crap life

LegacyUser

I'm a 36 year old single man that's living a very sad and boring life ,so much so I think I'm going to be single forever

My week is basically work all week and at the weekend stay in my apartment alone drinking a lot whilst I'm either on the internet or watching dvds, its a vicious cycle and my drinking is primarily down to boredom

I go out the odd night with the few friends that I have but I don't enjoy it , I never try to chat to girls because I am overweight and have no confidence in myself what so ever, also confidence aside I think most women would find me boring because I don't have many interests and I don't have that cocky, funny type way that a lot of lads do when they start taking to girls out.

A lot of my issues are very fixable

1. Lose weight- I know how to do this, its an area I am very interested in and I have lost a lot of weight in the past

2. Quit the drink. This one will be tougher because I have built up such a strong habit at this stage, plus the boredom is tougher to bare if I don't drink

My biggest problem is that I am kind of a blow in , in this small city that I live in and I don't have any friends here to socialise with plus at 36 making new friends is much tougher than for someone that's in their 20s

would appreciate advice

Rubberchikken

Start with the weight loss.
I know that maybe the last thing you feel like after a day at work is exercise but it's great for the head and obviously the body.

Do you think you need to chat to your gp about the drinking or would you be able to cut it back slowly yourself?

Sorry i dont have any solid advice.

Good luck

Pessimist

I would concentrate on weight loss as well. You say you know a bit about it, so it's something you can achieve & also there's an interest in itself.

Would you consider joining a gym or other exercise programme? Could be a good way to meet people plus help you feel more confident and attractive. It will help with the weight loss, release natural endorphins, plus is a good past time so you'll drink less.

Meet-up.com (I think it is) could have local meet-ups in your area, which could centre on cinema, walks, coffee & chats etc.

Just as a side note, you sound like a really nice, articulate, genuine person! You're Not blaming others or society for things etc. just thought I'd point that out as I'm sure there are lots of people who would want to be friends with you if you make the effort.

Good luck.

AstraOwner

Don't let your weight affect your life so much, and don't put it as the cause of all your problems. There are a huge percentage of overweight people in the country doing just fine.
Losing weight will help you a lot and you should make the effort. But it is very tough to do. Most people now try to do it all their lives.

How about joining a walking club? Or a cycling club? If you're unsure but it's a possibility, just promise it to yourself that you will go at least the once.

It would help you lose weight. It will help you meet people. It will help you to fill your time and cut down on the drink. And it will give you something to talk about.

Go for it.

R.D. aka MR.D

I agree with the other posters and think that starting with the weight loss is a great idea.

It can be hard to get motivated to exercise. Believe me, I know. I lost almost 3 stone.

A lot of weight loss is diet. Do you cook at all? Something that I find interesting (wouldn't have ever imagined my self thinking this 4 or 5 years ago) is to look up a recipe and go out and buy the ingredients and cook it up. That gets you out of the house and doing something.

From what I've heard, there are a good few men at those slimming world and weight watchers meetings that you see. People there aren't judgmental because you are all there for the same reason. Again, youre out and doing something.

How about a walk? When I was living alone and free on the weekend sometimes, i would just head out the front door and walk for 3 or 4 hours. Just look around me. You always feel better after that than 3 or 4 hours spent on the internet.


You're a 36 year old man and you don't need anyone on the internet to tell you that it's not a good idea to drink so much. If you feel like you can't give it up then cut back. Buy x amount and then have that last for x amount of days and don't allow yourself to buy more. If you feel like you absolutely can't stop/cut back then visit your GP and see about getting some professional help..


Every day is a new day to wake up and change your life for the better. It might be something small but keep at it and you can do it.

shortys94

Man I gotta say the exercise and healthy eating really improves your life to an unbelievable extent, it's for sure not easy to start with but soon it becomes such an integral part of your life. Confidence and physical attributes all benefit and its hard to stop the lifestyle once you begin.

Hope you find improvements!

Sinall

OP, it sounds like finding ways to alleviate boredom will help a lot. Even reading would make a change from the internet or tv.

Start with small, achievable steps. Just to challenge yourself give up drink for one week. See how it feels and see how much better you feel. Do you have friends or family in other areas that you can visit at weekends? Or maybe they can come to see you.

Find something you like to do - sports, an evening class etc and just do it one night a week. If you find something that interests you then it's so much easier to get involved.

Go for a short walk every day. Natural light and fresh air always has a positive impact. Make sure you're getting enough sleep.

Make some changes in your life. Pick one and do it tomorrow. It doesn't have to be all or nothing - the small steps get you there, too.

n.d.os

Online dating could really work for you. I don't have any experience myself but I have friends who have met their future husbands/wives in this way. Screw your weight. Your are perfect the way your are. You are at a good age to meet someone online and after you find happiness in this regard then your weight and drink problems will sort themselves out.

knucklehead6

n.d.os wrote: »

Online dating could really work for you. I don't have any experience myself but I have friends who have met their future husbands/wives in this way. Screw your weight. Your are perfect the way your are. You are at a good age to meet someone online and after you find happiness in this regard then your weight and drink problems will sort themselves out.

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!

I cannot stress this enough OP, if you are feeling down or vulnerable or unhappy then OD is NOT the way to go. You need the hide of a particularly stubborn rhinoceros in OD because unless you are a incredibly attractive person you will find yourself mailing people who just do not reply.

Online Dating is all about the first impression and unless you have a good picture and a very strong sense of self confidence you will take a bit of a beating there.


