Difficulty talking

Donnielighto

Hi All,

I've had issues before where once I feel like I amn't achieving as I should it puts me into a downward spiral. My problem with this is the feelings of hopelessness and lack of motivation and all that comes with it seem self evident to me after a point but I can't shake the sense of drift.

Any time I try to talk to someone about it I feel like an idiot before the conversation starts. I nearly broke down there a few minutes ago and then rang a friend of mine but hung up after 3 rings.

Worst thing is that I know I'm capable of doing stuff about it but feel so fragile the whole time. I don't think anyone knows what I'm going through and I wouldn't feel right putting this on anyone else (here is different as people choose to engage you back).

I have an overwhelming sense of disconnect or something, I can't even identify it properly.

Any advice?

Donnielighto

Just as an aside, time seems kinda mess up of late as well. Things yesterday feel much long ago and so on.

SkunkyDoodle

Donnielighto wrote: »

Hi All,

I've had issues before where once I feel like I amn't achieving as I should it puts me into a downward spiral. My problem with this is the feelings of hopelessness and lack of motivation and all that comes with it seem self evident to me after a point but I can't shake the sense of drift.

Any time I try to talk to someone about it I feel like an idiot before the conversation starts. I nearly broke down there a few minutes ago and then rang a friend of mine but hung up after 3 rings.

Worst thing is that I know I'm capable of doing stuff about it but feel so fragile the whole time. I don't think anyone knows what I'm going through and I wouldn't feel right putting this on anyone else (here is different as people choose to engage you back).

I have an overwhelming sense of disconnect or something, I can't even identify it properly.

Any advice?

Hi Op,

How long has this been going on?

I understand it can be difficult to speak go a friend or family member but would you consider speaking to your GP about how you're feeling?

bedlamaticable

Try taking things one step at a time, sometimes when we look at things all together they can seem much worse than if you break them down into steps you're ready to manage.

You may find it easier talking to a doctor or a counsellor about how you're feeling, sometimes that's much easier than it being someone you know and you're able to say things without the fear of being judged.

In relation to time feeling off - how is your sleep pattern? Are you sleeping a reasonable number of hours throughout the night?

Think about why you feel you have underachieved, is it because you are comparing yourself to others your age or other reasons?

Donnielighto

SkunkyDoodle wrote: »

Hi Op,

How long has this been going on?

I understand it can be difficult to speak go a friend or family member but would you consider speaking to your GP about how you're feeling?

Thanks. To be honest I don't know how long it's being going on. I only realised that I was feeling this way properly about 2 or 3 weeks ago but I think it's been going on much long, like about 8/9 months to be honest.

bedlamaticable wrote: »

Try taking things one step at a time, sometimes when we look at things all together they can seem much worse than if you break them down into steps you're ready to manage.

You may find it easier talking to a doctor or a counsellor about how you're feeling, sometimes that's much easier than it being someone you know and you're able to say things without the fear of being judged.

In relation to time feeling off - how is your sleep pattern? Are you sleeping a reasonable number of hours throughout the night?

Think about why you feel you have underachieved, is it because you are comparing yourself to others your age or other reasons?

Thanks. I usually sleep around 4/5 hours a night, spend longer in bed but I don't get to sleep for a long while. To be honest even starting this thread has helped (short term anyway). When I'm in conversation with people I don't feel this as much so it makes discussing issues more difficult. This extends to short intense moments of anxiety (i think) that I cant remember what was causing the issue 30 seconds later.

Rubberchikken

are you working or in college at the moment? tbh it would be worth while talking to your gp if you could.

take care

DavyD_83

Donnielighto wrote: »

Hi All,

I've had issues before where once I feel like I amn't achieving as I should it puts me into a downward spiral. My problem with this is the feelings of hopelessness and lack of motivation and all that comes with it seem self evident to me after a point but I can't shake the sense of drift.

Any time I try to talk to someone about it I feel like an idiot before the conversation starts. I nearly broke down there a few minutes ago and then rang a friend of mine but hung up after 3 rings.

Worst thing is that I know I'm capable of doing stuff about it but feel so fragile the whole time. I don't think anyone knows what I'm going through and I wouldn't feel right putting this on anyone else (here is different as people choose to engage you back).

I have an overwhelming sense of disconnect or something, I can't even identify it properly.

Any advice?

