girl from working sending boyfriend private messages on facebook

LegacyUser

hello, im going out with my fella a year now, and over the weekend 3 different times his phone beeped with private messages from a girl he works with, just general chit chat like how are you what you upto the weekend, and so on, im not the jealous type at all and as far as i know she has a boyfriend but i just want to know should i be worried and how would other girls feel if this happened, even when he didnt reply to one she sent another message the next day trying to get the chat going again?

freshpopcorn

Men can be friends with women and men.
Women can be froends with men and women.
I don't really see an issue. She might have just being bored and looking for a chat.

Tokyo

If it's not something he's going out of his way to hide from you and the content isn't concerning (and there's nothing in your post to suggest that he is), then I wouldn't worry about it. Looking at my own friends list here for a second, it's about 50/50 male to female, some single, others in a relationship or married, and I wouldn't give a second thought to dropping them a 'hello' now and again.

I'm in a watsapp group with a couple of lads from work and we tend to be talking pure sh!te sometimes. I wouldn't worry about it

ShowMeTheCash

Women have a non-jealous type?
You learn something new every day

Sounds harmless but spy on him just in case.

Tokyo

ShowMeTheCash - the fact that it's only been 8 days since your last ban tells me that you either don't 'get' the PI forum, or don't want to. Either way, that kind of generalisation isn't welcome here. Banned for two weeks.

Rubberchikken

it could be a genuine friendship. if he's upfront about it and wouldn' t give you grief if the shoe was on the other foot, then i'd say relax and see.

you could ask him. i think you're entitled to if you are worried or concerned.

Kathy22

It sounds like they are just friends. I have male friends from home and from college I stay in touch with and text them from time to time and can sometimes have conversations for over a few hours. Girls can be just friends with guys. My husband knows them and has met them many times and I also know their partners. It sounds like he isnt hiding anything so I would just relax. Why not casually ask who she is, try not sound like you are probing though as he might suspect your intensions and lack of trust.

blatantrereg

not the jealous type at all, but you are concerned about casual facebook messages?
You clearly are the jealous type. You might have a look at your attitudes and behaviour in general.

LegacyUser

no im not the jealous type i dont mind him having female friends but again this weekend she has being sending him messages non stop,even when she was on a night out with friends late at night so i may have something to worry about?

Tokyo

I'm not sure what you'd like us to tell you here to be honest - it's beginning to seem like you want to be told that yes, this is a bad thing, so that you have ammunition to confront him with. From what you've said so far he's (a) shared the messages with you, and (b) the content is general chit chat. If he was sneaking off to the bathroom to take her messages at two o' clock in the morning I might say that you should be concerned, but so far that's not the case.

If it really is making you that uncomfortable then by all means talk to him about it - but paint it as it is - you being uncomfortable with it, not as him having done something wrong and you exercising your right to tell him he can't talk to this person. Otherwise you will have something to worry about - pushing him away.

Est28

blatantrereg wrote: »

not the jealous type at all, but you are concerned about casual facebook messages?
You clearly are the jealous type. You might have a look at your attitudes and behaviour in general.

I think that's unfair on the OP.
I'd consider myself in the same bracket as someone who's not typically the jealous type and just prefer to let anyone I'm seeing to go do their own thing without needing to be "in the know" 24/7. But there's times that people push your buttons.

Despite saying I'm "not that type", I did have one GF a couple of years back who drove me to distraction when things began to just feel a miss... so in fairness, if the OP isn't the sort to be that nosey otherwise, but feels a bit uncomfortable out another girl messaging him then it's fair enough.

As for the OP, I think the other advice so far is good. I have female friends who just text for a chat sometimes or group chats where people are just talking rubbish when they're bored so the messages pop up on my phone. If he was blatantly trying to hide the whole thing from you, maybe I'd be concerned there's a reason but you know about it and it doesn't seem a big deal so probably not much to actually read into it.

retro:electro

I think people are being unfair on the op. I'm guessing I'm in the minority here but if some girl was messaging my boyfriend on a Saturday night while she was out with her friends I'd be concerned too. She is allowed to be concerned about this girls intentions and and motivations without accusing her boyfriend or thinking he is going to cheat. Op is your boyfriend messaging her back? Because if he is then you can't really solely blame her as he is continuing on the conversation, you may need to have a chat with him there. If he isn't messaging her back and she's just sending random messages without any responses well then she sounds odd.

skallywag

emmmz124 wrote: »

...sending him messages non stop...

You mentioned it was just 3 times the previous weekend, have things escalated significantly since then?

cloudatlas

I've been on the other side of this. Was friends with someone, completely innocent but unbeknownst to me the other half was going nuts behind the scenes so the relationship soured and I stopped contacting them. I felt awful like I had done something wrong.

The issue is not this girl. The issue is you. If you don't trust your boyfriend then maybe it's time to take a long hard look at your relationship and your own insecurities. There's a lot of talk about this other woman. What about your boyfriend, if she was flirting overtly with him in these messages what do you imagine he would do?

Est28

cloudatlas wrote: »

I've been on the other side of this. Was friends with someone, completely innocent but unbeknownst to me the other half was going nuts behind the scenes so the relationship soured and I stopped contacting them. I felt awful like I had done something wrong.

The issue is not this girl. The issue is you. If you don't trust your boyfriend then maybe it's time to take a long hard look at your relationship and your own insecurities. There's a lot of talk about this other woman. What about your boyfriend, if she was flirting overtly with him in these messages what do you imagine he would do?

So... the OTHER girl, as in, the actual girlfriend is the one with the problem even though you're the one overstepping your bounds? If someone is in a relationship, in fairness, there's an appropriate amount of friend of the opposite sex interaction and there's overstepping your bounds. If the GF is freaking, why is SHE the one the be having the problem? You should know full well you're pushing the boat... perhaps there was more to it on your part, but who knows, I would only be speculating.

cloudatlas

Est28 wrote: »

So... the OTHER girl, as in, the actual girlfriend is the one with the problem even though you're the one overstepping your bounds? If someone is in a relationship, in fairness, there's an appropriate amount of friend of the opposite sex interaction and there's overstepping your bounds. If the GF is freaking, why is SHE the one the be having the problem? You should know full well you're pushing the boat... perhaps there was more to it on your part, but who knows, I would only be speculating.

Hold on who said that this girl was overstepping any bounds. We have no idea what she has been saying. So far it's just been irrational speculation. I put forward a point of view, something that I had experience of and I asked the O.P. to think about it. I don't wish anyone any ill will. I hope the situation works out but cool heads prevail in these situations. I don't think a lot of interaction is a problem with friends or work colleagues, you as an individual determine the level of interaction. The problem, if there is any problem at all is the content of the actual messages not the frequency. I think the O.P. may be over reacting since she has no evidence that the messages are flirtatious.

Pippy1976

emmmz124 wrote: »

im not the jealous type at all

Why are you posting, so?

keithclancy

emmmz124 wrote: »

hello, im going out with my fella a year now, and over the weekend 3 different times his phone beeped with private messages from a girl he works with, just general chit chat like how are you what you upto the weekend, and so on, im not the jealous type at all and as far as i know she has a boyfriend but i just want to know should i be worried and how would other girls feel if this happened, even when he didnt reply to one she sent another message the next day trying to get the chat going again?

The fact that you know who it is, what the messages are and who its from would make me think that its innocent.

Just because its a female doesn't mean he's romantically involved with her.

I would say your best choice is to talk to him directly about it in a calm way, the conversation may help reduce or remove your jealousy.