breaking up

luna c

I think my relationship is coming to an end but I feel responsible for him. When we met online he was living in a homeless hostel. After a relatively short time he moved in with me. He has a brain injury and is registered disabled so he cannot work. He also has other health issues. He has four young children with his ex and we have engaged a solicitor and have a court date soon where he is hoping to be granted more access to his kids. Something he couldn't have while living in the hostel.
He needs daily support because of his health with washing cooking etc and because of his injury he is forgetful and needs to be reminded to take his medication.
I really love him and taking care of him is not a problem. Also I have met his children and they are lovely. I love kids so they are not a problem.
However just two days ago I discovered some messages on line to no less than three other women. They were not only inappropriate but some of them talked about me in a very disrespectful way. I confronted him and he obviously said they mean nothing and as I was never meant to see them I was never supposed to be hurt.
I am hurt though enough that I really want to end this relationship and if the circumstances were different I wouldn't hesitate.
But our lives have become so entwined, he depends on me in so many ways. If I end this relation ship he becomes homeless again, he loses his chance to have his kids and I know he can't look after his health. It seems that because I am a decent person I am stuck in this situation. I don't have enough Money to help him get a flat and he has no family other than his kids.

miamee

None of this is your responsibility although I know from your post you will feel guilty about it anyway. What he did was disrespectful and hurtful to you - and his defence is that you were never supposed to find out?! Not that he shouldn't have done it or that it was wrong, just that you weren't meant to find out. Does that make it ok in his mind??
His actions have broken up the relationship and any consequences of that are his responsibility, not yours.

Ann84

I know this is going to sound simplistic, but you are not resposible for him.
His justification for sending those messages is appalling and he clearly has no respect for you if all he can come up with is that you were never meant to see them!!! What a cop out...

I know it is hard as you clearly have a big heart but he needs to sort his own life out and you seem to be taking on way too much of his mess.
His housing situation is unfortunate, but it really sounds like he is taking you for a ride. 😥
Sorry op but I wouldn't want to help someone who a) wasn't committed to me b) seemed to have other priorities than helping themselves...

pookie82

luna c wrote: »

I think my relationship is coming to an end but I feel responsible for him. When we met online he was living in a homeless hostel. After a relatively short time he moved in with me. He has a brain injury and is registered disabled so he cannot work. He also has other health issues. He has four young children with his ex and we have engaged a solicitor and have a court date soon where he is hoping to be granted more access to his kids. Something he couldn't have while living in the hostel.
He needs daily support because of his health with washing cooking etc and because of his injury he is forgetful and needs to be reminded to take his medication.
I really love him and taking care of him is not a problem. Also I have met his children and they are lovely. I love kids so they are not a problem.
However just two days ago I discovered some messages on line to no less than three other women. They were not only inappropriate but some of them talked about me in a very disrespectful way. I confronted him and he obviously said they mean nothing and as I was never meant to see them I was never supposed to be hurt.
I am hurt though enough that I really want to end this relationship and if the circumstances were different I wouldn't hesitate.
But our lives have become so entwined, he depends on me in so many ways. If I end this relation ship he becomes homeless again, he loses his chance to have his kids and I know he can't look after his health. It seems that because I am a decent person I am stuck in this situation. I don't have enough Money to help him get a flat and he has no family other than his kids.

One would think, given your description here, that he should be eternally grateful to you for your support rather than belittling you to other women online where you "weren't supposed to see it".

Homeless/disabled or not, he's an adult. Instead of realising how grateful he should be to have a support system like you in place, he's still messing about with other women and belittling you (literally and emotionally) in the process.

Why would you hang on to provide a home for another adult who's not your responsibility and who doesn't even thank you for it?

Run.