Friend has too much money

timecurve12

Hello, just something I need to get off my chest. Honestly do you think I have the right to be a bit upset about this or should I just try and let it go?

Basically, I have good friend who lives in another country and we talk over skype. He is a lovely person in so many ways and a good friend. The only thing is, he lives at home, his parents are in a good position financially (normal people but own three houses), his sister is mid-twenties but owns her own house. I don't live at home, my rent is quite high, I am a student and don't have a lot of money. My family is also really messed up in a lot of ways, including that we all struggle financially.

What my issue is, is my friend literally complains about how much money he has, in savings etc. He apparently has a couple of savings accounts, one from earnings from his last job and another that has been building interest from an inheritance he received as a child. He was actually complaining the last time I talked to him about how his inheritance is going to become available to him soon, and then he'll have even more money that he doesn't need. I've told him I struggle with money so I think he's being a bit insensitive.

I know partly this is jealousy from me so I never say anything when he's talking about it. And I don't want to snap at him and say that he really knows nothing about the real world, he doesn't know how so extremely lucky he is etc. So I just let everything build up inside me and never say anything. I have to add, I'm going through a bad time at the moment so someone almost rubbing in my face about something that is an issue for me is kind of difficult to take and I let it upset me even more. What should I do? I feel like I want to avoid him afterwards as I feel anger built up in me. Am I being ridiculous? I would just like some outside perspective. Thanks.

h2005

I think you're being ridiculous. Just because some one has money doesn't mean thet ate not living in the real world. To be honest your post just smacks of jealousy.

TheBeardedLady

Yes he's being a bit insensitive considering your circumstances and if I were you, I'd probably make a joke about it instead of confronting them. I'm not a fan of the expression, "First world problem" but really, this is the very definition of a stupid first world problem. I'd say something along the lines of, "Ah here! That's hardly a a problem now, is it?" and leave it at that. Sometimes people genuinely don't realise they're being insensitive and a gentle reminder to basically cop the hell on in a nice way might sort it out.

timecurve12

h2005 wrote: »

I think you're being ridiculous. Just because some one has money doesn't mean thet ate not living in the real world. To be honest your post just smacks of jealousy.

Thanks for your reply, although I feel you were a little harsh. The 'real world' comment comes from a place of anger and jealously, I know that. It's just that not everyone is lucky enough to live at home and be in a good situation, so I guess I don't believe if you live at home you can fully understand having to pay rent, bills etc. So if you are lucky, I think you should try, if you can, to be sensitive to others who aren't as lucky.

Typer Monkey

timecurve12 wrote: »

Thanks for your reply, although I feel you were a little harsh. The 'real world' comment comes from a place of anger and jealously, I know that. It's just that not everyone is lucky enough to live at home and be in a good situation, so I guess I don't believe if you live at home you can fully understand having to pay rent, bills etc. So if you are lucky, I think you should try, if you can, to be sensitive to others who aren't as lucky.

Why don't you express that to him? No point sitting there seething. If you tell him calmly why it annoys you then he might stop doing it.

timecurve12

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

Yes he's being a bit insensitive considering your circumstances and if I were you, I'd probably make a joke about it instead of confronting them. I'm not a fan of the expression, "First world problem" but really, this is the very definition of a stupid first world problem. I'd say something along the lines of, "Ah here! That's hardly a a problem now, is it?" and leave it at that. Sometimes people genuinely don't realise they're being insensitive and a gentle reminder to basically cop the hell on in a nice way might sort it out.

Thanks for your reply, I feel a bit relieved, becuase the 'first world problem' I guess is what I was thinking too. I will try the jokey approach 'cause I don't want to make it a bigger deal than it is. Yep I don't think he realises he's being insensitive, purely because he's never been in my situation (I know I have to accept this too). We can all be insensitive and take things for granted sometimes.

Chocolate Lions

It's terrible form to complain about having money, especially to someone you know isn't as well off. It sounds like the person is trying to brag while also trying to play themselves off as uncaring about what they're worth. Obnoxious is a word that comes to mind.

If it's annoying you then just don't listen to it. Make a point of changing the subject or just switch off. I wouldn't be able to listen to someone whine about having savings, Jesus Christ life's too short to entertain that sh1te.

TheBeardedLady

timecurve12 wrote: »

Thanks for your reply, I feel a bit relieved, becuase the 'first world problem' I guess is what I was thinking too. I will try the jokey approach 'cause I don't want to make it a bigger deal than it is. Yep I don't think he realises he's being insensitive, purely because he's never been in my situation (I know I have to accept this too). We can all be insensitive and take things for granted sometimes.

