RSVPS / Taking offence

SarahJ

Hi all, we are getting married abroad in June, and sent off our invite in August, just to give people a while to make their plans etc.
We asked for the RSVPs back by 31st October, so in my eyes that's a good 3 months for ppl to make up their minds.

Well here we are in November, half of them bot received. What do I do?
And also, some I've received back (late) from ppl who I thought would come that aren't, and I am taking offence. I know it's ridiculous and I shouldn't, but I cannot help it.

Any help / advice / "snap out of its" welcome!

Dr Turk Turkelton

Are you offering to pay for everyone's trip abroad?
If not you better prepare to get very offended.

SarahJ

Dr Turk Turkelton wrote: »

Are you offering to pay for everyone's trip abroad?
If not you better prepare to get very offended.

Well that's silly of course not. But I have been to country weddings etc and have paid as much as it would cost to come to mine. I asked people a year in advance so that they have a chance to save etc, and decide to make it their holiday.

And also, I know I'm being ridiculous being offended, I know this believe me, it's just really hard not to be

endacl

SarahJ wrote: »

Hi all, we are getting married abroad in June, and sent off our invite in August, just to give people a while to make their plans etc

Surely you mean 'just to give people an opportunity to decide if an unexpected foreign trip was feasible at a time when many are struggling financially'?

SarahJ

endacl wrote: »

Surely you mean 'just to give people an opportunity to decide if an unexpected foreign trip was feasible at a time when many are struggling financially'?

Well that's why I asked a year in advance, so it wouldn't be unexpected. I think u are missing g the point of my whole thing.
It's not even the fact that it's abroad or anything, maybe I'm easily offended? I dunno, I think I'm too soft for this wedding business

January

I'm in the same boat as you are ATM, still over 45 Rsvps to come and the date was the other day. I'm not having my wedding abroad though.

My advice snap out of it. It's a big expense to go to a wedding let alone one that's in a different country. Anyone that RSVPd no to my wedding got a text back saying that we were sad they couldn't come but we knew how expensive it was or that we knew getting time off work around that time of year was hard but thanks for leting us know.

Be gracious.

Dr Turk Turkelton

I understand all that but if you chose to have a wedding abroad you will find an awful lot of people won't be able to make it due to money issues, childminding issues and getting time of work.
In fact a lot of the people that will have the time, money and be commitment free will be elderly aunts and uncles rather than your friends and cousins I'm sure you would rather have there.

SarahJ

Dr Turk Turkelton wrote: »

I understand all that but if you chose to have a wedding abroad you will find an awful lot of people won't be able to make it due to money issues, childminding issues and getting time of work.
In fact a lot of the people that will have the time, money and be commitment free will be elderly aunts and uncles rather than your friends and cousins I'm sure you would rather have there.

that's very true. It's the whole RSVP thing that's a nightmare! I'm short of going around to their houses and asking them! I'm not sure what the proper thing to do is!

Call me Al

SarahJ wrote: »

Well that's silly of course not. But I have been to country weddings etc and have paid as much as it would cost to come to mine. I asked people a year in advance so that they have a chance to save etc, and decide to make it their holiday.

And also, I know I'm being ridiculous being offended, I know this believe me, it's just really hard not to be

Weddings abroad are more expensive than one night away at a wedding here in Ireland. At least if it's in Ireland you can choose to book a house with family, leave children with in laws, or even drive home after the reception if you're up to it and it's not too far away.
Plus most people like to choose their own holiday destination with their own family, and not have that choice made for them by someone inviting them to their wedding.

SarahJ

January wrote: »

I'm in the same boat as you are ATM, still over 45 Rsvps to come and the date was the other day. I'm not having my wedding abroad though.

My advice snap out of it. It's a big expense to go to a wedding let alone one that's in a different country. Anyone that RSVPd no to my wedding got a text back saying that we were sad they couldn't come but we knew how expensive it was or that we knew getting time off work around that time of year was hard but thanks for leting us know.

