There's this girl in work ......

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this. Also before I start I would just like to make it clear that if any words or phrases I use cause offence, it is unintentional as my problem relates directly to a person with a physical disability.

A new girl started in work about 6 weeks ago and in that time she and I have had a few good chats over coffee etc and she is really sound, very attractive and just my type. A little younger than me admittedly (she's early 20's, I'm mid 30's) but it's fair to say we have hit it off. Only thing is though, she is in a wheelchair. AFAIK she is not paralysed as I have seen her move both of her legs. I think she just can't walk as her legs look slightly smaller proportionally to the rest of her body. Don't know if anyone remembers the girl in the wheelchair from the TV show 'The Office' (UK version) but I think she is like that.

I would really love to ask her out and I'm generally not a bit shy when it comes to things like that. My philosophy is, nothing ventured, nothing gained but I have never had any close dealings with a disabled person up to now so I'm terrified of saying the wrong thing to her or doing something that would offend her if we went out. And to be fair I would have a reputation among close friends for putting my foot in my mouth from time to time.

I would hate to bring her somewhere and find out it wasn't suitable for a wheelchair user and end up leaving her feeling embarrassed. Is it acceptable to push a wheelchair user up a ramp or should you let them work away themselves?? Is there certain words you shouldn't call a person in a wheelchair?? All these questions and concerns running through my head and it's really stopping me from taking the next step.

Opinions greatly appreciated, especially from anyone with experience of something like this.

Tokyo

Hi OP,

I've been in this situation, and at the luckier end of the spectrum in this case - I spent six months as a teenager in a wheelchair and another six on crutches, and was on the receiving end of every sort of question imaginable, to people talking LOUD and SLOOOOOOOOW to me so I could understand them (apparently my mental faculties/hearing must have been deficient too). As long as you're not doing something along these lines, you'll be doing okay.

If you put your foot in it, so be it, and it'll be nothing that she hasn't heard before, and if it's a genuine mistake she'll probably laugh it off. And using phrases such as 'lets go for a walk' is not putting your foot in it - such expressions are figurative, not literal. The best advice I can give you is that as long as you treat her as 'the girl you are taking on a date" and not "the girl in the wheelchair", you can't go far wrong. If you're going to a pub or restaurant for a date, then by law they have to be wheelchair accessible - or you could just ask her where she would like to go. Regarding ramps and such - offer to help where appropriate, if she accepts or not, so be it.

Laois6556

I'm sorry OP but your post reminded me of an episode of Curb your Enthusiasm with Wendy wheelchair and Denise Handicapped.

<snipped youtube video>

I'm sure she knows it can be difficult to get used to the different things involved with being in a wheelchair, if you do slip up just try to laugh it off as I'm sure she will too. It will be less likely that you will say something silly if you are relaxed about it. Easier said than done but try to be yourself and see how it goes.

Buona Fortuna

Good advice above OP - just be yourself.

I have a disabled relative and providing you avoid the LOUD and SLOW and talk to her rather than at her or about her you'll be grand I'm sure.

Ask her out, be honest.

Of course there's no guarantee she'll accept

I wish you well OP.

Rubberchikken

I work in a centre that deal specifically with people with physical and sensory disabilities.

On the whole, they are great people. They need exactly the same as everyone else. To be treated properly.

You like this girl (woman). Ask her out as you would any other.
Ask her if she needs help if you're unsure.
She might have a favourite restaurant/pub. Again, ask.

Good luck

0byme75341jo28

mike_ie wrote: »

The best advice I can give you is that as long as you treat her as 'the girl you are taking on a date" and not "the girl in the wheelchair", you can't go far wrong.

Was just about to post this basically, great advice.

Also, I don't think you need to be so paranoid about inadvertently being offensive towards her, just because she's disabled doesn't necessarily mean she's going to be offended by you making a tiny mistake in your use of language or anything. The vast majority of disabled people would understand that you meant no harm and wouldn't take it personally if for example, like Mike said, you said "lets go for a walk".

I'm glad to see you aren't letting her disability get in the way either OP, a lot of people wouldn't feel comfortable going on a date with someone in a wheelchair. You seem like a good guy.