5 Months on, good and bad!

LegacyUser

I posted this thread ( http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057247871 ) 5 months ago.

Let me star with the good. i write this most of all for people who are going through their own loss/ grief.

Things have really turned a corner, things are back on the up. when dad left us, i thought my life was over with his. i took it really bad. it's been a rollercoaster to this point, i've been through it all. looking back now my panic and anxiety had started before he had even died. but by the time i wrote the previous thread above i was in the thick of it. i was ****ed :P to use a technical term.

i had every aspect of anxiety. lack of energy, not sleeping, not eating, anxiety (fear) over my health, headaches, panic attacks, dizzyness, light headedness, heavy headedness, massive amounts of muscle tension, chest pains, brain zaps, heart palpitations, the works.

the rate at which these symptoms came over me shocked me! i was terrified, i had no idea how to put it right. i went to my gp, who suggested a counsellor. thankfully (i think) due to the nature of dads death, a cancer care charity were in a position to offer me a counsellor. i went into it with not the most open mind in the world if i'm honest, thinking "i already know my problems, i don't need to talk about them". anyway i attended 9 weekly sessions and he said it appeared i had a post traumatic stress disorder.

5 months down the line though, things are "OK" again. not perfect by any means but so much better. i still have some occasional anxious symptoms but to rate it out of 100%, i've gone from 80% anxious to maybe 10%, sometimes i still get a dart of a chest pain or a brain zap or a light headed spell, but i've gone from having bad days or bad weeks to just having bad hours or bad lunch breaks.

i wouldn't attribute the "success" this far totally to the counsellor although visiting one kept me on the straight and narrow with a firm but sympathetic ear, good sound advice on how to deal with anxiety and getting to the root issue of what brought it about in my, which wasn't strictly my dads passing, even though i assumed that was it. i would certainly recommend counselling to anyone who is closed minded to it, i was full sure it was all a nonsense but it has helped me unbelievably. now it required a lot of courage and confidence and pushing myself hard on my own part to not give in and not let it consume me.

every day you are afraid to go out, you have to get up and go. every time you get dizzy you have to keep walking, every brain zap you get you just take a breath and move on, every chest pain or head ache you get, you are ok you just have to keep persevering with it. keep pushing through it and eventually you will move on from them, eventually they will go away, eventually you will feel your old self again

i don't want to be talking like a self proclaimed hero, i know people suffer from anxiety and post traumatic stress disorder for years, i am merely sharing my experiences and letting people know it is possible to come out the other side, just work with yourself and you can be ok again!

i'd like to end with a question though, or by asking for advice. my memory is still gone to ****. i am gone desperately forgetful. i am in college, my concentration in class is pathetic. i find driving a little daunting as my concentration/ agility at junctions, pulling out etc isn't great and i am just gone very forgetful. in work i'd be forgetting tasks, forgetting where i put bits down and things like that. i still don't sleep too great, i used to be a very sound sleeper.

is memory loss/ lack of concentration a symptom/ side effect of anxiety and is it ok to feel like it this far on? it's the only thing really daunting me anymore.

LegacyUser

I'm sorry about the loss of your dad and the pain and difficulties you've endured since.

I can't speak for grief but as a sufferer of ptsd and anxiety I suffer terrible problems with my memory and concentration. It is definitely a symptom of ptsd although I do think in my case it's probably 50% caused by my ptsd and 50% from my drinking and drug taking which is also ptsd related. Please try to avoid this self medicating route, it doesn't help in the long term.

LegacyUser

I'm sorry that you've lost your father and that om top of your grief you've had these difficulties.

I'm a ptsd sufferer. It's something I've been battling for the last few years and have had serious difficulty getting control over. Memory loss and poor concentration are common symptoms of ptsd. I suffer badly with it. Sometimes it's manageable, sometimes it's very bad. In my case I think it's about 50% a direct result of my ptsd and about 50% due to my drinking and drugs, both prescribed and not prescribed. Be very careful not to go down this route. It offers short term help but makes symptoms worse in the long term.

It serms you're doing well, keep up the good work

Semele

Memory loss and poor concentration are really common in most cases of mental distress- everything from a stressful life period to a serious, diagnosable condition.

It makes sense when you think of it in terms of effort. Your brain only has so much capacity to manage competing demands, and stress, anxiety, depression etc all eat up huge amount of mental effort whether you're consciously aware of it or not, leaving less to go on other tasks. You do what you have to to get by and keep going, and when you aren't feeling 100% mentally your resources get diverted towards the most pressing task of managing that.

The best thing that you can do is find ways to manage stress and thus free up more resources for your brain to draw on. It'll be different for everyone, but things like regular meditation, socialising, exercise etc are all ways of putting metaphorical "money in the bank" and recharging.