Be gracious.

Thanks, I actually need a slap, I don't want to turn into a mental bride! What are you gona do about the people that haven't let you know either way?

Dr Turk Turkelton

Also if the wedding is next June I would expect the RSVPs to be for around the end of next February not October.
Making definite plans that far in advance is very hard when people have kids etc to plan for.
It was a good idea though to let people know ten months in advance so they can start to prepare and see if they can make it.

Call me Al

SarahJ wrote: »

that's very true. It's the whole RSVP thing that's a nightmare! I'm short of going around to their houses and asking them! I'm not sure what the proper thing to do is!

We've been invited to a wedding abroad next summer. Right now I don't know if we will be able to travel as it is so far away. I definitely don't want to make it our holiday.
I think pushing people into committing on an rsvp this early is likely to lead to a lot of refusals.

SarahJ

Dr Turk Turkelton wrote: »

Also if the wedding is next June I would expect the RSVPs to be for around the end of next February not October.
Making definite plans that far in advance is very hard when people have kids etc to plan for.
It was a good idea though to let people know ten months in advance so they can start to prepare and see if they can make it.

I never even thought of that to be honest. I'm kind of sick that we didn't just do that.
I wonder is there a way to say to people if they change their minds closer. Cos we didn't need it set in stone if ppl were coming, we just needed an idea of the numbers, and again wanted to give ppl a heads up

stargazer 68

SarahJ wrote: »

Thanks, I actually need a slap, I don't want to turn into a mental bride! What are you gona do about the people that haven't let you know either way?

You wanted the replies in October for a wedding in June? I would guess people didnt notice the October date and assumed replies wanted sometime next year! Maybe it's just me but 8 months before the wedding is a bit too far in advance!

polydactyl

You are allowed to be sad for approx one min then you need to move on. You can't really be offended it's a invitation not a sentence they were given. We both have jobs but a mortgage and a child in crèche too so unless it was a Sibling getting married I would not travel abroad. You say it's the same cost but that is just not true. If I can't afford to stay overnight at a wedding in Ireland I can get in my car and drive back. I can ask my parents to mind my baby for a night or weekend to go to a wedding in Ireland I can't ask them to mind her for a week to go abroad. I can also leave her behind to go to a wedding here so it's free but if it's a week abroad then she comes too and that costs money.

It's never cheaper to have a wedding abroad for anyone but the bride and groom. Therefore you have to expect a lot of nos to your RSVP and while upsetting of course you can't be offended

SarahJ

Dovies wrote: »

You wanted the replies in October for a wedding in June? I would guess people didnt notice the October date and assumed replies wanted sometime next year! Maybe it's just me but 8 months before the wedding is a bit too far in advance!

I know but it's a different situation cos its abroad, I didn't want to be asking people the normal 6 weeks before.

SarahJ

polydactyl wrote: »

You are allowed to be sad for approx one min then you need to move on. You can't really be offended it's a invitation not a sentence they were given. We both have jobs but a mortgage and a child in crèche too so unless it was a Sibling getting married I would not travel abroad. You say it's the same cost but that is just not true. If I can't afford to stay overnight at a wedding in Ireland I can get in my car and drive back. I can ask my parents to mind my baby for a night or weekend to go to a wedding in Ireland I can't ask them to mind her for a week to go abroad. I can also leave her behind to go to a wedding here so it's free but if it's a week abroad then she comes too and that costs money.

It's never cheaper to have a wedding abroad for anyone but the bride and groom. Therefore you have to expect a lot of nos to your RSVP and while upsetting of course you can't be offended

You're right, I think I probably should have said upset rather than offended. Cos to be honest I knew a lot of them wouldn't come, I just wanted to ask everyone so that no one could say they weren't asked. Upset is Defo the right word. I'm sensitive by nature so I think I will need a thicker skin!

