Does your girlfriend/boyfriend know how much money you have?

Daveysil15

Herself was telling me the other day how much she has saved. She was kind of hinting that I reciprocate. It's always one of those things I kept private. It's not a discussion I was expecting to have this early in the relationship.

Does your partner know how much money you have and if so, at what stage in the relationship was this information divulged?

mackeire

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Herself was telling me the other day how much she has saved. She was kind of hinting that I reciprocate. It's always one of those things I kept private. It's not a discussion I was expecting to have this early in the relationship.

Does your partner know how much money you have and if so, at what stage in the relationship was this information divulged?

How much did she have?

The Moldy Gowl

What did ye eat?

Penny Tration

He has a vague idea, because he knows my working hours and rate of pay.

Tilly

I'm broke. I'm pretty sure he knows this.

keith16

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Herself was telling me the other day how much she has saved. She was kind of hinting that I reciprocate. It's always one of those things I kept private. It's not a discussion I was expecting to have this early in the relationship.

Does your partner know how much money you have and if so, at what stage in the relationship was this information divulged?

What's the big deal? What's she going to do? Hack into your account?

castletownman

Oh she knows alright. She's currently sunning herself on my private yacht admonishing my live-in chef for not having her oysters as succelent as she likes them.

The gold digger

Daveysil15

green_screen wrote: »

He has a vague idea, because he knows my working hours and rate of pay.

That doesn't really have much of an affect on savings though. I know a few people on minimum wage but they have a lot of savings because they're as tight as a nuns knickers.

Daveysil15

keith16 wrote: »

What's the big deal? What's she going to do? Hack into your account?

no but she could be a gold digger, you'd never know.

indigo twist

I know his salary, he knows mine.

I've no idea how much is in his bank account, he has no idea how much is in mine, we both usually have an idea of how much is in our joint account which covers rent, bills, creche, groceries, etc.

If he ever needed money and I had money, I'd never leave him stuck, and I'd hope it would be the same with roles reversed. But I've never really felt the need to know any more about his personal finances outside of the bare essentials.

EuropeanSon

Daveysil15 wrote: »

no but she could be a gold digger, you'd never know.

If you have enough money that you're attracting gold diggers, then she probably wouldn't need to ask.

You sound paranoid, and very untrusting. You probably should want to have a look at that.

Daveysil15

EuropeanSon wrote: »

If you have enough money that you're attracting gold diggers, then she probably wouldn't need to ask.

You sound paranoid, and very untrusting. You probably should want to have a look at that.

That was meant as tongue in cheek. I'm not paranoid, just curious.

Until recently I was a student with part time jobs, so I wouldn't really have needed to spell out to anyone that I wasn't a billionaire. I've never asked anyone I was seeing about their finances, though some might have mentioned things in conversation so I could probably surmise ballparks. It didn't really have anything to do with me as I wasn't living with them.

So no, I don't ask and would be taken aback if I was asked unless we were very close and committed. I wouldn't be keen to discuss it.

Tar.Aldarion

Wouldn't have any issue telling them, probably wouldn't come up without a reason and a while into a relationship anyway.

Bosley1421

My partner does know, and we have shared money and bank info since about the one year mark.
Maybe a bit earlier actually.

Together 8 years, married 4. It's absolutely essential to be honest about money in a relationship in my opinion.
I don't mean scrutinise the other's accounts by any means, but a general idea.
It all comes out in the mortgage application!

SEPT 23 1989

Every penny i have is sunk into the bottomless pit that is the "family"

truedoom

She knows how much i have, and i know how much she has.

we share money when we're stuck. It's only money sure

Raminahobbin

Apart from me moaning about being broke sometimes, no he doesn't. And I don't have an inkling about how much he has, other than that he has more than me.

I'd be really uncomfortable having the nitty gritty money talk at this stage, and I don't think it'd be something we should even remotely broach unless we were moving in together (to see how much rent we could afford). I probably wouldn't expect to know the full ins and outs of savings etc unless we were living together a fair while and things were pretty serious.

Once I know someone can manage their own finances I'm happy, I don't care how much they earn and I'm happy to keep my nose out of their business.

My last LTR, I knew every cent he had, because he was on the dole long term and abysmal at managing his cash flow. I'd take more money off him for rent than was necessary, and put it into a secret savings account he had forgotten about so he'd have SOME cash for a rainy day (which didn't last long at all, when he found out about his secret stash). So, in that sense, I knew more about his money than he did... not touching a dynamic like that ever again!!

