The Terrible Twos - Share your tips /tricks /rants here!

Neyite

Whats your method when with the neverending tantrums? How do you discipline your toddler? Or encourage good behaviour? What worked for your family?

I'm in the midst of the terrible twos here at the moment and would love to hear from those of you who have trod this path before me! I want to find out better ways of understanding this development phase, and find better ways of handling it without getting to the point where I'm stressed and frustrated and he is in full meltdown mode.

Rachineire

Oh I'm right there with you- my little boy is throwing tantrums for any and everything. I gave him 4 grapes instead of 5, peppa pig ended, the sky is blue- so forth and so on.
I feel like I'm at the end of my tether with him some days. then other days he is ok. I swear for every year he ages I age 5 haha!

Gee_G

I'm going through it at the minute too.
We don't have many bad tantrums (yet!), but he takes great enjoyment out of doing EVERYTHING that he shouldn't. I am trying to take the approach of talking to him when hes doing something wrong , getting down to his level and explaining it is wrong etc. But that's all fine and dandy until im getting food thrown at me while I'm trying to explain that's its not nice to throw your food on the floor!!:)

Would definitely like to hear from those who have dealt with it and what they find is the best approach!:)

Julo12

Had a 20 minute tantrum last week cos I cut her sandwich in half... "No break it mammy no break it" sobbing on the floor...
I try ignoring them mostly but I have to say they sometimes get too much for me so I pick her up and try distract her with something else... Then I worry tho I'm rewarding her for the behaviour?? It is so hard to know what to do sometimes. I do try to prevent them when I can see she is tired and ready to go into meltdown but again I feel I have to draw the line sometimes like if she's demanding ice cream but won't eat her dinner.. Once she gets her heart set on something it's very hard to distract her esp with anything healthy!
If she does something 'bold' or dangerous when I've told her a few times not to I try sitting her down telling her that was not nice and to please say sorry to mammy. Only works about half the time I'd say as a lot of the time she thinks it's a joke and just keeps getting up out of the seat, laughing etc. then other times she'll get in a real sulk so there'll be no apology and she tries to throw whatever is closest on the floor... The times when she does say sorry and give me a hug are great - other times not so much!!
So in short I'll be keeping an eye out here for some more ideas!

Neyite

Oh, Time Out is hilarious in this house! Funniest game ever!!

And the only way that he would take it seriously is if I raise my voice. And I dont want to shout at him. Occasionally I can do the Mammy Look and he obeys.

Mostly if I'm not stressed I do find it hard to keep a straight face.


What do you do when out-and-about tantrums strike? Mine bolts in the supermarket so I usually ask him a few million times to hold my hand etc, and one time in 10 he might do what I ask. One occasion I scooped him up, said "RIGHT, You didnt listen to mama so now we are going to go home and you are NOT coming shopping with me again" abandoned my basket, walked as far as the car with him wailing all the while. It worked because the next time he was as good as gold holding my hand and saying "not wun away, mama" on repeat. But a few outings later he was back to his usual tricks.

Rose35

Oh we are going through it here at the moment too, he wants to do everything himself will accept no help and even
demands that I go and sit on the 'naughty chair' ......

Ms2011

I think there's a difference between a raised, stern voice & shouting at a child though, shouting is more out of frustration & is likely to result in an equally frustrated response from the child whereas a calmly raised voice is more authoritive & more like catch the the child attention, well that's my experience anyway.
I pretty much have the tantrums sussed (famous last words ) at home, we do the naughty chair & it's pretty effective for us. Where I have issues is at the local playground, if my son has been playing on something & moves off to play on something else but looks back at what he's previously been playing with & another child is on it he has a complete meltdown, it's like he thinks it's his & no one else is allowed play with it. There's no talking to or distracting him so more than once I've had to leave all the while he's wailing like a banshee. He plays in the playground in Montessori with no issues so I just dunno. It's got to where I dread going to the playground

galah

oh yeah. we're also at that stage, and the tantrums are unreal. Yellow cup instead of blue cup, major drama. tiny wet spot on sock and i don't go running to change them - major drama. this child is a little tyrant, especially when tired. :rolleyes:

distraction works in a lot of cases "oh look, what's the cat doing? ) and sometimes ignoring it works too. in all other cases it gets more messy - our child knows how to pick his moments for maximum embarassment (full blown throw on the road and scream tantrum the other day - the only day when there was a hoard of tourists taking pictures of our back road. thanks )

thankfully our nearest neighbours are a good bit away and dont have to listen to us!