My own advice would be to combat the weight first. You say you know how to do this, go do it. The added bonus of it being in an area you enjoy is even better. If you can join a club that specialises or covers this area then even better again!!
That way you will make friends, you will meet people, and I don't know what area you are talking about but i joined a bootcamp last march... Since then i have lost 4 inches off my waistline and have met a LOT of really nice people who not only encourage me at training but have also invited me on nights out.

The weight loss will help the confidence and if you can join a club it will help the loneliness too.

ShowMeTheCash

Dude look at the positives.

I am 34 two kids and work crazy hours, lucky if I have been out with mates 4 or 5 times this year if I had time to think about it I would probably go crazy!

Sounds like you lack motivation, when I was single my week comprised of three main things.

Go to work.
Go to the gym.
Have fun at weekends.

Like a balanced diet to you need to have + and - activities.
Gym +
Drinking -
Drinking to0 much --
Playing for local soccer team +
Playing for a work team +

If you are feeling depressed, cut the drink out it wil not make you feel better.
People have mentioned loose weight but dropping weight can actually make you feel worse, just get motivated try and add + activities into your routine.

walshb

In a nutshell you need to quit alcohol. It sounds like a dependency. Best to tackle it now, and to try and quit. Losing weight has multiple effects. You look better, you feel better and your mental health should be better. Exercise as much as you can. Very good for the mind and the body.

lamegerty

I reckon concentrate on trying to meet people if that is what you are interested in. It's worth looking for meet up groups, you could join one that is exercise related like hiking or tennis or whatever sort of sport or social activity that interests you. On the back of that you could motivate yourself to lose a bit of weight and cut back on alcohol but I think it is easier to do that when you've started on the social side first. I don't think you should have to lose the weight before you meet people socially, most people don't care if you're overweight, it's more about going to the meet up or whatever club you decide to go to and enjoying what you are doing.

castaway_lady

Man last year I was in a similar vein, single, had never had a relationship and was very bored with life (although not a drinker). 12 months on it couldn't be more different, relationship, busy, fun life that's better than I could ever have dreamed of. Search my previous post "terminally single" on here.

So here's what I learned, maybe some of it will be of use to you:
- Do something! Change something.....start with anything. In your case the small step of hitting the gym sounds like a plan...don't do it banking on meeting people but be open to it, but mostly motivated by improving your body image. Just decide that Monday is the day you'll do that and do it! Then hit the supermarket but pass on the drinks aisle.
- Book a plane ticket to somewhere new and let your mind wander to the possibilities beyond your four walls. Get some brochures.
- Yep do online dating. It wont work out more often than it will but it only needs to work once. Just dont use it as a total substitute for other outings, complement them with it. Write an honest profile, put up real photos, state what you are and are not interested in. Don't get over-invested in anyone too soon, just chalk them up to experience and don't lose sleep about anyone. Disappearing acts are fairly routine online, those who do really are just not for you- feck it!!

Listen....you could ignore all this and stay kicking it around in your head, frustrated and waiting and hoping for a cure but with that time you could also chance doing something. Time will pass anyway.

(both myself and my other half had the same recent history like you, single, depressed about it, bored with life.....but took a chance on action- be the hero of your own life here! Don't sit, drink and wait. It's a waste of life. Best of luck.

Est28

sad lonely life wrote: »

I'm a 36 year old single man that's living a very sad and boring life ,so much so I think I'm going to be single forever

My week is basically work all week and at the weekend stay in my apartment alone drinking a lot whilst I'm either on the internet or watching dvds, its a vicious cycle and my drinking is primarily down to boredom

I go out the odd night with the few friends that I have but I don't enjoy it , I never try to chat to girls because I am overweight and have no confidence in myself what so ever, also confidence aside I think most women would find me boring because I don't have many interests and I don't have that cocky, funny type way that a lot of lads do when they start taking to girls out.

A lot of my issues are very fixable

1. Lose weight- I know how to do this, its an area I am very interested in and I have lost a lot of weight in the past

2. Quit the drink. This one will be tougher because I have built up such a strong habit at this stage, plus the boredom is tougher to bare if I don't drink

My biggest problem is that I am kind of a blow in , in this small city that I live in and I don't have any friends here to socialise with plus at 36 making new friends is much tougher than for someone that's in their 20s

would appreciate advice

OP,
I moved abroad a few years ago. I guess I could draw some parallels. Relatively quiet, kept to myself a bit, didn't really know anyone, seemed to just work all the time and had nothing planned for my little time off.

At the end of the day, I was down for a while but realized nobody was coming knocking on my door to "fix" anything. I had to kick myself into going out and doing stuff for myself. Then I had to just start talking to more people, even if it was buying the paper, get into the habit of making chit chat.

I know, I know... "How does that help!?!?" you ask... but it does. It starts small and it's how you get to know people, it also gets you out of a funk if you spend a lot of time just talking with yourself with noone else around.

I actually started planning a Google Calendar which shows up on my phone.
I plan out my week. Work is work. Certain time is set aside to do all the chores in one big block. And other times is designated to do SOMETHING. Could be anything but it means I make a plan, get up, get out and go do it.

It could be a concert, a show, going to the pub, a walk, or anything.

Fitness helped me a lot. I got really into it maybe 2/3 years back. I was never really fit so it was great motivation, used up lots of time and you feel great when you start seeing results.

I had to just start joining things like a soccer team and whatever you're into, but you've got to make a move to talk to people. Others just always assume everyone else has friends and doesn't bother to make new ones unless you lead it.