COYVB

Since she's still in college and not contributing financially, my wife doesn't know how much money I have beyond "we're alright" and "need to take it easy this month on the spending". She's never asked beyond that. She knows we're fine most of the time, but she'd probably kill me if she knew how much crap I bought for myself

Ye, none

Czarcasm

My wife knows I have no money... because she has it all :pac:


Ah no, my wife manages the finances, I don't want to know and don't particularly care how much money we have as long as I can head out in the morning with €20 in my arse pocket for a pack of smokes, newspaper, and a takeaway coffee.

Got caught rightly this afternoon when I thought I'd €10 in my back pocket and headed into a shop for a pack of smokes, went to pay for them and when I pulled out the note, 'twas a €5 note, not €10! I looked at the shop assistant -

"Well, this is awkward"...

*toddles off out of the shop like nothing just happened* :pac:

stateofflux

wtf is a partner?

seamus

I find the Irish coyness about income very funny and bizarre. How much we earn and how much we have is money we guard like our life depended on it. Many Irish people would rather admit how often they masturbate than how much money they have.

Perhaps it's some old cultural thing where if nobody knows how much you earn, then the taxman doesn't know how much you owe him. And perhaps a little bit of Irish begrudgery in there too - Irish people are taught culturally to be humble, even ashamed, if you're doing well for yourself.

Now, I'm not saying we should be American, where they'll tell you what they earn, how much their mortgage is, what they're saving towards and how many spots they have on their arse, but at the same time I don't see any need to be exceptionally secretive about simple figures or offended if someone asks.

Especially so if you're in a relationship. If it's in any way serious, a couple of months like, why would not willingly tell them how much you earn?

Fratton Fred

I keep several photos of my family in my wallet. Not because I'm particularly devoted to them, it's a reminder why there's no money in there any more.

TheBeardedLady

seamus wrote: »

I find the Irish coyness about income very funny and bizarre. How much we earn and how much we have is money we guard like our life depended on it. Many Irish people would rather admit how often they masturbate than how much money they have.

Perhaps it's some old cultural thing where if nobody knows how much you earn, then the taxman doesn't know how much you owe him. And perhaps a little bit of Irish begrudgery in there too - Irish people are taught culturally to be humble, even ashamed, if you're doing well for yourself.

Now, I'm not saying we should be American, where they'll tell you what they earn, how much their mortgage is, what they're saving towards and how many spots they have on their arse, but at the same time I don't see any need to be exceptionally secretive about simple figures or offended if someone asks.

Especially so if you're in a relationship. If it's in any way serious, a couple of months like, why would not willingly tell them how much you earn?

Are we worse than any other European country?

Daveysil15

seamus wrote: »

I find the Irish coyness about income very funny and bizarre. How much we earn and how much we have is money we guard like our life depended on it. Many Irish people would rather admit how often they masturbate than how much money they have.

Perhaps it's some old cultural thing where if nobody knows how much you earn, then the taxman doesn't know how much you owe him. And perhaps a little bit of Irish begrudgery in there too - Irish people are taught culturally to be humble, even ashamed, if you're doing well for yourself.

Now, I'm not saying we should be American, where they'll tell you what they earn, how much their mortgage is, what they're saving towards and how many spots they have on their arse, but at the same time I don't see any need to be exceptionally secretive about simple figures or offended if someone asks.

Especially so if you're in a relationship. If it's in any way serious, a couple of months like, why would not willingly tell them how much you earn?

She knows how much I earn, just not how much I have. If we were with each other a long time or maybe moving in together I'd consider telling her then. We're a good bit off that though.

conorh91

seamus wrote: »

I find the Irish coyness about income very funny and bizarre.

I find the need to make a big deal about an unimportant cultural trait (which isn't unique to Ireland) funny and bizarre.

Aongus Von Bismarck

My partner has a good idea of what I make in terms of base salary. I tend to invest my money fairly aggressively on the financial markets markets so it can fluctuate depending on the position I've taken. She wouldn't really know much about the financial markets, but would trust my opinion.

Czarcasm

seamus wrote: »

I find the Irish coyness about income very funny and bizarre. How much we earn and how much we have is money we guard like our life depended on it.

Some people though (and I wouldn't think this is peculiar to Ireland in fairness, I've met many people from other countries and cultures that would put my mother to shame for their thriftiness, and that's really saying something!) just feel that discussions regarding personal finances are crass and unnecessary. I myself personally hate the 'poor mouth' types that will tell you everything they owe, and nothing of what they blow.


