Childminding Boundaries

needsanswers

Hi there,
Have query re: my childminder who is very nice but only works every second week.
Well I came home to find she had her daughter and granddaughter over to visit.
Now I am sure they are both fine, but nothing was said to me and I don't know them.
Also I feel I must now say to not have people over incase she feels the precdent is set and its OK to have strangers (to me) over with my children.
How do I broach this without offending her ?
Thanks all
A.

Neyite

Mod:

Hi Needanswers,
I've given you your own thread so you can get advice specific to your situation.

Lisha

Hi Op did the visitors come to your house while you were at work, or to the childminders own house?

KKkitty

If she's minding your child in your own home she shouldn't be bringing her family into it. Tell her it's not acceptable and you'd rather she didn't do it again.

Moonbeam

Is she a nanny (in your house) or a childminder(in her house)?

needsanswers

Hi there,
She comes to my house once every two weeks, very nice woman so don't want to upset anyone and don't want to lose my great minder.
Many thanks for the advice

Neyite

needsanswers wrote: »

Hi there,
She comes to my house once every two weeks, very nice woman so don't want to upset anyone and don't want to lose my great minder.
Many thanks for the advice

Its not her place to have people over to your home without your prior knowledge or consent. I doubt she would like it very much in her own home. I would be very annoyed and rethinking the arrangement with her.

Lisha

'Is it worth losing a good child minder over this issue ?' is what I would be asking myself?

Is it likely to be s regular occurance ?

sweetie

nip it in the bud, now. we have a minder who our child loves, every monday and Tuesday. At a local playgroup she met a friend who minds a younger child and comes over every day. My wife gave permission once and its snowballed. They never go to the other house and some days the mess is still left around. Furthermore both of these visitors are fed by us each day. At least we have school starting next September.

Moonbeam

I would tell her that you are not comfortable with it,is there anything in your contract about visitors? If she was in a creche she could not have them there.

CrazyRabbit

"Hi xxx. You are a wonderful childminder but I would have to ask that in future, if you wish to bring other people into my home that you please seek my permission first. Whilst I trust your judgement, I believe it is only appropriate to inform me of any planned visitors to my home in advance."

needsanswers

Many thanks, All went well.
Told her the next morning she arrived that we weren't cool with strangers in our home, and she said it was just that day. I swiftly changed the subject not to dwell on it and make her feel uncomfortable, but we all know where we stand now.
Glad it went well, I'm sure she didn't mean to overstep the mark.
Many thanks for all the advice, wasn't sure if I was being unreasonable in not letting her have her family over, I'm sure they are harmless, but I was not comfortable with it.
Thanks again
A

needsanswers

Just to update on this.
She was bringing people to our house again, asked for a polite chat with her, she got really defensive saying she thought it was strange that I had a problem with it, and getting cheeky saying she would bring said person round to introduce me and then they wouldn't be strangers. I said regardless it is my home and I am the person who invites people over.
We called things a day, then I started getting vendictive messages the next evening, I ignored them, but cannot believe that they don't see its wrong to be bringing people into my house, and disregard my wishes to do so when I asked them.
No respect whatsover, and vendictive to boot.
Go with your gut instinct, if you don't feel good about it, let them go. Although if this happened again, I might just lie and say my working hours were reduced or somehting to save the showdown and horrible messages.

seventeen sheep

Sorry to hear it ended so badly.

I've been considering recently switching from creche to childminder, but it would've been a childminder in their home, rather than mine. I would find it very difficult to get to terms with someone being in my home all day when I'm not there. But for them to breach my trust by bringing others into my home, without my prior knowledge and permission, when they they have sole responsibility for my child ... nope, nope, nope! I'm sure her guests were harmless and all, but it screams disrespect to invite guests to another person's home.

December2012

Also, she's at work. It's not her free time. Nobody can bring their friends into work for a visit so I don't think things should be different simply because sges a childminder.

GaGa21

December2012 wrote:

Also, she's at work. It's not her free time. Nobody can bring their friends into work for a visit so I don't think things should be different simply because sges a childminder.

I don't agree. I have worked in non childcare jobs and had friends, family call to my workplace to visit me. It has always been ok with employers tho. Am currently working full time as a nanny for a family and with them over 5 years now. In that time I have had family over I think twice but have always checked for employers permission first. In this type of work, it tends to be long hour days where you don't have the freedom to get lunch/tea breaks where u can go meet your family or friends if needed so I think there should be some flexibility on occasion. Trust is the issue here, and if you can't trust someone in your home, you definitley shouldn't be leaving your children in their care.

CrazyRabbit

Send her a link to this thread? Go on, I dare you!

Neyite

GaGa21 wrote: »

I don't agree. I have worked in non childcare jobs and had friends, family call to my workplace to visit me. It has always been ok with employers tho. Am currently working full time as a nanny for a family and with them over 5 years now. In that time I have had family over I think twice but have always checked for employers permission first. In this type of work, it tends to be long hour days where you don't have the freedom to get lunch/tea breaks where u can go meet your family or friends if needed so I think there should be some flexibility on occasion. Trust is the issue here, and if you can't trust someone in your home, you definitley shouldn't be leaving your children in their care.

But you just said that you did get permission from your employers if your family visit. The op's child minder didn't. And continued to do it after being asked very nicely to be notified beforehand.

My view would be that while I'd trust my child-minder, how can I trust a third party they let into my home when I've never met them or know anything about them? Its not a workplace, its a home, first and foremost.

Even in a workplace, there are nearly always staff-only areas where staff are not permitted to bring guests into. I rarely meet friends or family on lunch or breaks, - that's what my evenings and weekends are for.

GaGa21

Neyite wrote:

But you just said that you did get permission from your employers if your family visit.  The op's child minder didn't. And continued to do it after being asked very nicely to be notified beforehand.

Yes, which is why I didn't disagree with the OP, just the other poster.