Am i wrong to feel hurt by new friends

doireann08

Hi everyone

Just wanted to get some outside perspective. I joined a sports group about 2 years ago and have met a load of new people through it

One of the lads in the sports group suggested to a few of us that we go to Stockholm the last week in October. A load of us booked back in April. 10 of us went in total, some were friends of friends. 2 of the girls, I would have considered new friends.

Anyway my birthday was on the last Monday ( the day we were returning home)I didn't tell anyone that it was birthday, but the two girls would have known from facebook

Holiday is going well - everyone is getting on well. One of the girls J asks me on the Sunday - is it your bithday tomorrow and I said it was

As it so happened me and the two girls ( one is J) had booked a lovely restaurant in Stockholm for the Sunday night a few weeks before. Lovely time was had. However they both knew it was my birthday and they never even offered to buy me a drink- I just feel a bit hurt. I wouldn't classify them as close friends but we were beginning to hang out a lot more particuarly since Jan. We would meet outside of the sports training

The next day - Monday, the day of my birthday, again barely a mention of happy birthday

Would you be hurt by this?

jamesbondings

personally, no i wouldnt, birthdays to me arent a huge deal.

maybe as you hadnt mentioned it to the gang J decided not to say anything as maybe she thought you didnt want a fuss made!

to not offer at least a drink is a bit sh1t but it wouldnt offend me or upset me, especially as you are not close friends!

DoYouEvenLift

jamesbondings wrote: »

personally, no i wouldnt, birthdays to me arent a huge deal.

maybe as you hadnt mentioned it to the gang J decided not to say anything as maybe she thought you didnt want a fuss made!

to not offer at least a drink is a bit sh1t but it wouldnt offend me or upset me, especially as you are not close friends!

Pretty much this. I don't personally care enough to celebrate birthdays anymore since I got it out of my system for my 18th and 21st. People even just wishing me happy birthday is appreciated but not expected, definitely wouldn't upset me. I do kind of agree that them not buying you a drink as a gesture is a sign of a tight person. Even if not for your birthday but as a gesture/toast to a new friendship, buying someone you're out with a drink is a nice thing to do.

Barely There

doireann08 wrote: »

Would you be hurt by this?

Eh no.

Because....

doireann08 wrote: »

I wouldn't classify them as close friends

and

doireann08 wrote: »

I didn't tell anyone that it was birthday

TBH, you sound like you need to get over yourself.

R.D. aka MR.D

I used to love celebrating my birthday and would have been a bit like you and got upset if people didn't recognize it.

What I've learned though, is that a lot of people don't put any importance on their own birthdays and therefore don't think that others do and can't understand why someone would be upset about something like this.

Don't take it personally.

Neyite

I find adults making a big fuss about their birthday, or expecting a big fuss at their birthday a tad cringy unless its a milestone birthday in which case you throw a proper night out with a cake and a DJ. But then, I'm someone who only remembers its my birthday when I start getting the happy birthday texts from parents and siblings. Last year it was about 4pm before I realised why the date was familiar.

You might get away with being offended and hurt if it was your partner or your family who overlooked your birthday, but if it was acquaintances, and you didn't even tell them, then let it go. For all you know they might have assumed that you didn't want your birthday or advancing age to be acknowledged by them given that you didn't tell the group.

Rubberchikken

Maybe as new friends but not close friends they didn't think they should make a fuss.

My birthday means nothing to me. Have had too many; )

A bit stingy they didn't buy you a drink but it's done now so try to let it go.
Hope you had a good birthday

Big Bag of Chips

Barely There, if you can't contribute without telling a poster to "get over yourself" then we'd prefer you didn't contribute at all.

MissFlitworth

If you're into birthdays I could see that being a bit of a stinger but you didn't tell them, they're only new friends and it sounds like they did wish you happy birthday ('barely a mention of happy birthday') they just didn't do what you would have liked them to do or, possibly, what you would have done for them had the shoe been on the other foot. If I liked them and wanted to keep their friendship I'd just suck up the hurt feelings and maybe organise to spend my birthday with people I had more of a connection with in future, older friends or family who'd be more likely to celebrate it with you.

unjedilike

Unless they were from Germany where the person whose birthday it is is supposed to buy the drinks.

