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Feeling silly about not moving on

  • 01-11-2014 9:21pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Just over a year ago I moved to the UK for work. I'm 23 now and it is the first job I had straight out of college.

    Anyway I met a girl over here just before last Christmas and felt like we really hit it off. Both of us were the same age and both had just moved over from Ireland basically. We ended up seeing each other for a couple of months and I did at the time feel like it was going places and I thought that she felt the same way too even though we hadn't really spoken about it.

    Then suddenly (or at least it felt that way to me) she broke it off. She explained in the text that at that particular time she was going through a really tough period at work and that she just needed some space and could we still be friends? Up until then everything seemed normal with her and she still came across as being keen so this was from my point of view completely out of the blue.

    At the time I agreed to give her her space but I guess I thought that that wouldn't be the complete end and that once her work issues were dealt with we would get back together. But it didn't pan out that way. After a couple of weeks I texted her to see how she was doing. She said that she would like to see me again but that she was still really busy at work and that she wouldn't be able to see me for a month. This really confused me and felt like mixed messages.

    Anyway the month came round and she started to ignore my messages. Look I know I should have taken the hint and just moved on but I wasn't able to. I tried messaging her a number of times since then (not that often just every few weeks or so) to see how she was and sometimes she would reply and then stop after a while or just not reply at all.

    Anyway after a while I stopped, I knew that I should stop and that it wasn't going to get me anywhere despite the fact I still liked her. So when my birthday came around she texted me happy birthday and I was happy with that. Her birthday came round a couple of days later and I returned the favour and that was that.

    Then recently after I thought she was well and truly out of my mind she texted me to see how I was doing. And it stirred the whole thing back up for me and I know now for certain that I'm not over her.

    Ok so now I'm feeling really silly about the whole thing. I've basically been pining for her for longer than the time we were together and I feel stupid and angry. This was the closest I've been to a real relationship and I was really excited about that. I keep thinking back to what I should have done (I.e. been there for her when she had the work issues instead of rolling over).

    I feel like I can't talk to my friends about it either because the whole thing even to me sounds so silly. I'd worry that they'd just tell me to man up or that I'd come across as pathetic. I feel kind of silly posting here too because there are other people with more serious issues than me

    Any advice would be much appreciated thanks! Sorry for the long post


Comments

  • #2
    ABajaninCork
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,411 ✭✭✭ABajaninCork


    Sounds as though Girlfriend has found someone else and is keeping you on a bit of string. She's a head-wreck as you say here. Not nice. And karma has a nasty way of catching up with people like her.

    But TBH dude? YOU should have taken the hint! She didn't want to see you for a month? She was with someone new and wanted to see if it worked out before cutting you loose.

    If I were you, I'd be blocking her number and deleting her from FB. Move on. Plenty of nice English girls who'd just LOVE an Irish boyfriend. It's the accent you see ;). I should know - I married one!! :D

    Good luck!


  • #3
    Matteroffact
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 457 ✭✭Matteroffact


    First Cut Is the Deepest - as the saying goes and this means that your first rebuff is the hardest to get over. You were excited about this relationship because it boosted your confidence and you were away from home and it gave you a lot of comfort to be seeing this girl. So then she breaks it off and now you are at a loose end. You start to doubt yourself and this is the hardest part of a rebuff to get over. You start to question whether you are a nice fellow or not and plague yourself wondering why she broke it off and how you might have done things better. It is all a terrible blow to the ego. So this is what you are going through and then when she realizes that you have not been in touch for a while she starts to wonder if she still has this hold on you and she wants a ego boost so she contacts you. I feel sorry for you that you are still stuck on her, but please do not base your worthiness on what she thinks about you. You are worth a lot more. Don't bother with her any more and soon you will be in a new relationship with someone more worthy of you. This relationship was not meant to be, so don't waste any more time wondering what might have been. You don't need her in your life, you can move on and find someone new. We all go though this heartache before we meet the right one for us. So that's all that is happening right now to you and when you meet the right one you will wonder what you ever saw in this girl.


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