Tbh, I don't think you have to have been in someone's shoes to know something is insensitive but perhaps they're just a bit clueless? Would he be a tactless person generally? If not, then I'd do what I suggested but if not, then maybe it's time for a calm chat about this in a non confrontational way.

Envy in this case is a fairly human reaction imo and you can't control that feeling but the fact that you're aware of it and have kept it in check up to now means you dealt with this emotion the best you can.

meeeeh

I think it is a bit vulgar to brag about the money. It's okay to ask advice what to do with it but just talking about how much money you have is a bit like buying pink range rover. Too much money and not enough sense.

Btw I haven't got a clue how many accounts or what savings my friends have, despite some of them being fairly well off.

Matteroffact

Tell him if he has a problem with his money you can take care of it for him.

Big Bag of Chips

Tell him if he thinks he has too much he can always give some of it away. Plenty of charities would be delighted with a sizeable donation. It's not his fault that you are struggling financially, but he obviously has no clue of the etiquette surrounding money. Bragging about how much you have is just crass, attention seeking, and not likely to make you many friends.

Maybe you could let him know that?

LegacyUser

Suggest he donate some to charity childline needs some right now. Your difficulties are not his problem but if i had a friend who kept flaunting it and they need i was strapped i wouldn't think they were that sensitive to others. In fact i would think they were obnoxious and spoilt.

Also he is going to attract potential con artists if he keeps bragging liberally. It's bit odd to talk about your money it's not usual. Whether you are rolling in it or not. I wouldn't tallk to him about your finances either keep it to yourself he will think you're begging.

ManOfMystery

How exactly is he 'complaining' about having money - can you elaborate? Is he saying things like "I hate having all this money, it makes me depressed...!" or is he only mentioning offhand that he has a lot of savings, and you're reading into it? It just seems strange. Very few people (be they born into money or earned it themselves) would be unhappy about having enough wealth to get by and then some. And if it bothered them that much, there's nothing to stop them giving it away.

dellas1979

It is beyond a silly complaint at a surface level...but I guess everyone's complaints are relative to themselves. If/when he brings it up again, ask him why he feels it is a burden? (maybe there is a genuine reason). If it is just about spending money, id then say to him, from your point of view, that it is a very bizarre complaint.

Shrap

timecurve12 wrote: »

What my issue is, is my friend literally complains about how much money he has, in savings etc. He apparently has a couple of savings accounts, one from earnings from his last job and another that has been building interest from an inheritance he received as a child. He was actually complaining the last time I talked to him about how his inheritance is going to become available to him soon, and then he'll have even more money that he doesn't need. I've told him I struggle with money so I think he's being a bit insensitive.

Does he perhaps have socialist principals and feels guilty about having more than he needs? Is that why he's complaining? Some of it he earned, the rest is good fortune and for what ever reason, he seems to be struggling with that issue and feels that you would understand how he's feeling - but do you? Where is he coming from on this?

And yes, I'd be jealous too, and slightly resentful that my friend appears to be looking a gift horse in the mouth instead of determining to do something useful with his gift. However, he might be genuinely having a hard time reconciling his own good fortune with how his friends are in a less fortunate position. Is that a possibility? Ungrateful as that may seem, he could be at a genuine loss as to how to handle that. Not that you should be able to solve a moral dilemma for him, but you could maybe ask him some pertinent questions about how he intends to get over himself......

Shrap

ManOfMystery wrote: »

Very few people (be they born into money or earned it themselves) would be unhappy about having enough wealth to get by and then some. And if it bothered them that much, there's nothing to stop them giving it away.

A friend of mine did just that and felt just like that. He is one of the most intelligent and principled people I know and has a massively privileged background, but one day he walked away from it all and supports himself as a hobo welder, welcome in every town he stays in. In his 60's now, his life is rough but incredibly honest. It would be a hard road to do that, but it was clearly less hard to him than to accept that people born into privilege should learn to accept the discrepancy between them and people born into poverty.

"Put your money where your mouth is" might be an appropriate thing to say to this friend of your's OP. Maybe a bit harsh though.....

sunshine and showers

Maybe nobody has told him that talking about money is crass. I think it's time you did.

walshb

If your friend knows your predicament and he is moaning about having plentiful access to money then it is him who is being insensitive and ridiculous. What is so bad that he has to moan about having access to "what makes the world go round?"

walshb

h2005 wrote: »

I think you're being ridiculous. Just because some one has money doesn't mean thet ate not living in the real world. To be honest your post just smacks of jealousy.

No, his post does not smack of jealousy, and he is far from being ridiculous. His reaction is quite natural and normal. BTW, jealousy exists in all of us.