Call me Al

SarahJ wrote: »

I know but it's a different situation cos its abroad, I didn't want to be asking people the normal 6 weeks before.

There is a middle ground. It doesn't have to be extreme ends of the spectrum re rsvp dates.

endacl

SarahJ wrote: »

I know but it's a different situation cos its abroad, I didn't want to be asking people the normal 6 weeks before.

Why not, if the cost would be the same?

SarahJ

endacl wrote: »

Why not, if the cost would be the same?

In case people wanted to make it their hollier as well, so before they booked their big hollier

sillysmiles

SarahJ wrote: »

I never even thought of that to be honest. I'm kind of sick that we didn't just do that.
I wonder is there a way to say to people if they change their minds closer. Cos we didn't need it set in stone if ppl were coming, we just needed an idea of the numbers, and again wanted to give ppl a heads up

Is there a reason you said Oct?

Was there a reason you didn't send save the date cards this early and then you invitations in the new year?

If you think that you could wait until the New Year until you need to know, can you talk to the people you are waiting to respond and let them know that actually you don't need to know until the New Year. Blame the venue or something.

jester77

As it's a foreign wedding I think it's fairly safe to assume that those that have not RSVPd are not going. It would be a bit different if it was local, but anyone committing to the expense of going abroad would RSVP.

SarahJ

sillysmiles wrote: »

Is there a reason you said Oct?

Was there a reason you didn't send save the date cards this early and then you invitations in the new year?

If you think that you t could wait until the New Year until you need to know, can you talk to the people you are waiting to respond and let them know that actually you don't need to know until the New Year. Blame the venue or something.

Not at all, we plucked the date from no where, it's all new to me and I think we just couldn't wait to get the invitations out there!
Would emails be too informal? I'm trying to think of a way to do it and not be annoying haha

SarahJ

jester77 wrote: »

As it's a foreign wedding I think it's fairly safe to assume that those that have not RSVPd are not going. It would be a bit different if it was local, but anyone committing to the expense of going abroad would RSVP.

I know yea, it's just annoying. we stuck stamps on all the RSVPs, put our numbers and set up an email for them. Just a simple no thanks Would do!

Dr Turk Turkelton

SarahJ wrote: »

In case people wanted to make it their hollier as well, so before they booked their big hollier

That can be a good idea of the wedding is in Spain, Portugal, the Caribbean or Mexico.
If it's in a little sleepy village in France or Malta not many people are going to holiday there especially since there is no nightlife and the shops open and close whenever it suits them.

endacl

SarahJ wrote: »

In case people wanted to make it their hollier as well, so before they booked their big hollier

I know quite a few people at the moment who won't be in a position to take any 'hollier', big or small. An invite puts pressure on people. If it's in Ireland, you can be strategic about things. Don't drink, drive back the same night etc. you have the option to participate in the celebration without breaking the bank. An invitation to a wedding abroad can put people under a fierce amount of pressure of expectation. Also, it's a bit of a cheek to decide for people where they take their holidays.

I've only ever been invited to two weddings abroad. No rsvp nonsense either time. More of a 'we'll be getting married in X in June. Would love to see you there. If you can't come, we'll see you for a party when we get back' kinda vibe. Very casual, very easy.

SarahJ

endacl wrote: »

I know quite a few people at the moment who won't be in a position to take any 'hollier', big or small. An invite puts pressure on people. If it's in Ireland, you can be strategic about things. Don't drink, drive back the same night etc. you have the option to participate in the celebration without breaking the bank. An invitation to a wedding abroad can put people under a fierce amount of pressure of expectation. Also, it's a bit of a cheek to decide for people where they take their holidays.

I've only ever been invited to two weddings abroad. No rsvp nonsense either time. More of a 'we'll be getting married in X in June. Would love to see you there. If you can't come, we'll see you for a party when we get back' kinda vibe. Very casual, very easy.

