunk she's overly touchy and flirty towards me on a continues basis's I only noticed this 2 xmas's ago at a family gathering in which I was sober she apologized the next day as her partner said it to her. Like I said its hard to avoid her for other reasons I suppose the only option is to suck it up like I have been doing all these years.

kjl

I think this is a taboo fantasy you got going on. I once fulfilled one of my taboo fantasy (not incest) and it really wasn't all I thought it was going to be.

Find a nice girl who is single and preferable not in your family and don't ever tell her about this attraction.

sadie06

I agree that the taboo aspect of your infatuation, and the element of wanting what you can't have are adding to your attraction. It is hard to jump off the conveyor belt of fantasising about her if you have been doing this for so long, so I suggest two things.

One, when those types of thoughts creep into your head, follow them through to the aftermath, so the fantasy becomes less enjoyable for you. Desire leading to sex leading to…..marriage breakup for her, and possible alienation from the family for both of you and almost certain disappointment with the mismatch between fantasy Vs reality of the desired intimacy.

Two, start looking outwards and noticing other women. Free yourself from obsessing about your attraction, and trying to figure out why it came about. It is what it is. Instead, try to feel some excitement at the possibility of meeting someone new!

LegacyUser

Its better I suppose to just bury it in the back of mind as I don't want to be perceived as a freak in the family. I don't have a problem with other women as in the sense I only want her and no one else its just that the last few months this attraction has grown stronger and truth be told is freaking me out as I know its not normal. I have avoided her completely the last week or so which is hard as I see her almost everyday as we live in the same neighborhood and just to reiterate I have no plans to ever tell her about my feelings towards her.

CaraMay

You are looking for signs, which aren't there to convince yourself she feels the same. She doesn't. I'm sure she was a bit more relaxed ehem she was drunk and, because you are her cousin, she felt even more comfortable with you. You gave taken this as fact that she fancies you. She doesn't.

Rekop dog

Go for it imo, you don't want to grow old regretting the possibility of playing house for real... with your cousin.