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

ShowMeTheCash

Seems a little weird he is complaining he has too much money.
It's like me saying "Damn I am just too good looking"
As someone already mentioned talking about money or how much you have is never really a good idea, perhaps he is "new" to having money and is trying to show off??

Just let it go it's not really a big deal unless you make it a big deal.
Be careful of the "real world" statement as the real world is a matter of perspective.

In 10 years time you might become very successful and your future self my find your comment offensive.

meeeeh

Shrap wrote: »

Does he perhaps have socialist principals and feels guilty about having more than he needs?.

People with socialist principles I know have problems with other people's money not their own.

Considering op knows about different accounts his friend has, I think that friend is talking too much about it. Op it bothers you enough to start a thread here so I would politely ask friend to stop moaning about first world problems. But I also sense you feel it's a bit unfair you have all this problems and you friend's life seems to be plain sailing. It is never that simple and your friend could have some other hardships. You will have to struggle through your problems and try not to compare yourself to your friend.

Beaner1

Have you ever met this person?

Est28

OP, you're being ridiculous.

The problems on these boards just all come from one side... the person complaining. Who in the heck constantly complains about too much money?

If we heard the friends side, I bet he just mentioned in conversation somehow about the savings or inheritance or what he might plan to do with it or whatever the the OP is being oversensitve and nosey and taking offense where there was none ever intended. He probably has no idea it's a sore spot.

At worst, he's probably guilty of just being a bit oblivious that the person he's talking to isn't in the same financial situation as him.

But as for anything else, how much money he has or hasn't got is none of your business or worry OP.

Mark Tapley

You should be able to be direct with good friends. Say - Mention your excess money one more time and I will get on the first flight out to you and set fire to your pubes.

B.A._Baracus

timecurve12,
Lets think about this logically. Your friend is living in a different country and is telling you about how great their financial situation is. Via Skype. Via the Internet. Whilst no real world contact with you.

walshb

Est28 wrote: »

OP, you're being ridiculous.

The problems on these boards just all come from one side... the person complaining. Who in the heck constantly complains about too much money?

If we heard the friends side, I bet he just mentioned in conversation somehow about the savings or inheritance or what he might plan to do with it or whatever the the OP is being oversensitve and nosey and taking offense where there was none ever intended. He probably has no idea it's a sore spot.

At worst, he's probably guilty of just being a bit oblivious that the person he's talking to isn't in the same financial situation as him.

But as for anything else, how much money he has or hasn't got is none of your business or worry OP.

But we don't have two sides, and we take the OP at his/her word. Otherwise we couldn't offer any advice.

Neyite

Are you female OP?

I met a guy once as part of a group of friends out, I barely got his name when he started talking about how loaded was and how hard it was to find a girlfriend who wasnt a gold-digger. Me, being a tad blunt, especially with a few drinks on boards suggested that if he wanted to meet non-materialistic women who were not gold-diggers then he probably shouldn't mention this vast wealth as a conversation opener.:rolleyes:

Some days later the girls of the group got chatting, and hilariously, realised this was actually his chat-up line to women. He had used it on all of us during the course of that night. I think he genuinely thought that he was a more attractive prospect claiming to be wealthy.

Could it be something like that?

Its such a bizarre thing to complain about, to see as a genuine problem in your life. I agree with being straightforward - tell him that you find bragging about money vulgar and crass, suggest charities he can donate to, or tell him to build a hospital wing in his name or something, if its that much of a burden.

timecurve12

Sorry I've left it so long to reply. For the record, (I don't know why people are asking) I have met him in person quite a few times and have known him years. I agree with a couple of posters that what he has said has been sort of blown out of proportion, due to my sensitivity about this issue. I don't think he was bragging (pretty sure about that). Why I mentioned all the background stuff about his family and never living away from home is that I don't think he realises what it's truly like to struggle for money.

I agree that 'complaining' was maybe the wrong word to use. But it kind of sounded like he was, especially about his inheritance coming through. I just think the insensitivity comes from being oblivious as others have pinpointed. I'm just going to say it to next time, that it's kind of getting on my nerves. Hopefully I won't blow up at him. Thanks for all the replies!

Rubberchikken

Any adult who's still living at home and has no money worries is removed from the real world.
At the same time he is probably aware that he has a lot more than others and with this inheritance coming his way, is there any chance he'a a little worried?

I realise that people who are short of money can find it impossible to understand how someone with money could be complaining, but maybe there's something else niggling him.

Lau2976

I do think its not too uncommon for people to complain of too much money, some people don't know how to handle money, especially if they haven't had to deal with it before, so to them too much may seem just as bad as too little, even if logically it ins't.

triple nipple

ask him for some spare change