am i overreacting?

LegacyUser

I am an adult child of parents, who rub along together, is the best I can put it. My uncle, to whom my mam was very close, died last week. My mam was with him when he passed. His wife was sedated and in a home so didn't attend. My dad didn't come to the removal or the funeral, as my mam was going in the funeral car. He said her not being with him did not show respect. I did offer to bring him so he could support me. He neglected to do either, and didn't appear. My mam was really upset.

Today was my grandfather's anniversary, and we had a Mass said in the local church. My dad bizzarrely appeared at this, and part of me was thankful to him. I thought for once we looked like a family. Anyway when the collection went round we all put in a few coins....and I put in 2 euro my dad said to me that it was too much (it was the only change I had on me)...and proceeded to take change out of the basket! When we left the church I went through him. I am in my 40s, if I chose to leave notes that was my choice!

I feel as if he's deliberately embarrassed my mother who has a really bad chest infection.

Xterminator

i would say that taking sides in your parents relationship is alway a bad idea. If your fathers behaviour upsets your mum, you should not overtly take sides. Often the 'rules' ina relationship of people of the previous generation seem wrong to us. i remember my mum getting agitated about the idea my dads dinner not be sitting on the table when he arrived in from work, when there was other pressing family issues that seemed far more important than meat and 3 veg.

But really that is their relationship - and while you should be supportive, its not your place to dictate it. & do that once too often and your father believes your on your mums side .. in all situations in his mind.

now if your fathers behaviour to you is an issue, that by all rights have a word. His behaviour probably deserved to be checked, but to go through him for something so trivial ...?

I am guessing there are years of history to this story, because the above in isolation seems small in the scheme of things.

Big Bag of Chips

What does your mother think? It sounds like you are getting offended on her behalf.

Rubberchikken

getting older does affect how people behave.
there could be many things that have occured between your parents over the years that you don't, and don't need to, know about.

try talking to your dad calmly, see if he's ok. don't take sides, that only makes matters worse.

good luck