(there's a segue... )

Many Irish people would rather admit how often they masturbate than how much money they have.

I know the type, again, not peculiarly Irish, but IMO, nobody needs to know that much about anyone either. One would hope that they must surely have something more interesting to say about themselves, but the fact they think one might be interested in their sexual proclivities says a lot more about what they think of you than it says about them.

Perhaps it's some old cultural thing where if nobody knows how much you earn, then the taxman doesn't know how much you owe him. And perhaps a little bit of Irish begrudgery in there too - Irish people are taught culturally to be humble, even ashamed, if you're doing well for yourself.

You must have been in another country Seamus when the boom happened here. People couldn't wait to tell you how much debt they'd got themselves into for their second or even third 'investment property' with the SUV parked in the garage and the MPV in the driveway, etc.


'Irish begrudgery' me hole, the only thing in short supply did indeed seem to be humility, as people practically fell over themselves to showboat their new found virtual wealth that bought them 'status'.

Now, I'm not saying we should be American, where they'll tell you what they earn, how much their mortgage is, what they're saving towards and how many spots they have on their arse, but at the same time I don't see any need to be exceptionally secretive about simple figures or offended if someone asks.

Phew! Americans, as much as I love them for their positivity, their patriotism and their pride in their work ethic, but they, are, relentless! They're overwhelming, personally speaking, too much information altogether, because they want a pat on the back for wiping their hole almost, they crave validation, and they thrive on it.

I'm somewhat thankful that as much of American culture we've imported, we haven't quite got to their level of craving validation. I see that as a good thing personally.

Especially so if you're in a relationship. If it's in any way serious, a couple of months like, why would not willingly tell them how much you earn?

Yeah, I'd agree with that alright, in a relationship certainly, but to friends, etc, well, I wouldn't surround myself with friends that have nothing more interesting to say for themselves than how much they earn and how much they owe. I don't measure a person on their financial frugality or otherwise. It just doesn't interest me tbh.

Daveysil15

strobe wrote: »

I know how much they have, because they say "oooh pay day today" and then I ask how much they have, then they tell me. They're their most financially comfortable in a good while so they have an interest in how much they are putting away, and I've an interest in anything they are interested in.

They don't know exactly how much I have, but neither do I. My income is wildely variable, and I don't keep much of a track of it besides.

I'm a ridiculously private person, I dislike anyone knowing anything personal about me, I know it's weird, and I'm working on it, cause I think it's a little selfish. So it did come up in general conversation in the past where they asked how much I had and I struggled to tell them. Nothing at all about thinking they wanted my money or anything like that, it's just one of my odd things.

What's all this they? How many people are you seeing?

No I'm a bit like yourself there strobe. I've always been fairly private. My mate is always slagging me over it, saying I'm like that fella Johnny Tight Lips from the Simpsons.

"Johnny Tight lips, how's your mother?"

"Woah, who says I have a mother?" :pac:

Tar.Aldarion

conorh91 wrote: »

I find the need to make a big deal about an unimportant cultural trait (which isn't unique to Ireland) funny and bizarre.

I suppose not as much with savings but with salary...Not that unimportant with work colleagues I think. Employees not discussing their salary helps an employer. Somebody with the same experiences as you, doing the same job could be sitting beside you earning 10k+ more than you, but people don't share it as much here.

My friends tell me about them saving, how much they earn, when they get raises etc, I wouldn't find it odd, it's not in a braggy sort of way, often the opposite too, and I'd think it would be interesting to discuss those matters with them Especially if in the same line of work.

For partners and savings I'd think after a while it would become relevant to your plans together, if you are getting a mortgage and so on.

Connemara Farmer

stateofflux wrote: »

wtf is a partner?

It's a small van made by Peugeot, very similar to the Citroen Berlingo.

Lia_lia

We know each other salaries. And we would know roughly how much money each other has in the bank. Quite open with that sorta thing.

I wouldn't really tell friends of mine about my salary. My wage is a lot higher than most of my friends my age, however many of them are better off than me as they still live at home/Mammy and Daddy pay for everything/I get taxed a lot which they don't realise. I wouldn't really talk to my parents about my money either, none of their business.

