Anxiety becoming a problem

bleach94

Hey there,

I'm in second year in college and I've found I have these constant niggling feelings of anxiety which come and go. They range from just wanting to ignore everyone to wondering what the hell I was worrying about. A few things:
I live at home, about 20 minutes from college, which means I find it a bit harder to mingle with others. I have several interests like music, reading, art but find it hard to network enough with new people all the time, therefore I don't find as many people with similar interests to me as I would like. I find I am often on the peripheral of groups in college as I am naturally quiet, which is something that I am becoming increasingly frustrated with. Additionally, I have recently started going out with a girl in my course, about 3 months ago. It is my first proper relationship and therefore I am nervous, particularly as I have a (probably pointless) worry that she will eventually get bored of my quiet nature.
I don't have enough close friends where I live that I feel would be able to offer me advice. My mum and dad spend a lot of time dealing with my sister, who suffers from general anxiety disorder, so I don't feel I could burden them with my problems.

I feel like I have lots to say but at times I feel crippled by anxiety when talking to people I'm less comfortable with or who I don't know as well. It gets me down more and more and I feel could become a problem.

Is there any advice you can give on how to relax more when talking to people? This whole not talking thing is making me terribly insecure as I believe people will think I'm uninteresting and have nothing to say. Which I do.
Also, how do I relax into my new relationship? Is telling her about my nervousness advisable? And should I talk to someone professionally about my anxiety?

rawn

bleach94 wrote: »

Hey there,

I'm in second year in college and I've found I have these constant niggling feelings of anxiety which come and go. They range from just wanting to ignore everyone to wondering what the hell I was worrying about. A few things:
I live at home, about 20 minutes from college, which means I find it a bit harder to mingle with others. I have several interests like music, reading, art but find it hard to network enough with new people all the time, therefore I don't find as many people with similar interests to me as I would like. I find I am often on the peripheral of groups in college as I am naturally quiet, which is something that I am becoming increasingly frustrated with. Additionally, I have recently started going out with a girl in my course, about 3 months ago. It is my first proper relationship and therefore I am nervous, particularly as I have a (probably pointless) worry that she will eventually get bored of my quiet nature.
I don't have enough close friends where I live that I feel would be able to offer me advice. My mum and dad spend a lot of time dealing with my sister, who suffers from general anxiety disorder, so I don't feel I could burden them with my problems.

I feel like I have lots to say but at times I feel crippled by anxiety when talking to people I'm less comfortable with or who I don't know as well. It gets me down more and more and I feel could become a problem.

Is there any advice you can give on how to relax more when talking to people? This whole not talking thing is making me terribly insecure as I believe people will think I'm uninteresting and have nothing to say. Which I do.
Also, how do I relax into my new relationship? Is telling her about my nervousness advisable? And should I talk to someone professionally about my anxiety?

It feels like I could have written this.
Unfortunately I can't advise much on the mingling thing, as that's something I still struggle with. But I can advise on your new relationship.

Every new relationship brings anxiety, so please don't feel like it's your anxious nature that is causing it. It's extremely common. She is with you for a reason, some people happen to like people that don't jabber constantly with smalltalk, and who weigh up their words before they speak. Don't feel like you need to express yourself for the sake of it, when you're with her, take a deep breath, relax, and if you have something to say, say it. If not, don't, just enjoy the quiet peacefulness. So much of communication is non verbal, it's about eye contact, gestures, and your whole general demeanor. So relaxing and being yourself instead of trying to portray yourself as a confident outgoing person will do you wonders.

I know a lot of people will probably advise you to talk to your parents but I feel you would have done this before if you thought it would help. Speak to your college chaplain or counselor, they deal with this very often. I'm very lucky that my college has gotten me a place on a CBT course that will help me get over my social anxiety, which I start next semester :-)

Best of luck