Co worker making insinuations

savvyav

I'm not sure if this is completely a work issue as it overlaps with personal issues so mods please feel free to move this!

I am currently interning for a NGO in the Middle East, I've been here since end of April and am due to go home in 4 weeks. I really like the role, get on well with my co-workers (despite the language barrier as my Arabic and their English is limited). The girl who was my direct supervisor has recently left and the NGO have offered me her job, starting in January, which I was delighted to accept. So all good so far...except another intern arrived in July, who I live with and share a room with (the NGO provide our housing and are on a small budget- I've done volunteer work out in the Middle East before and shared rooms with co-workers so I was fine with this). She is quite hard to live with, and as the expat community is very small here we ended up socialising together a lot so I suggested to my boss that it would be better if we worked on separate projects in work, so as to maximise efficiency (the stuff we were working on really didn't need two people working on it, it was a waste of time) and everyone agreed that was better and I found the working/living/socialising with the same person easier to deal with.

However, she seems quite jealous that I got offered the job and keeps bringing it up with passive-aggressive comments like 'well the boss obviously likes you as you got the job'. I don't really react, as I feel I earned this job and it's nothing to do with her. Then a few weeks ago she started saying our boss was inviting her for beers after work and I didn't really pass any remark on it (I thought it was odd as he is very business-like in work, he rarely has lunch with us all, doesn't come to any of our work dinners, I've never seen him have a coffee and a gossip with any of the long-term workers). I was away at the weekend and when I came home Sunday night she tells me that he took her out for a day trip around a village nearby that day and they had a long lunch together- I definitely found this strange as he is almost 60 and married (she's 27 like me) and in the culture we live in it would be quite inappropriate for this to happen. When I asked her what the village was like she couldn't tell me anything about it, so I figured maybe she was making it up to sound important. Then last night at dinner with a friend, she informs us our boss wanted to take her to Jordan this week for a few days but they would have had to share a hotel room. I asked why would she be going to Jordan and she didn't really explain it, just said 'oh he's always inviting me to things, he was going to a conference and thought I might like to go'. My friend asked her did she not think that was an inappropriate suggestion and she acted all shocked and naive at the idea- she's 27 though, she should know better! Also she studied abroad in Jordan years ago so it's not like it would be a new exciting place for her to see...

I feel a bit weird about all these revelations and I kind of feel I should tell someone but I also don't know who I would tell! If she is making this up, our boss should be warned (he's quite high-profile in his field and rumours like this could really hurt both his reputation and the NGO), but if he is being inappropriate then someone should be made aware of it. I'm also afraid this will escalate into a sexual harrassment lawsuit and then it will come out that I knew and didn't say anything...I think I feel slightly responsible in that when I come back in January I would technically be her direct supervisor (she's leaving beginning of January so I might not actually have to work with her when I come back). I also do not want to cause a lot of drama for myself! I really wish that she hadn't told me these things as I am really stressing about it...

It may also be worth mentioning that she seems to have developed a slight obsession with him, keeps gushing to me that he's a genius, does massive amounts of extra work outside of working hours and likes to go sit in his office when he is away. She seems to have massive issues about other things in life and is not stable at all but I was putting up with it...however I don't like that it is affecting my work and my home life.

The other issue is, who would I even tell? The only person with good enough English in the office is the admin assistant and I could see things being lost in translation and being exaggerated. Our boss is the only authority figure here, the other workers are all on the same level and they might not want to get involved. So should I just keep my mouth shut?

Any advice is gratefully accepted, I have never been in a situation like this before!

If this were me I wouldn't do anything, I don't really see her obsession with the boss as your problem tbh.

Tarzana

The OP seems like two separate issues.

Ignore her catty comments about you getting the job. Just keep on keeping on. You know you deserve it and others you work with will recognise that too.

Her stories about the boss, whether true or not, have nothing to do with you. If she starts talking to you about them, show indifference and give non-committal, uninterested responses. Don't be rude, just be... blank. She'll soon stop telling you things.

Faolchu

Tarzana wrote: »

The OP seems like two separate issues.

