Lonely & Discontent

LegacyUser

Hi,

Going unregistered for this. Don't really know where to start with this so here goes:
Im 27 and recently have started to feel desperately discontent and lonely. Up until the last couple of years it never bothered me for any length of time but recently it has started to bother me constantly. I amn't in a relationship and I am in a job where I am literally just getting through every day just so I can pay the bills. I work hard at the job but I don't like it and its just a case of grinding down each day for the sake of it and at 27 its not how I want to live the rest of my life. When I started work initially I was enthusiastic and would stay late at night to get things done but in the last few months I have started to dislike it more and more.

The job really is the least of my worries though, I try to forget it once I leave every evening and generally I can do that but really its the fact that I have no-one I can talk things through with is really getting me down.

I have made some bad decisions in the last few years that have contributed to my present situation but as more of the people I was friendly with move away or get into serious relationships or got busy with work/family there is no-one I can really turn to and I just feel very isolated. I have a number of acquaintances but no-one I'd be really confident talking a lot of things out with.

Also, while I enjoy meeting up with people I was in school, college, at work with, I end up going away totally down as I hear how well things are going for them. I know sometimes all is not as it seems but in general the people I know aren't bull****ters or gloaters and would be honest enough. Its not that I amn't happy for them, I love seeing them happy in themselves and making progress but after initially being happy a couple of hours later I start to feel very down in myself. I know its a selfish reaction but I think its human to be comparing yourself to people your own age and where they are at.

I know there are some friendships I haven't worked hard enough on but I'm a naturally shy person and when considering would I ring or text someone I'd move away from it as I wouldn't want to be annoying them.

I had some bad experiences going back to the time I was in school and it makes me thread carefully in social situations. I would love to meet someone or even just have a few more mates I could meet up with on a more regular basis. At the weekends I get really down when I see people ready to head off out for the night or heading off for a weekend somewhere while I head home and pass the evening doing nothing of note. Its not that I'm mad to head out for the night, I'd be happy just sitting having a chat for a couple of hours but I've no-one I can really call and I don't want to go out on a night by myself.

I try to get out and do things, I have done some courses to see if there is another career path I could take, I go to a lot of sports events, cinema etc. but in the last few months there are many nights where I spend the whole night going over and over things in my head and it leaves me extremely frustrated.

One of the questions which is often asked of people is where do you see yourself in 5/10 years. The answer is I don't know as I can't see past this rut I am stuck in. You need to have something that motivates you to keep going and I find that there is less and less to motivate me with each passing week.

I know this thread isn't very significant compared to others, my health is ok and I have enough money coming in to pay the bills at the moment, both of which I am grateful for but this is getting me down so much I need to unload it somewhere.

Thanks for reading.

Matteroffact

So it is just your social life that you feel is lacking. You could look up meetup.com where you will find numerous groups you could join and you need never be without something to do at weekends ever again. I hope this works for you.

Rubberchikken

it's not a major problem but it's a problem to you and so it's important.
it's impacting on your life and you're right to want to deal with it.

we all compare ourselves to others, hold up our life and see how it rates next to friends from school/college/work. that's a human thing and probably not something that'll ever stop.
to make it less painful you have to become happy in your life, and to change your life you'll have to take risks.

if you have the opportunity to ring or txt someone, take the risk. what do you have to lose?

good luck

JuliusCaesar

Discontent wrote: »

I'm a naturally shy person and when considering would I ring or text someone I'd move away from it as I wouldn't want to be annoying them.

Rubberchikken wrote: »

to change your life you'll have to take risks.

if you have the opportunity to ring or txt someone, take the risk. what do you have to lose?

This is the crux of it. Yes, there's the risk that they don't want to meet up, but what's more likely? They might want to meet up, but need notice or can't for a couple of weeks - sometimes it is exactly what people say.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained - and if you keep making negative predictions and then not making the phone call, you'll never find out whether you were just being pessimistic. Maybe you left it up to other people to ring you all the time, and they thought you weren't interested and stopped calling?

MeetUp is good too, get to know people you have no history with. Sometimes it's easier to start afresh. Plus you'll have some stories to tell your existing friends about, which is always good.

Do you find it difficult to move on to getting to know people on a deeper level - moving from acquaintenceship to friendship?