In my 20's and feel lost and unhappy

Mr.Cabski

Hey guys,

I'm a 24 year-old guy, and recently I've been feeling really lost with my life. I feel like life is passing me by, I know that 24 isn't old but I don't feel that I have lived my 20's so far to the full and can't see that changing anytime soon. Is it normal to feel so anxious and lost in your 20's.

I qualified a year ago from a pretty intense college course. Most of college consisted of exams and studying and the summer breaks were mostly made up of internships and work placements. I did make some close friends and have some great memories too, but for much of my time in college I was thinking "just wait til you graduate, then you can do all the things you wanted to do but couldn't in college". For instance, I had always wanted to get into scuba diving but my hours during college just didnt let me pursue this despite my best efforts.

There werent many jobs going in my area of work for a new graduate so after graduation i had to move to England to get a job. I moved to a smallish town in a poor area, found my job really stressful, there werent many people my own age in the area and I found it hard to make friends there. I then got offered what I thought to be my dream job in Australia and thought this was the perfect opportunity to make a fresh start. I have moved out to Oz a few weeks ago and am struggling. My job involves 6 day weeks of 12hr+ days, so it is tough going but would open loads of doors career wise if i can get through it and make it easy for me to get a job back home when I am finished this year.

I like to think I am a nice guy and fairly sociable but I find it hard to make friends sometimes. I like meeting new people but the whole drinking scene really doesnt appeal to me and that seems to be all most people my age are interested in. I havent made many new friends the past year and feel as if I am starting to drift from my friends back home as I am rarely home. I know good advice for someone like me would be "join a club" etc but please believe me when I say there really isnt time with my job to do this. To be honest I am kind of wishing my life away until I can get back home and settle there which is ridiculous. I'm in my 20s and in Oz and should be having the time of my life. Ive been working my ass of the past few years and am on a good career path but am now unhappy and questioning whether I even want to pursue this career any more. I havent been on a proper holiday in a few years and although Im in Oz havent really seen much of the world even though its a big ambition ambition of mine to travel. However Im feeling so alone right now that I think Id rather just head straight home when my contract is finished here as Im finding it quite hard to cope. Another factor is that my mum has been ill since Ive moved away and between the stress of work and my worries about this I find it difficult to enjoy life and be confident and sociable all the time.

I've also never had a girlfriend which i think is quite pathetic. Im really shy around girls- I have many female friends but anything more than that I get really shy. I had a major thing for one of my friends in college but never had the confidence to ask her out and now she's been dating another guy for the past year. I never had the balls to tell her how I felt and only when I realised how much it upset me when I found she was seeng someone else did I know how much I liked her. Im kicking myself but what's done is done and I cant change that now. So basically I'm a 24 year old virgin and dont see this changing any time soon. I'm pretty decent looking. Loads of girls have told me what a great guy I am and that any girl would be lucky to have me as her boyfriend buy I notice that these are the girls who never make a move on me. I get some attention from girls but usually from the ones Im not really into. I dont have much self confidence and notice that most of my friends need to be drunk to get with girls. Im not into getting off with random drunk girls and even though the thought of one night stands is really tempting its just not me to do that. When I was younger I used to get teased that I was gay because I was shy and polite and used to be paranoid that people thought I was gay because of this (not that there's anything wrong with that, I just know that Im not) . I also was teased by a few girls when I was in secondary school which I think also affected my confidence around girls.

So I feel pretty lost and fed up right now. Im not depressed but I am very unhappy and honestly dont think Ive been really happy the past few years. I realise from what Ive been saying on here I must sound kinda messed up but honestly if I was talking to you I'd just seem like a normal 20 something guy. Sometimes i think "just deal with it and stop this self-indulgent feeling sorry for yourself" but I cant. Anyone been in a similar situation and if so how did you get over it/have any advice?

KERSPLAT!

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El_Dangeroso

You're suffering post-college malaise, which is so common, people should be warned about it.

It's a period of intense disillusionment as you are now in the first part of your life that is completely unstructured by outside influences. Up to this point, you always knew what was expected of you and life was like filling out a form, you just needed to follow instructions. Now there are no instructions and the 'get a job and work 'til 65' is not only unappealing but very daunting.

For the record I went to Oz when I was around your age and absolutely hated it. I stuck it out for a year because that's what I thought I 'should' do but when I got back I was so much happier. I went back through Asia and had an absolute ball travelling around meeting people, something I never really got a taste of in Oz. Not everyone's experience but certainly mine.

Regarding women, the main thing would be to work on your confidence. You do this by making yourself happy. Happiness is such an attractive trait.

So what can you do? You should change some things, where you live, where you work, anything. If it turns out that doesn't make you happier, change again. This is the point of your 20's, you get to try on loads of different lives and see which one fits you the best. In fact, in my 30's I'm still changing things. The only thing that stops you from changing is negative thought patterns that say you can't and that is one thing I can tell you is completely wrong.

You are free in so many ways right now that you won't truly understand until you are older.

Rubberchikken

Is there absolutely no way you coukd find a couple of hours every week to do a scuba diving course where you are.
I always think if you're going to do something you dream of doing, then your 20s are the perfect time.

If you get the opportunity after the year is up, would you consider travelling before coming home?

I'm sorry your mom's unwell, but she wouldn't want you to be worrying. Most mothers love to see their kids enjoying their lives.

Take care

metime

If I was you I'd finish contract whilst saving for the most epic scuba diving course you can find in a different town and travel for a week or so to get to it so you give yourself something to look forward to? Just an idea. I'm stuck too at the moment but am in Ireland and work situation getting me down _ don't know which direction to go!

Mr.Cabski

Thanks for the advice guys,
Trying to improve my confidence, hopefully this is something that will come with time, am trying my best to push myself.
@metime, yes might try planning something to look forward to, best of luck with your working situation, hope it works out

El_Dangeroso

Mr.Cabski wrote: »

Thanks for the advice guys,
Trying to improve my confidence, hopefully this is something that will come with time, am trying my best to push myself.
@metime, yes might try planning something to look forward to, best of luck with your working situation, hope it works out

I don't know if 'pushing' yourself is the solution. You sound like you're being very self-critical, when you should be proud of what you've achieved and enjoy it. Remember the happiness will come first and then the confidence will spring from that. Basically what you are doing now is not working for you and you have every right to change it so you can be happy.