Not sure why you put hollier in the inverted commas there. I feel like you are taking this personal for some reason.
And everyone is different, I need to let the hotel know how many people are coming. Obviously the wedding you were invited to didn't have sit down meals.

Mrs Shrek

Maybe some people want to get Christmas out of the way before they can think about financing going to a wedding abroad. I know personally I would need till the new year to get a budget sorted and saving etc

SarahJ

Mrs Shrek wrote: »

Maybe some people want to get Christmas out of the way before they can think about financing going to a wedding abroad. I know personally I would need till the new year to get a budget sorted and saving etc

Very true, didn't think of that. In hindsight I wish we didn't put the date that we did, but that's the way it goes.

It's all family members really, I think that's why I am letting it annoy me. I wouldn't leave someone hanging if they asked me to let them know by a certain date. but everyone is different I guess.

endacl

SarahJ wrote: »

Not sure why you put hollier in the inverted commas there. I feel like you are taking this personal for some reason.
And everyone is different, I need to let the hotel know how many people are coming. Obviously the wedding you were invited to didn't have sit down meals.

No reply is a 'no'. Make your booking based on how many have responded 'yes'. Quit freaking out and enjoy your day. Any hotel will be able to fire out an extra table or two and a plate of chips if a few more than expected turn up. It's par for the course.

An Bhanríon

I'm not having wedding abroad myself, so don't know if things should be done differently or not. One thing I will say, though, is that lots of people forget to RSVP, assume you know they are / are not coming, buy a card and forget to send it, presume they have sent you an RSVP but have actually forgotten.... this is human nature!

My suggestion would be to get in touch with everyone a month before you need your final numbers for your venue. Ring them, as texts and e-mails can be misunderstood. Tell them you are doing your final list for the venue and just needed to go through your invitation list one last time to double check because you have a feeling you forgot to take note of a few RSVP texts (or something of the sort!)

Be VERY gracious regarding people who are not coming. It is not that they don't wish you well. They all have a good reason for not being able to make it to your wedding.

SarahJ

Thanks everyone, I definitely appreciate the honest and straight forward responses. I think I needed to just get told exactly how it is.
At the end of the day, my own and my partners immediate family are coming, that's what's most important to me.

Sunny Dayz

What's the age profile of your guests? Are they all immediate family? Are your friends all young, single, paired off, engaged, kids? If they have kids, might be difficult to take them out of school in June. Single person would obviously cost a lot more to them.
Also, on the run up to Christmas people don't have the time to think about hols next year. It really does depend on how they get over Christmas finance wise and what their pay packets are like at the end of Jan. Also, in some work places, the holiday rota doesn't go up until the new year so they can't be guaranteed the time off.


As someone else had said, you should have sent out save the date cards. Have you been chatting to your invited guests before invites were sent out to gauge who would be able to attend or not? You seem to be quite surprised that so many cannot attend or have given no indication.

SarahJ

Sunny Dayz wrote: »

What's the age profile of your guests? Are they all immediate family? Are your friends all young, single, paired off, engaged, kids? If they have kids, might be difficult to take them out of school in June. Single person would obviously cost a lot more to them.
Also, on the run up to Christmas people don't have the time to think about hols next year. It really does depend on how they get over Christmas finance wise and what their pay packets are like at the end of Jan. Also, in some work places, the holiday rota doesn't go up until the new year so they can't be guaranteed the time off.


As someone else had said, you should have sent out save the date cards. Have you been chatting to your invited guests before invites were sent out to gauge who would be able to attend or not? You seem to be quite surprised that so many cannot attend or have given no indication.

