Mother told my GF that I wasn't good enough for her

LegacyUser

This happened about 2 years ago.

We were out one night at a neighbour's birthday party and at about 2am after the party, we went to a chipper restaurant to get some food (we were a bit drunk). I know how much of an act my mother puts on when she's drunk so I didn't give her any attention - she was hyper, loud, flirting with men and just generally acting like a really clumsy cougar.

She had my girlfriend of 3 years next to her in the queue while I was looking for a table, but I could tell that the mother wasn't happy with my disapproval of her behaviour. (my girlfriend is timid so she felt like she *had* to stay with her in the queue)

On the way out as we were to go home, my mam stopped to flirt/sing with some buskers and dragged my GF along. I knew that she didn't want to be there so I walked a few steps ahead and called them to follow me to the taxi rank.


After a bit, my girlfriend left her and followed me. She told me that my mother said that I was such a bore, and that she should break up with me because I was "holding her back", that I wasn't good enough for her and that she should find someone more fun.

That was about 2 years ago and I still resent her for saying so. It wasn't a drunken thing, I can tell she always thinks this because of the way she acts when my GF is with us. Me and the GF are still together, going strong over 5 years right now.

Am I wrong to feel resentment?

ABajaninCork

Yes. Your mother was pissed when she made the remark, so I wouldn't take any notice. It was hurtful and nasty, but I doubt she would even remember what happened.

You and your girl are still together, and presumably still happy, so I'd leave it at that.

Oryx

cavannavanmeath wrote: »

Me and the GF are still together, going strong over 5 years right now.

This is the only thing you need to hold onto. You're doing fine. Who knows why your mother said what she did? Who knows why she behaves like she does? Those are her issues. If you allow yourself to carry resentment towards her, the only person it is going to affect is you. You can choose to shrug off her remarks for the nonsense they are, but tbh, it may take practise at first. If you find yourself dwelling on it, make yourself think of something else.

Neyite

You were annoyed with your mothers drunken behaviour, she retaliated by saying something mean and hurtful and because she knows you so well, she knows where to get you where it hurts - your insecurities that your girlfriend might perhaps move on. Horrible behaviour but she is what she is.

You are still in a solid relationship with your girlfriend so that alone proves your mother wrong in the nicest possible way. The only opinion that matters is your girlfriends one.

Shrap

That was really crappy for you to hear OP, but your mum is clearly a bit of a sloppy drunk (love the description "clumsy cougar" btw, I'll use that!) and probably doesn't remember saying that to you, or would rather not remember. It's amazing how cruel and cutting someone who is being disapproved of for their messy drunkeness can be towards their nearest and dearest.

My best friend's Dad and step Mum are similar to that, in that if she (or her sisters) ever show any disapproval of them being messy when they're drunk they're accused of not being the kind of daughters he'd expected they would be, boring, etc. As I recall, he once said "You're a pure nag, sure who'd want ya?" when she attempted to stop him from driving home steaming drunk. At this stage, too much has been said to her now, and she READ them for it while they were stone cold sober. They're still apologising. Hurtful things can stay hurting OP. Glad you have a good thing going on with your girl friend.

freshpopcorn

If it happened more recently I would understand you being upset/annoyed with her but at the end of the day she was drunk. The loud drunk(of any age) would often say the person trying to stop them having fun/drag them to a taxi was a bore. I also think that it's not good to resent somebody for so long.
Congrads on your relationship.

Rubberchikken

Is your mom still like that today, getting drunk and making a show of herself?
Maybe that's what's bothering you?

2years ago is a long time to be upset by something someone said.

Try and let it go and get on with your life.