RentDayBlues

Timeouts work here, we have glass doors so toddler can see the fun they're missing, she even gives the dolls timeout if they are naughty, we've quite the imagination.

I enforce it outdoors too. If we're going somewhere I explain where we're going and what behaviour I expect, handholding, sitting in buggy etc If there is misbehaving I will enforce the timeout or whatever consequences are suitable, leaving or taking something away.

Behaviour has gotten so much better because of this, we still have days when no amount of timeouts work but I persevere, even if only for my own sanity

Neyite

And of course the very day I start a thread, the wee man was an angel all evening and cuteness personified - singing me songs and being all affectionate and cuddly :pac:

My partner was listening to an american podcast and some professor in Yale said that from age 2-3 is where people are at their most violent. Psychopaths basically, that only for the fact they are so little and so weak, they would murder ya if they could at times.

I've had some success with counting to three. They must do that in creche, because the first time I counted, he got it. Distraction works quite well, until he gets to the point of no return. And he knows who is the good cop and the bad cop. (I'm bad cop, dad is a big softie)

Julo12

Haha yes teddy keeps on being put on time out for knocking over her Lego towers. She's so stern with him it has me thinking I probably need to watch my tone of voice a bit more but sometimes only the mammy voice gets through to her!
And yes I'm definitely bad cop here too. I think Dad just seems to miss most things so she gets away with a lot more!

pwurple

Neyite wrote: »

I've had some success with counting to three. They must do that in creche, because the first time I counted, he got it. Distraction works quite well, until he gets to the point of no return. And he knows who is the good cop and the bad cop. (I'm bad cop, dad is a big softie)

Counting down from 5 works here too. But she's gettjng wise to it. "No counting backwards I'm building a lego house!" is the wail when we need to go somewhere.

"Chats" were our other thing. I'd separate her from the action, bring her somewhere quiet for a word about her behaviour. This backfired spectacularly in my aunts house though, when she greeted us at the door and asked herself if she'd like to come in for a biscuit and a chat. Cue her bursting into tears and saying she was being very good, what was the chat for.

Rose35

As mentioned above by someone I find distraction is good, I suddenly go 'oh look out the window what's that' or 'is that a dog I see out on the road looking in at you', It works for me or the naughty chair but he looks so sad on the chair I give in and take him off for a cuddle, I shout and I feel awful afterwards it has no affect whatsoever I get frustrated with the tantrums, I feel so bad sometimes and I only have himself our only child.

elly123

Gee_G wrote: »

I'm going through it at the minute too.
We don't have many bad tantrums (yet!), but he takes great enjoyment out of doing EVERYTHING that he shouldn't. I am trying to take the approach of talking to him when hes doing something wrong , getting down to his level and explaining it is wrong etc. But that's all fine and dandy until im getting food thrown at me while I'm trying to explain that's its not nice to throw your food on the floor!!:)

Would definitely like to hear from those who have dealt with it and what they find is the best approach!:)

Gee_e i could have written your post myself. We don't have too many bad tantrums but he's doing EVERYTHING he shouldn't which mainly consists of climbing everything.
When i get down to his level to tell him its naughty or silly he laughs in my face and thinks its funny. I try tell him is naughty and take him away from what he's doing and then distract him. It doesn't always work and he some times will scream for a few seconds and then watch to see if i'm watching and go climb again. If there's not to much danger i will ignore it and he wont bother with it because he didn't get a reaction.

I don't even bother with playgrounds anymore because all he wants to do is climb up the slide!

The only person he wont cross is his grand dad, my husbands dad, i dont know how he does it but he wont even go into the kitchen when he's there and he can do nappy changes etc with no fuss.

I had two breakdowns over the weekend from the little rascal he just didn't stop all day sat and sunday, i burst into tears with my husband and he took him off me and told me to go ly down and then the same when my sister came over Sunday i burst into tears saying i cant handle the little man he's just too much. I was so stressed with him and that makes me feel guilty because he's generally a good little boy, he's just been a typical boy into everything and breaking mammys heart.

At what age did you ladies introduce the naughty step?

Rose35

The creche introduced it to him when he was around 18 months and I followed with naughty chair soon after, I don't use it all that often it is only in past month that he is being demanding, he is two since august.

elly123

Rose35 wrote: »

The creche introduced it to him when he was around 18 months and I followed with naughty chair soon after, I don't use it all that often it is only in past month that he is being demanding, he is two since august.