I don't think it's that I'm surprised, I think I just take it too personally which I know is so stupid believe me!

sillysmiles

A close friend of mine was getting married in April one year. The previous June she text me to book my hotel room for her wedding as the hotel were putting pressure on her. I didn't. To me that was way to far away to make that decision and I had lots of other things that needed to be dealt with first including a family wedding. Sometimes when you are trying to be helpful and give people lots of time, it actually has the opposite affect as I ended up feeling that there was no way I'd be able to know how we would be set that far in advance.

lazeedaisy

You just needed to take a step back.

people have a lot going on, your wedding takes precedence for you and it's all you can think about.

As for big and small holidays, strange Celtic tiger phenomenon, no one goes abroad for a small holiday anymore, I have not had a small or a big one in years.

Christmas, water charges, child care costs, living is expensive an asking people to plan so far in advance is sensible for you but not practical anymore.

A non response is not a no, its usually a not sure.

Why do you need to know, because if its for flight booking, send people the details same with hotel, leave the option with them without having to control it.

From someone who has been there, it's not controllable, give it up to them and leave well enough alone until a lot closer to the date.

You know the term bridezilla was coined for a reason, don't sweat the small stuff, and be rational, it's about what you are doing not anything else.

When I got married too many personalities got involved and forgot the purpose.

Its a great time in your life, don't take anything personally as its never about you. Expectations get in the way, go have a fab holiday but don't forget about those who just cannot make it.

lazygal

A wedding abroad is something I would only attend for a very close family member or friend. I don't want to take my holidays because someone else decided to get married to save a few quid. A wedding abroad is a lot of hassle and expense for many people. Giving me loads of notice isn't really going to make a difference either.

eviltwin

SarahJ wrote: »

I don't think it's that I'm surprised, I think I just take it too personally which I know is so stupid believe me!

Put yourself in your guests shoes for a moment. This is a big deal to you but not to them and its a really bad time of year with Christmas a few weeks away, money issues with that and other things. You can't expect an answer just like that.

razorblunt

SarahJ wrote: »

Well that's silly of course not. But I have been to country weddings etc and have paid as much as it would cost to come to mine. I asked people a year in advance so that they have a chance to save etc, and decide to make it their holiday.

And also, I know I'm being ridiculous being offended, I know this believe me, it's just really hard not to be

I think you can't force people to make it their holiday. They might not want to go to that country for x amount of days, take the decline and move on.

January

I wouldn't take no reply as a no... In fact, that's the worst thing you can do!

Anyone that hasn't replied has received a text or an email from me asking them if they received the invite and if they could let me know asap if they are able to attend or not as because our wedding is NYE the hotel are looking for definite numbers earlier so they can have enough staff working.

But our wedding is 6 weeks away now, not 7 months!

Neyite

SarahJ wrote: »

In case people wanted to make it their hollier as well, so before they booked their big hollier

But not everyone has a big holiday every year.
Some people may not be able to plan that far ahead. What if someone got pregnant in the meantime and couldnt fly? Or by that stage had even a newborn to care for? Or maybe someone might be getting investigative tests and on a waiting list for an operation so cant commit because they don't know yet when they will be recuperating.

What if their workplace dont allow annual leave bookings until the January or February of the leave year? Or until the manager schedules important projects? Or if someone changes jobs? Or their partner does?

There really are so many variables, and many genuine reasons why someone who would like to come to your wedding, are simply unable to confirm if they can at this stage or not. Taking offence would be wrong and you'd come off quite badly.

SarahJ wrote: »

Not sure why you put hollier in the inverted commas there. I feel like you are taking this personal for some reason.
And everyone is different, I need to let the hotel know how many people are coming. Obviously the wedding you were invited to didn't have sit down meals.

No hotel needs to know in October 2014 how many meals to serve in July 2015. But what they do need to know is room allocation. But if there are plenty of alternatives around the area you are getting married in then people can choose where to stay.

Mrs Shrek wrote: »

Maybe some people want to get Christmas out of the way before they can think about financing going to a wedding abroad. I know personally I would need till the new year to get a budget sorted and saving etc

Me too. In fact, I don't know that I would know if I could afford it until well into the spring.

superman28

Not replying to an RSVP is the hight of bad manners in my opinion.. your guests have been invited to celebrate your wedding the least they could do is reply yes or no.. I understand a few scatty people are unable to post a letter or "forget" to do so.. but I don't think its ok not to bother replying..

