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Reengaging with my emotions

  • 23-09-2014 8:41pm
    #1
    IamtheWalrus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,075 ✭✭✭


    I was bullied for years in school and later life. To handle the bullying, I used to stamp out my emotions, take the stuff people were doing to be and move on. This meant I suppressed my true feelings. I'm 32 and I am in my 3rd year of therapy. My therapist says I need to get back in touch with my emotions. The only feelings I have are anger and fear.

    Does anyone know of any good resources I could use to reengage?

    Have any of you had similar experiences?


Comments

  • #2
    Rubberchikken
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,095 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    Has your therapist made any suggestions as to how you could reengage your emotions?

    I'm sorry you experienced bullying and glad you're trying to get it behind you. I'm not able to come up eith anything concrete for you but i wish you well.


  • #3
    endacl
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,412 ✭✭✭✭endacl


    If the dominant feelings are anger and fear, then thats where you go, if you feel able. Your therapist is ready for it when you are.


  • #4
    Semele
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 753 ✭✭✭Semele


    Why not try mindfulness? There are a lot of free resources available, but the best book I can recommend (as a psychologist with experience in the area) is this:

    http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-practical-guide-finding-frantic/dp/074995308X

    It also comes with a cd of exercises. Mindfulness is a skill that takes effort, so may feel boring or actually unpleasant at first, but is very beneficial to self awareness and wellbeing. The book explains brilliantly how it can help you become aware of, understand and accept your feelings.


  • #5
    IamtheWalrus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,075 ✭✭✭IamtheWalrus


    Rubberchikken wrote: »
    Has your therapist made any suggestions as to how you could reengage your emotions?

    He says that when I get an emotion, I should continue to feel and explore it instead of suppressing it but it's difficult. My suppression of feelings is automatic now.


  • #6
    IamtheWalrus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,075 ✭✭✭IamtheWalrus


    Semele wrote: »
    Why not try mindfulness? There are a lot of free resources available, but the best book I can recommend (as a psychologist with experience in the area) is this:

    http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-practical-guide-finding-frantic/dp/074995308X

    It also comes with a cd of exercises. Mindfulness is a skill that takes effort, so may feel boring or actually unpleasant at first, but is very beneficial to self awareness and wellbeing. The book explains brilliantly how it can help you become aware of, understand and accept your feelings.

    I have read a Mindfulness book once. Practicing does help settle my busy mind but how would it help me with my emotions?


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  • #7
    Semele
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 753 ✭✭✭Semele


    You've described shutting yourself off from your emotions for years. It's not as easy as saying "right, I'm going to start feeling things now". With ongoing mindfulness practice you relinquish the idea of control over your feelings, thus creating space for them to reemerge. As you will know, the basic premise of mindfulness is to become aware, by observing without judgement. It gets equated with relaxation in most common understanding, but it's so much more really. The best description I have heard is that mindfulness is like "falling awake"!

    The book I recommended is based in mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT) so differs in some respects from the pure Buddhist practice of mindfulness and explicitly addresses things like cognitions.
    https://www.bps.org.uk/events/mbct-clinical-applications-anxiety-and-depression

    I think that therapy is really the best way to explore your feelings, but it certainly wouldn't hurt to create space for them in your own time also. Emotional defences take a long time to break down, but over time you will become more familiar with subtle (and not so subtle!) shifts in your emotional state and be able to recognise and name these.


  • #8
    Semele
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 753 ✭✭✭Semele


    IamtheWalrus wrote: »
    He says that when I get an emotion, I should continue to feel and explore it instead of suppressing it but it's difficult. My suppression of feelings is automatic now.

    Just saw this- this is exactly what I mean! Mindfulness teaches you to relinquish the need to respond to an emotion. It teaches you to experience what is happening without judging or trying to change it. Anyway, I really recommend the book I mentioned, as it goes far beyond basic mindfulness exercises that you would find online that are more about relaxation.


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