HiGlo

It’s never wrong to feel what you’re feeling.
Everyone is entitled to feel how they do. No one can change that.


While it’s disappointing that they didn’t buy you a drink, it’s possibly slightly unrealistic to expect it…….. Now, I’m not saying you were sitting there, fully waiting and expecting them to buy you a drink, but somewhere in the back of your mind you decided that they should buy you a drink. Sure, it’d be a nice gesture, but you don’t know their sentiment on birthdays, their usual behavior to friends on birthday, their financial situations….
Don’t think about this one tiny situation so much. Friendship is not dependent on the things people can buy you.

skallywag

doireann08 wrote: »

The next day - Monday, the day of my birthday, again barely a mention of happy birthday

When you say 'barely a mention of Happy Birthday' is your meaning that A) it was acknowledged, though with less fanfare than you would have hoped for, or that nothing was said at all?

To be honest if you really want to see who your real friends are then take your birthday off FB and see how many people give you even A) above.

retro:electro

They wished you a happy birthday on the day, what more were you expecting? They were travelling home I'm sure they had other things on their minds. Ya they never bought you a drink the night before but so what, maybe the funds were low. Your post shows a hint of passive aggression, not telling anyone it's your bday but then expecting a bit of a fuss at the same time.. Just let it go.

sadie06

In my opinion, the only birthdays of note after childhood are 21, 30, 40, 50 etc. I think most people are of this opinion, and I would really only expect close family and friends to observe my birthday at all.

You are obviously of a different opinion, which is why you found this hurtful, but I don't think there was any intention to hurt. Most people just don't see adult's birthdays as any way important.

mirrorwall14

skallywag wrote: »

To be honest if you really want to see who your real friends are then take your birthday off FB and see how many people give you even A) above.

Taking it off facebook to see who remembers is a little unfair in this day and age. TBH I'm terrible at remembering at dates. I don't get classed as an awful friend for forgetting a date. Id apologise obviously if I missed it but that seems a bit of a crude measurement. Most people don't keep a seperate diary nowadays

skallywag

mirrorwall14 wrote: »

Taking it off facebook to see who remembers is a little unfair in this day and age. TBH I'm terrible at remembering at dates. I don't get classed as an awful friend for forgetting a date. Id apologise obviously if I missed it but that seems a bit of a crude measurement. Most people don't keep a seperate diary nowadays

I see your angle, my point was more concerning very close friends who would anyway know your birthday without having to use a diary etc. Outside of one's immediate family you will not usually find many friends who will be able to tell you what your birthday is if you asked them, or at least have a pretty decent stab off it. I can think of just two people in my own case.

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

ronjo

unjedilike wrote: »

Unless they were from Germany where the person whose birthday it is is supposed to buy the drinks.

Perhaps they were actually expecting the OP to by them a drink as it was their birthday.

doireann08

Thanks everyone for the replies - interesting to get everyones thoughts
Yeah I had a agreat holiday. Was just curious to get everyone else's perspectives on this. Mods you can close the thread

LegacyUser

It's ok to feel a little miffed. But don't get down.

I like to make a fuss on birthdays. I think they are important.

I also like a fuss to be made of mine.

I am sure they did not mean to hurt your feelings.

Stavro Mueller

Forgive me Doreann. I've got a memory like an elephant and I remember your past posts about "friends" who treated you appallingly. Looks like they're in the past now I can understand why you'd be a bit shot-shy at this stage. Not to mention hoping that it's not a case of history repeating itself. I'd not read anything one way or the other into it really. Some people make a big deal out of birthdays, other people don't. I'm pretty sure too that the mobile version of Facebook's not too good at letting you know whose birthday it is. At least the Android one is.

Big Bag of Chips

Thread closed at OP's request.