I would ring around every guest you didn't get a response from as you gave them 3 months notice..and ask to see if they can go or not as you need to plan for numbers etc.. It is your right to get married where and when you want, it is irrelevant if some of your guests are broke, have kids,, sun burn easily,,can't get the days off work,, etc etc... I'm sick of people moaning about being "invited" to weddings..

Do you want to go to my wedding,, yes or no.. quite simple really..

Electric Sheep

SarahJ wrote: »

Thanks everyone, I definitely appreciate the honest and straight forward responses. I think I needed to just get told exactly how it is.
At the end of the day, my own and my partners immediate family are coming, that's what's most important to me.

I think that is how it works out for most weddings abroad these days - immediate family and very close friends are the bulk of the guests.

The days of people jetting off for many long weekends abroad are gone, that a celtic tiger thing. Now most people are wary of running up their credit cards.

The important thing is that the family you love is there.

PhoenixParker

superman28 wrote: »

Not replying to an RSVP is the hight of bad manners in my opinion.. your guests have been invited to celebrate your wedding the least they could do is reply yes or no.. I understand a few scatty people are unable to post a letter or "forget" to do so.. but I don't think its ok not to bother replying..

I would ring around every guest you didn't get a response from as you gave them 3 months notice..and ask to see if they can go or not as you need to plan for numbers etc.. It is your right to get married where and when you want, it is irrelevant if some of your guests are broke, have kids,, sun burn easily,,can't get the days off work,, etc etc... I'm sick of people moaning about being "invited" to weddings..

Do you want to go to my wedding,, yes or no.. quite simple really..

Normally I'd agree with you, but expecting people to RSVP now for a wedding that's next summer is a bit ridiculous.

I may want to go to a wedding then, but who knows what'll happen in the next eight months? At least let the guests through Christmas before trying to pin them down to anything more than a "probably/probably not".

I would treat the invite as a save the date, circle it in my calendar and not think about it until next February.

kkcatlou

I think the poor OP is getting a very hard time here. Granted, I do think it was a bit crazy to be issuing an invite almost a year in advance and expecting RSVPs 8 months before the big day. I would imagine many of those who have said yes will have changed circumstances and won't be able to make it on the big day. Sure every wedding that has an RSVP date 3 weeks before the wedding ends up with people cancelling last minute due to unforseen circumstances. We got sent a save the date for a wedding abroad next summer and have said casually we'll go, but I know we won't (changed circumstances) but I won't be sharing that with the B&G just yet. Had we gotten a formal invite, I'm not sure what we'd have done!

But back to the OP - clearly you see now that what you did went against wedding etiquette, but everyone giving you a hard time over that isn't going to help you feel any better. My advice would be to try let the lack of RSVPs go for now. If it's mostly family, chances are you will see them over the next few weeks, especially with Christmas coming up and you can casually mention the wedding...it will come up anyway, and just try get a feel for their response. As people have said, in your case, I wouldn't think it's that people are rude, I'd say it's that they genuinely don't know and don't want to commit either way until they do. Bring it up in conversation, and you will probably have people say things like, they are hoping to come but need to sort out kids, finances, holiday plans, annual leave, personal circumstances first. I wouldn't start phoning around to people until at least next Spring, when at least then people will be in a circumstance to know. Doing that now will probably just make them feel more pressurised than they already do (especially if the problem is money) and perhaps cause tension.

In the meantime, try focus on the happy things about your upcoming wedding to take your mind off this. There's loads of other fun stuff you can be doing, and also Christmas is just around the corner, so try to enjoy that special time too!