Ignore her catty comments about you getting the job. Just keep on keeping on. You know you deserve it and others you work with will recognise that too.

yep seems like shes suffereing from the green eyed monster. ignore her

Tarzana wrote: »

Her stories about the boss, whether true or not, have nothing to do with you.

yep tell her straight you dont want to know. its nothing to do with you. she could be trying to set teh OP up to be a gossip and go head back to teh boss and squell.

best bet just ignore her.

doolox

Do not let her get to you. This is the female equivalent of the bump in the shoulder, tripping one up tactic carried out by schoolboys and immature jealous work colleagues in male workplaces. Very hard to prove or get rid of the bullying behaviour in women because of the lack of visual evidence so that others can stick up for you. You need to be very disciplined and stick to work related stuff only and do not be drawn on the rights and wrongs of what looks like being a very difficult and dangerous liaison between your colleague and the boss.

Do not get involved in this in any way.

savvyav

Thanks for the advice- I think keeping my mouth shut and not venturing an opinion is probably the best solution, especially out here where things work very differently than at home. I've never been in a situation before where my work and home life have been tangled up so much and where I have spent so much time with the one person...and I completely agree her little obsession should be nothing to do with me, but when someone is constantly harping on about it at home becomes an issue. I tried telling her I don't like talking about work at home but that didn't stop so maybe a more direct approach is needed....thanks again!

Phantasos

You have to mentally divide this co-worker's private life from your work life in your brain.

Ignore her ramblings, don't engage with her when she brings up this boss in conversation. Hopefully you can get your own place in January and put her boss-obsession out of your head and forget it. It would be inappropriate and completely sh1t-stirring to mention her private 'boss time' with anyone else. Ignore it.

tenifan

Typical nonsense I suppose. Can happen in any company but NGOs can be a bit special.
Ignore her comments.
Keep out of it.
Do your work.

smurfjed

I guessing that you are in an Islamic country, therefore i would say that you should keep your mouth shut, its not an issue that you or your NGO will want to have the local authorities get involved in.

cerastes

Keep plugging away, you might not be thanked for reporting something like that and some may think it could go far worse, maybe even lose the position you've earned.
Play your cards close, dont let on you're concerned, or if you want to make out you are, to sow some doubt and fear, feign and express concern that she should be cautious in case anyone finds out, although that might sound like a veiled threat and put her guard up or maybe even have her get the knives out for you, or you could express that sentiment to others and let them spread it, feigned genuine concern, or if someone knows you dont like her, feigned disapproval/concern.

I didnt get involved in backstabbing or nasty stuff myself, but sometimes that seems to leave you open to attack and I learned after experience how nasty some people can be, either through their own insecurity or because they are willing to stand on whomever to get where they want, no matter how little that elevates or seems to elevate them, either in their eyes or others or just becuase they are plain cnuts with nothing better to do than play games.
Still might be better to keep shtumpf at least to the extent of not being bitter about it to others, as that might make you appear negative and resentful.

She might be seen as useful for the moment for whatever reasons she is useful, but could be seen to be an inconvenient reminder and potential liability and might be left out to dry later on.

Donald73

Honestly the way this comes across to me is that it is totally false, she has no outside relationship with the boss at ALL. She was obviously jealous that you got offered the promotion and (IMO) thought that maybe you slept your way to the top. Then she probably thought she would wind you up by pretending to be as 'friendly' with him and saying that she went places with him, maybe hoping to trip you up into admitting that you did too or she could have thought that you would feel 'scorned' by him for her and your 'jealousy' would cause you to tell her the truth of your promotion...or would cause you to raise havoc in the job and get you dismissed thus leaving the way clear to her taking the position.

Whatever she is doing, it would be wise to distance yourself from her as much as possible as when this all blows up - which it will if she is going around indiscreetly spreading these rumours about herself and the boss - then you as friend of hers might be also (unfairly) tarred with the same brush. If there is any way you could change rooms I would do this. If not then just work with her and socialise with her as little as possible. You could even say to her that what she told you has shocked you, that it goes very much against your own beliefs and principles and that she's not the person you thought she was - this might backfire though and make her more erratic. At any rate I would tell her not to be telling me these things as I don't approve of what she and he are doing if I were you and doubly so in the country you are living in.