Can't stop

poppy81

Hi folks,
Been following this for a while now and firstly congrats on every body who has given up Genuinely well done and keep it up!
Every morning (hung over)I read this thread and am inspired. If they can do it so can I right? No. I can't it's an awful habit I've fallen into.
Hopefully this post isn't tl:dr but bit of background- I work in a hotel restaurant (manager) Very busy and very stressful I work long, unsociable hours and I just can't go straight to bed after a full busy service wound up to the **** and sleep. So I discovered a while back come home and chill with a glass or 2 of wine.
Grand but this glass or 2 has turned into 2 bottles. I drink every night, I can't just have a glass, once I start I can't stop.
I've tried counselling, she suggested maybe a walk to unwind, I reminded her I don't get in until about 12.30-1am so it's not exactly safe to do so!
I feel so guilty, nobody knows the magnitude of how much I drink and scarily I've become a f**king expert at hiding it.
That scares me, I'm scared for my health , I look like s**t and I've put on a bit of weight.
So far my work hasn't suffered I'm sure that's because I start at 4pm and can get myself together by then. Every night customers tell me how great I am at my job etc I just feel like a phoney :-(
I know I need help I know I do but I found counselling a waste of time Maybe it was just her I don't know.
I want to stop I really really do

poppy81

pudzey101 wrote: »

Well done for coming out and saying all that for a start admitting you have a drink every night is a good step , id suggest try finding some AA meetings in your local area , i might only be 24 but im in it and am sober for nearly 2 years now i used be the same when i was 18-22 id have my few drinks every night of the week , but wouldn't admit i was an alcoholic to anybody. try em out there great

Thanks so much for replying pudzey101
Yes I have looked into AA meetings in my area but I live and work in a small county in a popular restaurant I'd b so mortified if anyone knew!
I know that's prob an excuse but stupidly I want to do this as privately as possible.
I'm ashamed being honest ;-(
Well done on being so young (I'm almost 33) and being brave enough to fight the drink when I'm sure all your friends are mad on the sauce going out getting p***ed!!
Well done 😀

poppy81

I just feel so lost and alone and useless

poppy81

I know pudz,
You don't mind if I call u pudz do you haha :-)
Thanks for all the support tonight bud I really appreciate it x
I'm gonna look into meetings away from here that I can try attend.
Thing is my boyfriend went thru something similar He's off de drink 6 yrs now yet I can't talk to him I don't want to bring him back down ya know?!

K.Flyer

poppy81 wrote: »

Thanks so much for replying pudzey101
Yes I have looked into AA meetings in my area but I live and work in a small county in a popular restaurant I'd b so mortified if anyone knew!
I know that's prob an excuse but stupidly I want to do this as privately as possible.
I'm ashamed being honest ;-(

As has been said already, Well Done!
The hardest step is always the first one, asking for help when you know you need it.
The second word in A.A.is Anonymous! and it is exactly that.
You will meet people who are in the exact same boat as you are, people who need help and who willing to help. They will be from all corners of society, from all corners of the country. They are not there to judge anyone, nor to be judged themselves.
You will be treated with respect and discretion at all times. You may meet people you know, they could all be total strangers. But it will make no difference, as all they will want for you is to help you to turn your life around as long as you are willing to try.
Best of luck.

poppy81

I know I'm not an alcoholic in the dictionary sense. Ie I don't crave drink 1st thing in the a.m. My work hasn't suffered etc but I know I'm an alcoholic
I try to not drink after work but I can't do it!
I will hate myself 2moro cos I drank
I will promise i won't drink today cos it's Monday and a fresh start but I know I will drink again

Sunnyisland

poppy81 wrote: »

I know I'm not an alcoholic in the dictionary sense. Ie I don't crave drink 1st thing in the a.m. My work hasn't suffered etc but I know I'm an alcoholic
I try to not drink after work but I can't do it!
I will hate myself 2moro cos I drank
I will promise i won't drink today cos it's Monday and a fresh start but I know I will drink again

You will never plough a field if you only turn it over in your mind. Irish proverb.

And it's so true poppy, How much you drink also tends to be a product of how much alcohol you purchase. So one obvious step is to not buy quite so much. Make sure you don’t keep any drink in the house – just buy it as you need it. That way the choice to drink has to be a conscious decision. Don’t forget, for this to really work you’ll need your partner to agree on the plan,and as your partner is six years free,it should be easier than you think,I also think your partner can help you,he has been there and worn the tshirt,and you might be surprised in how delighted he would be in helping you to get into his world :-)

Another option, a combination of cutting down and giving up – just staying sober for a day or two at a time every week. It’s better than nothing, and you’re getting used to dealing with life without drinking. Try and plan which days you’re going to do it in advance, and plan to do something else incompatible with drinking perhaps. But be careful of the trap of rewarding yourself for your two days of sobriety with, you guessed it, a binge!

Good luck poppy it can be done.

poppy81

Hi guys,
Firstly thanks to all of you who took the time to read and reply to my post.
It's great knowing I'm not alone and people have fought through this.
Secondly, I'm off to bed! Gonna cuddle up with my dogs and read like a normal person ;-)
I'm actually wrecked it catches up on you eventually burning the candle at both ends!
Thanks again for replies Great, sound advice x

enoughalready

Best of luck on your journey poppy81, you'll be surprised how strong willed and determined you can be once you set your mind to something. Challenge yourself as you have all the power inside of you. I swear by this great book called 'Easyway to control alcohol' by Allen Carr. Changes your whole thought process. Also the shame and guilt can be enormous but AA is a great friendly non judgmental place where you can make sense of your addiction and it really grounds you...I BELIEVE IN YOU! JUST GO FOR IT! You've everything to gain and nothing to loose!

emmabrighton

Howdy Poppy81,

You sound like me... I was 31 when I finally hit the nail on the head. I was jet setting around the world, training phd students and lecturers on how to use my product, being sensible and drinking a glass of wine when they would bring me out to dinner after the training session and then pounding a bottle (or two) after the meal to chill - because I deserved it.

The hangovers I used to suffer the next day for day 2 of training.

Somehow I was still getting positive feedback even though I knew my work was suffering - how much better would I have been at my job if I wasn't going in hung over with the fear!

Every day I would promise myself that I wouldn't drink tonight.

Once in a while I wouldn't and I would wake up feeling proud of myself.

But then the following evening I would buy a bottle of wine.

I used to not go into the same off license on the way home because I was paranoid and convinced the shop assistant knew I was a booze hound.

But, you know what? Every route home took me past a supermarket or an off-license. Thats ireland for ya!

Even the days when I woke up with a banging hangover, by 4-5 pm, I was grand and looking forward to my treat at the end of the night.

I piled on the weight - 2 stone over 4 years.

I stopped drinking and after 6 months... I was back to my pre drinking weight...

If thats not incentive, I don't know what is... been 3 years now.

drydub

Hi Poppey81

I hope everything is going well for you. I hope you have moved on from acknowledging your problem to putting a plan in place that works for you.