Thanks Rose, hmmm my little man is 18 months he understands everything so maybe i should try introduce something like that. I must ask in creche what they do if he's acting the maggot.

Neyite

I think I brought it in around 18 months too. Our creche dont use a naughty step or chair apparently, just positive reinforcement. They should teach classes in it for us!

Rose35

Neyite wrote: »

I think I brought it in around 18 months too. Our creche dont use a naughty step or chair apparently, just positive reinforcement. They should teach classes in it for us!

Wouldn't mind some tips on how to use positive reinforcement, have
to admit I was a little taken aback when I heard he was on the naughty step in creche, not that I thought he was an angel or anything I just wasn't a fan of it but it does work.

Gee_G

My little man finds the naughty step absolutely side splitingly comical!!

We've had a few bad tantrums but as i said above it's mostly just him doing everything he shouldn't. I do try and chose my battles wisely but sometimes it is hard!! Like for example, throwing stones, at people! Distraction does not work anymore for things like this so I've started just removing him from the area(with the stones) but as soon as he goes to it again, it starts. I need to find my mammy stern voice because he fears nobody/nothing!!

Neyite

I've found this website and plan to have a proper read later on and take key pointers and techniques from it. I'm thinking draw up my main areas I want to work on, use techniques suggested and report back on my progress. From an initial glance, it looks interesting.

Get practise in taking deep breaths and trying to see the funny side of tantrums. Because they're here to stay for a while!

Pablodreamsofnew

I feel your pain. We don't allow any sugar at the moment. He was getting one treat day a week but now that the terrible twos have approach we stopped the treat day because the sugar was sending him into terrible tantrums.

The trigger for our son is tiredness! If he is overtired it's gonna be a bad day.
I try to ignore when he trows a wobble or distract him. 'Oh look at the woof woof' because he loves dogs and I'll read him a picture book. Usually works. If he is really upset I just hug him! Sometimes it's the last thing you think they want but a hug does wonders for our son!!

If all else fails, I ask him does he want me to ring daddy that usually works

'

bp

60 seconds in the high chair is what we do here but it is causing confusion so move it away from the table. Also follow through on threats - e.g. no story time tonight if you continue but that is for a little older kids

Suucee

Have to say my girl 2yrs 5 mnths pretty good most the time. I introduced naughy step a long time ago (cant remember what age she was) . Basically if she doing something "bold" i tell her she cant do it and WHY.. eg you cant run off in shop incase you get lost / run in to something and get hurt.
If shes getting very hyped up and messing i use my stern mammy voice "listen to mammy, stop running " when she does what i say tell her shes a good girl.
she never really gets too over tired as she still naps 1 - 1.5hr every day.

Her biggest problem can be sharing . But id mainly use distraction there and again praise her for calming.

So for example if shes running off in a shop
"A you cant run off as its too dangerous because you may get lost"
goes to run again
"A listem to mammy, i said no running off"
(Normally behaves by now so i tell her shes a good girl)
before she learned to listen id have said "A listwn to mammy. No running off or you wil go in the naughty corner" (if out and about)
the next time i would bend down tell her she has to stand in naughty corner because she was running off and cant do that as its dangerous in case she gets lost. She now has to stand in naughty corner.
Id make her stand wher we were (i wouldnt look at her) and she would normally cry. Id leave het 2 mins (id stand beside her as werw out and about but no eye contact or talking) when 2 mins up id bend down explain again and get a hug and kiss apology.

It was a bit embarasing doing it out and about but id say i done ut about 4-5 times and that was it.

I cant remember last time we used step/corner as normally stern mammy voice works.

Past few months she has been grand and i really think alot has to do with me understanding her and her understanding me.

galah

we reached a new low at 5 am this morning - he woke up, i went into him to bring hi into our bed (no point fighting that battle at that hour), but the little demon just decided 'no, daddy get up and bring me'. followed by a full on screamathon as i was not going to get daddy. (the daddy obsession is a rant for another day)

wouldnt mind, but this was the first night EVER since his birth in january that baby slept through. and would have slept even more if toddler hadnt kicked off. very tempted to put toddler on ebay this morning :pac:

RentDayBlues

galah wrote: »

we reached a new low at 5 am this morning - he woke up, i went into him to bring hi into our bed (no point fighting that battle at that hour), but the little demon just decided 'no, daddy get up and bring me'. followed by a full on screamathon as i was not going to get daddy. (the daddy obsession is a rant for another day)

wouldnt mind, but this was the first night EVER since his birth in january that baby slept through. and would have slept even more if toddler hadnt kicked off. very tempted to put toddler on ebay this morning :pac:

I know that feeling! My toddler has realised slapping gets her in trouble so instead she stands close by and slaps for hands together at me!!! I know what you are doing and you will still get in trouble for it!