SarahJ

kkcatlou wrote: »

I think the poor OP is getting a very hard time here. Granted, I do think it was a bit crazy to be issuing an invite almost a year in advance and expecting RSVPs 8 months before the big day. I would imagine many of those who have said yes will have changed circumstances and won't be able to make it on the big day. Sure every wedding that has an RSVP date 3 weeks before the wedding ends up with people cancelling last minute due to unforseen circumstances. We got sent a save the date for a wedding abroad next summer and have said casually we'll go, but I know we won't (changed circumstances) but I won't be sharing that with the B&G just yet. Had we gotten a formal invite, I'm not sure what we'd have done!

But back to the OP - clearly you see now that what you did went against wedding etiquette, but everyone giving you a hard time over that isn't going to help you feel any better. My advice would be to try let the lack of RSVPs go for now. If it's mostly family, chances are you will see them over the next few weeks, especially with Christmas coming up and you can casually mention the wedding...it will come up anyway, and just try get a feel for their response. As people have said, in your case, I wouldn't think it's that people are rude, I'd say it's that they genuinely don't know and don't want to commit either way until they do. Bring it up in conversation, and you will probably have people say things like, they are hoping to come but need to sort out kids, finances, holiday plans, annual leave, personal circumstances first. I wouldn't start phoning around to people until at least next Spring, when at least then people will be in a circumstance to know. Doing that now will probably just make them feel more pressurised than they already do (especially if the problem is money) and perhaps cause tension.

In the meantime, try focus on the happy things about your upcoming wedding to take your mind off this. There's loads of other fun stuff you can be doing, and also Christmas is just around the corner, so try to enjoy that special time too!

Thanks, I did think people where jumping on me for some strange reason! How dare I have a wedding and invite people haha.

fits

Foreign weddings are an old punch bag on boards, don't take it to heart too much. Its good that you let guests know so early, but a save the date at this stage followed by formal invite in the new year might have been more appropriate. I think a lot of people start planning out their year in January. Don't take no's to heart. I'm in the position of inviting quite a few who would have to travel, and have young families. I dont expect many of them to come though.

lazygal

SarahJ wrote: »

Thanks, I did think people where jumping on me for some strange reason! How dare I have a wedding and invite people haha.

In fairness, you're a) inviting them to a wedding for which they will have to spend considerable time and money attending and b) asking them to decide this very far in advance.
Did those you were inviting know you were going abroad? The only person I know who married abroad in recent years had only close family there. I think if you decide to get married abroad, you have to take on board that people won't know how they're fixed money and/or time wise, especially coming up on Christmas, and also that they're far more likely to decline. While I might love to attend a wedding abroad, with two children and loads of other things to consider (limited annual leave for one), I would need a fair while to decide about attending. Even a wedding in Ireland doesn't always suit us to attend.

Electric Sheep

fits wrote: »

Foreign weddings are an old punch bag on boards, don't take it to heart too much. Its good that you let guests know so early, but a save the date at this stage followed by formal invite in the new year might have been more appropriate. I think a lot of people start planning out their year in January. Don't take no's to heart. I'm in the position of inviting quite a few who would have to travel, and have young families. I dont expect many of them to come though.

I think what tends to bug me about weddings abroad (in real life) is that the B&G always seem so suprised that so many people can't/won't drop everything to plan their holidays around the wedding.

lazygal

Electric Sheep wrote: »

I think what tends to bug me about weddings abroad (in real life) is that the B&G always seem so suprised that so many people can't/won't drop everything to plan their holidays around the wedding.

What annoys me is that somehow the B&G think they're giving everyone the chance to take their holidays because of their wedding (and it'll be cheaper for them than doing a wedding at home). The one and only wedding out foreign I went to was held in a place I would never go otherwise and wouldn't have missed not seeing at all.

amdublin

Invites to an abroad wedding is not a simple yes or no.

Well for me it is - no I can't afford it.

But maybe people are embarrassed to tell you that.