Counselling not going to work

LegacyUser

I don't think the counselling service is going to work out for me. I know myself too well to fall for ay of the techniques used and everything is buried too deep for the to be effective. I need to get this sorted but I cannot talk. Not if I'm left to my own devices. I need someone stricter, someone who isn't going to let panic attacks, crying or vomiting stop me from talking. I mean, I can tell the counsellor everything. However, I am very good at using every avoidance technique in the book, therefore I can emotionally detach myself and talk about things as though I am commenting on the weather. Then, the counsellor just becomes someone else who knows, I don't get any better because of the detachment and the counsellor thinks I'm better because we would have a lengthly discussion on my past. I need someone who can see through that rubbish and force me to talk. I can't do it on my own. Counselling is only good for those willing to talk, not those who spent their whole lives bottling and therefore become experts at avoiding talking. Everything in my being stops me from opening up with an emotional connection to what I'm saying and a soft "you can talk when you're ready" is not going to solve that.
I've been going for two months now and have gotten no where. I spent so long studying myself that I seem to have a better understanding of my emotion state and what I need than the counsellor and it's frustrating that I physically cannot get the words out of my mouth to explain that this is what I need, never mind anything else. She knows exactly what I do on a weekly basis but nothing of my past. I'm completely broke so I don't know if I can afford anything other than the free service my college provides, nor do I know if there's a type of therapy which would suit me. I'm nearly at the point where I'm just going to resign myself to the fact that my past won't be dealt with and whatever issues that's going to cause, I'm just going to have to put up with them, even if I lose everyone from my life.

LegacyUser

NotWorking wrote: »

I don't think the counselling service is going to work out for me. I know myself too well to fall for ay of the techniques used and everything is buried too deep for the to be effective. I need to get this sorted but I cannot talk. Not if I'm left to my own devices. I need someone stricter, someone who isn't going to let panic attacks, crying or vomiting stop me from talking. I mean, I can tell the counsellor everything. However, I am very good at using every avoidance technique in the book, therefore I can emotionally detach myself and talk about things as though I am commenting on the weather. Then, the counsellor just becomes someone else who knows, I don't get any better because of the detachment and the counsellor thinks I'm better because we would have a lengthly discussion on my past. I need someone who can see through that rubbish and force me to talk. I can't do it on my own. Counselling is only good for those willing to talk, not those who spent their whole lives bottling and therefore become experts at avoiding talking. Everything in my being stops me from opening up with an emotional connection to what I'm saying and a soft "you can talk when you're ready" is not going to solve that.
I've been going for two months now and have gotten no where. I spent so long studying myself that I seem to have a better understanding of my emotion state and what I need than the counsellor and it's frustrating that I physically cannot get the words out of my mouth to explain that this is what I need, never mind anything else. She knows exactly what I do on a weekly basis but nothing of my past. I'm completely broke so I don't know if I can afford anything other than the free service my college provides, nor do I know if there's a type of therapy which would suit me. I'm nearly at the point where I'm just going to resign myself to the fact that my past won't be dealt with and whatever issues that's going to cause, I'm just going to have to put up with them, even if I lose everyone from my life.

Hi there, I felt like I had to respond because I went through something very similar over a year ago.

I went through a terrible break up and started seeing a counsellor, and like you, it turned into a general chat about daily activities as opposed to getting into the deep stuff which was buried inside me.

Continuing to see this guy for 8 months, I got a recommendation to see a psychotherapist who was based over 80 miles from where I lived. To make a long story short, I said to myself I would try and boy did I not regret it. This man helped me in so many ways, and got to the root cause of all my problems, and offered solutions which have worked.

His style of counselling was exactly what was needed, no bull, he could read between the lines.

I would recommend that u consider the option of trying a different counsellor, if your finances allow for it. It seems that u need some kind of guidance or direction on how to proceed and I believe u wont get this until u get everything out in the open.

Best of luck.

Colser

I can totally relate to this OP...I went twice but I knew it couldnt work because I bottle everything up also and was never going to give the whole story(not even 50% if Im honest) so I suppose we cant blame the counsellor.

I cant advise you as to where to get help but I know exactly how you feel.I thinks its because we know that no one can change (or make us forget) what happened so there is very little can be achieved as such.
I will follow this also in the hope that someone can recommend a service that may be of benefit and I hope you find some way of moving on with your life also.

IlmoNT4

Find a different therapist, if a Councillor isn't suiting you then try a physiologist ...when you go print out your post and let that person read what you are thinking, I would say that your focus in therapy should be on why you cant speak for now rather than whats buried inside.

Rubberchikken

agree with the other posters. you may need a different type of counselling technique.

plus, to be fair to yourself, you'll have to engage and i guess you know this if you really want to see improvement.

LegacyUser

Hi OP
I could have written your post 6 months ago. I'm on my 5th counsellor/psychotherapist and I despaired of ever finding anyone that could help me. I only agreed to go to the 5th because I couldn't bear the thought of a loved one having to find me at the end of a rope.

I had talked lots to the other counsellors but told them nothing. The 5th one way heading the same route til I realised I was trying to make her like me. I'm such a people pleaser and this came through in all my previous sessions. I've had bad stuff happen to me and I have done bad stuff myself but I was afraid of being judged and I wouldn't talk about any of it. So I decided to be HONEST with her.

Counsellors are not mind-readers and can only work with what you give them. You obviously realise you need help, you could start by writing out the reasons you feel you need therapy. I agree with the previous poster who suggested printing out your post, it could be somewhere to start from. Counsellors are usually trained in different techniques and just saying that you're having difficulties with the current technique will at least let her know what is going on and she may be able to change her approach.

You say you've thought through your situation, write out your conclusions, even if it's just an odd word or sentence, the key thing is just to start. I know myself once I started writing out stuff I could end up with pages of stuff. Admittedly some of it was pure rubbish but I wasn't afraid to show my counsellor and we weeded out the unimportant parts.

Long story short, she is there to HELP YOU, she won't judge you but you have to be honest with her.

Keep trying and best of luck

Semele

Counsellors usually provide supportive talking therapy, which may not be challenging enough for you. I would advise a clinical or counselling psychologist, or a psychotherapist with in depth training in a particular model.

If a therapist isn't able to recognise and address what's going on then it entirely depends on you. A therapist with more specialised and lengthy training will usually be better at appropriately challenging you so that the therapy is useful. Have a look at the Psychology forum on here, which has a stickied thread about finding a therapist.

There are many different types of therapy and there are differences in the level of training and qualification different job titles (counsellor, psychotherapist, psychologist etc) require. It sounds like you need someone with more experience and more skills to help you get past this block.