Roll on the day when we can just talk through the issue and move on

Julo12

galah wrote: »

we reached a new low at 5 am this morning - he woke up, i went into him to bring hi into our bed (no point fighting that battle at that hour), but the little demon just decided 'no, daddy get up and bring me'. followed by a full on screamathon as i was not going to get daddy. (the daddy obsession is a rant for another day)

wouldnt mind, but this was the first night EVER since his birth in january that baby slept through. and would have slept even more if toddler hadnt kicked off. very tempted to put toddler on ebay this morning :pac:

Glad we're not the only ones with the demand for 'no mammy/daddy do it' - replace with whoever is not currently available... Mostly as I'm 35 wks pregnant she demands that I do everything especially carrying her! It drives my other half mad tho and we can't agree how to deal with it.. I don't want to make a big deal out of it so think we should just swap over saying ok mammy do it (assuming I can which mostly is the case) whereas hubby thinks we should just say no and leave her to have the tantrum... I just think she loses interest quicker if we don't make a big deal of it and she tends to do it less... As otherwise I do think she likes to play us off each other- not even 2 and a half and so devious!!

Neyite

Yep, we've had that. Only mammy can put on his programme. Only daddy can give him his snack. My favourite is around 4am: "Mama? Dada? Meere (come here)...Mama or Dada meere..."

its all equal oppertunities at that hour!

the_monkey

I feel so much better reading through this thread, our boy is 3 in November but his tantrums are pretty much a daily occurence now .

Getting him to the creche in the morning is soooo stressfull ... I never thought I could be defeated by a 2 year old :mad:

galah

we keep joking that after a year with a two year old and their antics you can easily take over as a hostage negotiator for the UN or so :pac:

I must admit I get really stubborn at times when toddler is trying to be controlling - so if he insists he doesnt want to wear shoes (for example) and it would mean a physical struggle for me to put them on, I rather let him go barefoot. even when it's bucketing rain. pick your battles and all that, and usually he does come round after a while (and realises wet feet arent that nice).

this only works for non-dangerous stuff obviously, there are some battles you will have to fight (seatbelt would be one, or holding hands while crossing the street, that sort of thing).

elly123

So I introduced the naughty corner to my little man, he seems to understand the concept and he gets a warning that if he continues to be naughty he will go to the naughty corner. He will generally stop but since introduction last Monday he has been in the naughty corner at least once 4 out of the 5 days. As he's only 18 months i'm literally only counting to 15 and then i go and ask if he is going to be a good boy and to give mammy a kiss and a hug. Its working for mammy, and i will slowly leave him a little longer as time goes by. He has generally only been in it for standing/climbing stuff he shouldn't. I need to get Granny and Daddy on board too as i don't want to be bad cop!

Neyite

I'm finding the counting method to be semi-successful.

Ask him to do something, then when he refuses, tell him I'll count to three and come over and pick him up and do it, then slowly count, and by 3 he usually obliges.

When he doesnt want to go to creche in the morning, I acknowledge it and tell him I'd love to stay at home too, but I'm not allowed, I have to go to work, and he has to go to to creche, and reiterate that we are not allowed to stay at home today, but after creche we will go to the park /shop whatever. I'm a firm believe in keeping my promises. I remember distinctly my father promising me something when I was about that age, when I was upset. I waited ages for it, asked for it, and never, ever forgot how it felt when I realised that I'd never get that toy. I still remember that feeling.

So I never promise something as a fob-off.

the_monkey

I never understand the resistance to getting dressed - YOU CAN STILL DO WHAT YOU WERE DOING !!! JUST NOW YOU WILL BE WEARING PANTS !!!

:mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

cyning

My little monster took her top off on top of the tall slide in the playground last week and threw it down at me laughing: refused to come down: then eventually came down the slide and legged it to the other side of the playground half naked while trying to take off her pants... I give up on clothes

We have a naughty step/corner here. But what works best is distraction: she helps when I'm hoovering I give her a cloth to polish, cooking she gets me the milk and butter from the fridge or if I chop the peppers/carrots she puts them in a bowl.

When out and about a stream of snacks, drinks (she only drinks water so it's ok!), stickers to decorate the buggy, fireman Sam on my phone if we are doing the shopping. Otherwise we end up leaving wherever we are. She has improved a bit lately I was nearly afraid to leave the house a few weeks ago!

