Gran died.

SkyBlueClouds

Hello,

Today I feel rather crappy and having a safe space to open up and receive advice would be greatly appreciated

My gran passed on 10 months ago today. We were very close. She lived down the country and I used to go down there as a child to visit and stay with her. Always got spoiled rotten, had some great conversations and generally felt really loved and appreciated by her. She was one of the people I could just open up to without any hesitation or judgement whatsoever, someone who would just take me as I am.

It took a moment today when I came across a photo of myself and her for that grief to come flooding back. It feels as raw now as that moment I first found out. What compounds it even more for me is that I had started a new job in the UK at this time, and couldn't come home for the funeral - I kept thinking what if.

I'm also angry at the way her life degraded so rapidly t'words the end. Dementia is a horrible, horrible desiese and it stripped her of her dignity and everything she loved - her sense of humor, memories, everything. I'm welling up as I type this just thinking about it. It sucks and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I fear for my old age too, if I ever get into such a state.

Any advice or comforting words appreciated. The crappy weather today only compounds my pathetic fallacy

bee06

OP, my grandad died 5 years ago next month and I still get quite upset when I think about him. It's a natural reaction and it means that they were important people in our lives. Even though I wish he was still here I feel very lucky that I got 27 years to spend with him.

Rubberchikken

Grieve for your grandmother. She sounds like a woman worth missing.

Grief sneaks up on a person, and in that time feel sad if you want. Remember all the good times.
It does get easier.
Take care

littleteapot

My Nana died of very aggressive cancer almost 11 years ago and I still grieve for her. I was very close to her, probably because she only had sons and I was her first grand-daughter, and the only grand-daughter for 10 more years. She did her best to make sure I was intelligent and articulate and it seems to have worked.
It has gotten easier over the years but I don't think I'll ever completely get over her loss. I guess sometimes we just have to take a few minutes to remember and grieve for those marvellous people who meant so much to us.

Midnight Sundance

My gran died not a year ago either and I still cry about it. Not everyday anymore but usually when I don't expect it.
I find talking about her helps and keeps the memories alive. I guess I just wanted to share that you're not alone and it's ok to feel upset.

Lalealynn

Condolences.

It's odd what triggers things for us all.

Take care OP.

Buona Fortuna

OP I still get upset over friends and relatives who have died.

Being older than most on here, there's sadly quite a few of them

I was doing a bit of carpentry today and there was nothing my Dad liked doing more - must have got a bit of sawdust in my eye

Be kind to yourself OP

SkyBlueClouds

Many thanks for all those who took the time out to respond. Grief is a strange expereicne. It creeps up on you when you least expected. I can only hope my gran is in a better place now, hopefully looking down with a laugh and a smile!

New Home

I know exactly how you feel. My own Granny -the most gentle, sweet, kind, caring, generous, thoughtful, incredibly smart, funny person I've ever had the luck to meet- died in 2004 aged 94. We were unbelievably close, in fact I was closer to her than I've ever been to my own mother, and when she passed away I was absolutely distraught. It took me a long, long time to get over it somewhat, but I clearly remember one thing that happened a few years later, perhaps 3 or 4. I was in Debenhams in the Jervis Centre, and I went to get coffee. I sat down at a corner table out of the way, and I took one small sip. The world stopped. It tasted exactly like the coffee my Granny used to make, everything came flooding back, and I just started crying and crying; bawling my eyes out, actually. So on top of the sadness there was a thick layer of embarrassment, as I was crying in public for no apparent reason.... It took me ages to sort myself out enough to walk out of the restaurant without crying...

All this is just to say that sometimes it's the smallest thing that will catch you off guard... Now, when things like that happen, I like to think that she was the one who made me that cup of coffee and she wanted to share it with me.

Sending you -and, hope that's alright, your Granny- a big hug -which can always be kept aside for when you need it the most.