The Niece

I've told my partner how much I earn, how much we have saved and we share our disposable income

Luckily he has a terrible short term memory and can't recall any of it

Hold the Cheez Whiz

Before my boyfriend (now husband) and I moved in together, we sat down and went through our finances in detail: income, savings, debts, retirement, long term goals, etc. My OH was very bad with money and I was always very, very careful with managing spending and savings, so our first budget walkthrough was definitely shocking!

Money is the #1 cause of divorce, and I could not have married someone that I couldn't trust financially.

Cedrus

I regularly try to explain it to my OH. However, I'm self employed so conversations along the lines of "this is how much I invoice, this is how much I pay as tax, this is pension it's tax free but we can't touch it yet, this is expenses no I can' claim for shoes, dinners or anything unrelated, this is what's left" are mostly unilluminating, just doesn't get it.

yeah it is all pretty transparent in our relationship. The girls know what I earn - I know what they earn. We split the bills at a ratio of what we have earned each month. If I earn 3000 - them 2000 and 1000 - then we pay the bills at a 3:2:1 split. It varies each month as one of my gfs is freelance and her income is highly variable. We also pay into a joint account "reserve" for whenever one of us can not meet the bills and so forth.

So we pretty much know our entire asset layout from end to end. I have a few side things they probably do not know about - pension schemes - bond stuff - and so forth. But nothing major.

creolebelle

Why wouldn't you?
Its something ppl should discuss before they get married or move in together.
I wonder how many users on here plan to become stay at home parents and have their partner become the breadwinner

COYVB

creolebelle wrote: »

Why wouldn't you?
Its something ppl should discuss before they get married or move in together.
I wonder how many users on here plan to become stay at home parents and have their partner become the breadwinner

I'm planning on continuing to stay at home AND being the breadwinner

creolebelle

COYVB wrote: »

I'm planning on continuing to stay at home AND being the breadwinner

How does that work?

COYVB

creolebelle wrote: »

How does that work?

I work from home

creolebelle

COYVB wrote: »

I work from home

I see. what industry do you work in?

COYVB

creolebelle wrote: »

I see. what industry do you work in?

Publishing

Jawgap

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Herself was telling me the other day how much she has saved. She was kind of hinting that I reciprocate. It's always one of those things I kept private. It's not a discussion I was expecting to have this early in the relationship.

Does your partner know how much money you have and if so, at what stage in the relationship was this information divulged?

She's sussing you out to see if you're saving for a ring

Czarcasm

creolebelle wrote: »

Why wouldn't you?
Its something ppl should discuss before they get married or move in together.
I wonder how many users on here plan to become stay at home parents and have their partner become the breadwinner

Yep, my wife wanted to be a stay at home parent, suited me fine, this was long before we were even married or had children or anything, but it suited both of us

Novella

Yes, my boyfriend is aware of how much money I have. I also know how much he has. We live together, have a joint bank account and since we've lived together we haven't talked in terms of my money and your money, it's our money.

I had a lot more savings than he had when we moved in together so I bought most of the furniture for our apartment but he is really well paid now so he covers more current expenses. We never sat down and had a, "I paid for X, Y and Z so now you owe me." conversation, we just buy whatever we need and if I pay with my card, fine. If he pays with his, fine. If one of us uses the joint account, that's okay too. We're both pretty financially responsible though with no debt so it's what works for us.

Irishcrx

Nop , my girlfriend and I are together 10 years and have a baby but she still doesn't know exactly how much I earn or what I have saved. It's just been one of those thing's with us , we never really discuss money and we don't fight about it. She works part time and whatever she gets she usually spends on herself which is grand, or the little fella and I take care of the mortgage, bills etc and pay for whatever we need done in the house.

But she never really asks me how much I earn , she knows what I do and has a rough idea but if we can't afford something I just say we can't afford it at the minute and that's it.

Everyone's different , whatever works for one couple won't work for another and all that.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

keith16 wrote: »

What's the big deal? What's she going to do? Hack into your account?

Yup, we share what salaries we are on, how much we have saved, what we intend to do with our savings and also have a joint account. It's important to us as we have plans together. It's not possible to share the finanical burden of a mortgage and keep your personal finances secret. I find that bizarre.

Duggy747

I'm pretty sure my girlfriend knows, I can usually tell from her laughter

Electric Sheep

Daveysil15 wrote: »

That doesn't really have much of an affect on savings though. I know a few people on minimum wage but they have a lot of savings because they're as tight as a nuns knickers.

irish for knowing how to budget.

osarusan

My wife - yes. Girlfriend, no, she doesn't.

OH YEAH.