Mink

We have worst tantrums when he's tired/hungry and I've missed the signs.
There's usually no return from those ones apart from just calming down over the next 15 mins.

Generally he's pretty good and seems to mostly respond to a stern tone of voice but I really have to find a balance between picking my battles, keeping him safe (and dry, and clean) and freedom for him.

For instance if I say the word "bath" but don't actually bring him upstairs and bath him, he goes absolutely apesh1t so I have to watch some keywords haha. Also if we go to the park and the toddler swings are all in use, there is no limit to the fury (and tears and snot) he will unleash and I've had to put him straight back in car and go home. He doesn't get turn-taking specifically in relation to swings.

He doesn't say many words yet but as this picks up over next few months I'll introduce naughty step/time outs if needed.

Sligo1

Mink wrote: »

We have worst tantrums when he's tired/hungry and I've missed the signs.
There's usually no return from those ones apart from just calming down over the next 15 mins.

Generally he's pretty good and seems to mostly respond to a stern tone of voice but I really have to find a balance between picking my battles, keeping him safe (and dry, and clean) and freedom for him.

For instance if I say the word "bath" but don't actually bring him upstairs and bath him, he goes absolutely apesh1t so I have to watch some keywords haha. Also if we go to the park and the toddler swings are all in use, there is no limit to the fury (and tears and snot) he will unleash and I've had to put him straight back in car and go home. He doesn't get turn-taking specifically in relation to swings.

He doesn't say many words yet but as this picks up over next few months I'll introduce naughty step/time outs if needed.

O that sounds all too familiar!!! The swings! Absolute nightmare. Thank god just in the last week I think he's starting to understand about taking turns. He now waits (with me holding onto him for dare life) and says "wait turn" . Cue me "o aren't you the best most patient boy in the world". Then the swing becomes avaliable... And it's the bloody slide he wants! Lol

mrsWhippy

I'm just delighted to read i'm not the only one who's head is melted by their 2 year old!

My girl has just turned 2, and has become so difficult and defiant over the past month or so. EVERYTHING is a battle (and believe me I DO pick my battles!). Her speech is very good for her age so she is well able to communicate when she wants to, she just prefers to shout NO MAMA and kick and do something bold instead.

I'm determined not to use a naughty step or time out if at all possible, I'd prefer to use positive reinforcement and empathy (that ahaparenting website has some brilliant tips) but it's so so so difficult to keep your cool sometimes! When she refuses to get dressed or something, I try not to make a battle out of it, but say calmly 'That's ok, we can't go to the park until you're dressed - you let me know when you're ready to get dressed and then we can go' and I usually leave the room and let her at it. She often comes to me willingly when she know's she's not getting a fight or attention! Only works if you're not in a hurry

She is a bit of a bolter when out and about too - I find it helps to explain in simple terms 'We are going to the shop now, if you run away from Mama, you will be going into your buggy/going back to the car etc' and then actually follow through if necessary despite the screams. If she knows what behaviour is expected of her, then it's easier for her to follow I think.

Anyway I'm sure she'll have grown out of it by the time she is 24. Argh!

Rachineire

is there some sort of 20-21 month sleep regression that I don't know about??

the past 3 nights he has woken up SCREAMING- at first we thought it must be his teeth. Checked his mouth, nothing in the gums, calpol making no difference.
Thought he might be sick, no fever, no sniffles no any sign he is feeling unwell.

I finally sussed that its a control thing. He wakes up at night and wants me to come in and pick him up and NOW. he is waking up 5-6 times a night in a total rage screaming if daddy tries to get him. as soon as I pick him up and sit in the rocking chair with him he settles right back down. If I try and take in to our bed (or the spare room) he is enraged! he wants me to hold him in the rocking chair while he sleeps!

Needless to say this isn't happening and so there has been a significant lack of sleep. I'm sitting here in work with my eyes hanging out of my head and coffee all but going via IV into me.
And because he is tired during the day the tantrum factor has turned up to 10. This morning he refused his porridge so I gave him a bannana which he was eating until I sat beside him on the sofa- cue a huge meltdown in which he threw banana on sofa and smashed it with his foot. :mad::mad::mad::mad:

It was not a good morning for either of us.

bp

Unfortunately 'stern mammy voice' leads to laughter in our house - thinks it's brilliant! I did threaten being returned to holles st the other day (not seriously obviously) but that was wasted on a 19 month old!