You're definitely not alone in the feelings of disconnect, and the feelings of fragility regards fixing it. Sounds like you're describing my state of mind for about 8 yrs pretty accurately.
The best advice I can give is to talk to somebody. For me, it was easier and more valuable to talk to a counsellor than to friends and family;
I found it difficult enough to say what I meant to a counsellor too, but even trying to verbalize things will help you to think your way through stuff a little better. When talking to family etc there is always the fear of bringing them down, making it their problem, or simply telling them something you don't mean/want to.
If you are in college or have health insurance, see if there is any support available, where you can get a couple of sessions for free. I found these services great because I was assigned somebody rather than choosing from a list.
Above is based on my own experiences, and I fully acknowledge that different people need to approach things differently. But from my experience and all the advice I've seen on here and elsewhere, the first step for most people is reaching out by making an appointment to talk to somebody.
There are other volunteer run, or free services out there too (should come up if you Google counselling in your area); I would try provide specific ones that I have heard were great, but no phone and can't think of names right now.

Ave Sodalis

OP, I know exactly how you feel. I am not a talker, I'm a bottler. I bottle everything and hide it away because I'd feel awful if I were to bother someone else with my problems. I've tried talking before and felt sick before I got the words out. So I kept everything to myself until recently. In the last few months, I've become an angry person. Now this is coming from what was formerly a very patient person. I don't know what caused it but I had an odd feeling it was due to something I had bottled down the line. It was starting to affect my relationships so I made the extremely difficult decision to go to a councillor last week. I had never ever been to one before and hated the idea of going. I hated talking and hated crying in front of people even more. I know it's the right thing to do, if I want to save my relationship from myself, despite how hard it is. I would recommend you do the same.

gaynorvader

The only thing that worked for me was to set goals and separate them into short term and long term goals. The goals can be as easy as applying for 3 jobs in one day or going to all your college classes one day or learning how to sew or walking 5km. Long term might be something like save up for a car or get a degree in something or get a job, then break it down to smaller short term goals. Save 10e a week, spend an hour a day looking at college courses, apply for 3 jobs each day, etc.

Donnielighto

sup_dude wrote: »

OP, I know exactly how you feel. I am not a talker, I'm a bottler. I bottle everything and hide it away because I'd feel awful if I were to bother someone else with my problems. I've tried talking before and felt sick before I got the words out. So I kept everything to myself until recently. In the last few months, I've become an angry person. Now this is coming from what was formerly a very patient person. I don't know what caused it but I had an odd feeling it was due to something I had bottled down the line. It was starting to affect my relationships so I made the extremely difficult decision to go to a councillor last week. I had never ever been to one before and hated the idea of going. I hated talking and hated crying in front of people even more. I know it's the right thing to do, if I want to save my relationship from myself, despite how hard it is. I would recommend you do the same.

I skyped a friend that I knew wouldn't have an issue with it, we're very close and she's very open minded, also I gave her the option of not doin it. She's very non judgemental but not phony or bullshitty as well which was a big thing. It has really helped, got a load of sleep last night and all

Donnielighto

gaynorvader wrote: »

The only thing that worked for me was to set goals and separate them into short term and long term goals. The goals can be as easy as applying for 3 jobs in one day or going to all your college classes one day or learning how to sew or walking 5km. Long term might be something like save up for a car or get a degree in something or get a job, then break it down to smaller short term goals. Save 10e a week, spend an hour a day looking at college courses, apply for 3 jobs each day, etc.

I started that alright, this thread was one of the first. I'm not sure if the goals thing is helping sort things or just masking them by keeping me busy and out of my head but at least short term I'm handling it better.

ghogie91

OP i definately had the same feelings at the beginning of this year

It all came to a head one day when my motivation to get up dropped to 0, it took a couple of days to realise i needed to talk to someone and as good as my household is to me, they didnt understand, it was a cop yourself on answer i would get

I am an athletic and intelligent person who eventually stopped challenging myself in sport and intellectually.

Funny thing about it is i had no idea i had spiralled and for so long. 8 to 10 months had gone by of this without me even realising

I would have always been a listener and never had the need to talk. On this particular day i did need to talk but needed a new person to talk to.

I have to admit it was scary and i tried talking myself out of going to the GP but after 15 mins of unloading all my feelings to her and her actually understanding where i came from without any judgement or preconception i felt better.

I continued this process for a while and i am glad to say its manageable

Most important thing i have learned from the experience is to talk, that people are more understanding than you lead yourself to believe, others who think feelings and emotions are a taboo subject can chsnge their views and you always have to make sure that YOU are happy, once you are happy then nothing can phase you. You end up on top of the mountain rather than looking up the slant

Mind yourself and try something new when your on a down day, something that makes you feel personally silly, as hard as it is, one 5 minute giggle can get you up for the day personally i used lifehack videos from youtube and just trying the cool solutions to every day little conundrums.