Too Much Baggage

LegacyUser

Hi Guys

need a bit of advice.

Been seeing a girl for a few months now and everything was going great. We have a lot in common and are similar in a lot of ways. When we meet up we always have a great laugh and after are both always looking forward to the next time we see each other.

This girl has had a tough time the last few years which i know all about. A lot of drama with previous relationships and family. And a lot is going on in her life at the moment too.I know most of whats gone on and am understanding about everything.

The last time we met up she wanted to know what did I want from the relationship as in to make it official or was it just fun. I told her that I wasn't seeing anyone else or texting anybody else and that it was too early really to say but that I really do like her and that I would like to commit to a relationship with her. She responded that she would really like to be with me and its the first time that a guy has treated her so well but is afraid that she would bring me down with her baggage and that i deserved better. We kind of left it like that and havent spoken in a day or too.

I really do like this girl and i think she feels the same way. I dont know think this is an excuse as I know whats going on with her. Do i leave it like it is, let her clear her head and hopefully further down the line try again or do i try and show her that i do want her now?

CaraMay

Ah sod that. She is playing with you. She asks where it's going and then says that she can't do the who relationship thing. In fairness she shouldn't be in a new relationship until she had her head sorted. Let her off til she deals with her baggage.

b_mac2

CaraMay wrote: »

Ah sod that. She is playing with you. She asks where it's going and then says that she can't do the who relationship thing. In fairness she shouldn't be in a new relationship until she had her head sorted. Let her off til she deals with her baggage.

CaraMay just nailed it right there. She sounds like an absolute head wreck of a girl. Forget her.

LegacyUser

OP i would bet that she only said those comments as your response to her comittment question was so vague and unenthusiastic. She most likely thinks that you are not as interested in her as she is in you. She would only have asked you to commit if she was serious about you, and your response was not very serious in return. It was kinda 'ah , i like you but we'll see...', so then she says 'oh, well, maybe i need to go and sort my own stuff out anyway'. She said it to maintain some dignity, most likely, rather than have you know how disappointing the response was. (now, i could be wrong, this is just how it looks to me)

LegacyUser

cestmavie wrote: »

OP i would bet that she only said those comments as your response to her comittment question was so vague and unenthusiastic. She most likely thinks that you are not as interested in her as she is in you. She would only have asked you to commit if she was serious about you, and your response was not very serious in return. It was kinda 'ah , i like you but we'll see...', so then she says 'oh, well, maybe i need to go and sort my own stuff out anyway'. She said it to maintain some dignity, most likely, rather than have you know how disappointing the response was. (now, i could be wrong, this is just how it looks to me)

Yeah this. Or alternatively this could be her way of getting out of the relationship. It's either or in my opinion.

retro:electro

cestmavie wrote: »

OP i would bet that she only said those comments as your response to her comittment question was so vague and unenthusiastic. She most likely thinks that you are not as interested in her as she is in you. She would only have asked you to commit if she was serious about you, and your response was not very serious in return. It was kinda 'ah , i like you but we'll see...', so then she says 'oh, well, maybe i need to go and sort my own stuff out anyway'. She said it to maintain some dignity, most likely, rather than have you know how disappointing the response was. (now, i could be wrong, this is just how it looks to me)

Or maybe she was hoping he would say ah sure it's only a bit of fun so she wouldn't end up looking like the bad guy.

LegacyUser

Run for the hills. Been there, done that. This whole "I've too much baggage" is the get out clause. She doesn't want a relationship, when you get too invested she'll reiterate the same. Relationships shouldn't be that hard, there should be no fight for committment if both parties are equally interested. If she believes her baggage is too much it will become a self fulfilling prophecy no matter how understanding and accepting you are. When she decides to split it will be an "I told you so" and blaming the baggage.

LegacyUser

I beg to differ here.
Maybe she actually really cares so much that she's concerned that drawing you in to her drama or baggage might be too much of an ask for you.
I know that's how I think....
And I'm guessing she may have been looking for reassurance ?
If you want her, tell her.... She seems to have opened up to you about her fears...

TheBeardedLady

I'd be wary of someone that uses the term "baggage" instead of "problems" or "troubles" like the rest of us. It screams drama imo.

CaraMay

Clickheretologin wrote: »

I beg to differ here.
Maybe she actually really cares so much that she's concerned that drawing you in to her drama or baggage might be too much of an ask for you.
...

We'll then if she isn't in a place where she can contain and handle the baggage from her past, she should not be going into a new relationship. She is not ready and she will end up playing with his mind.

Soft Falling Rain

There's no general rule, some people that mention baggage are head wreckers, while others are genuinely fearful of their baggage hurting a new relationship. OP you'll only find out which side she lies on if you continue to explore the relationship. Whether you want to is the question.

Queen-Mise

Soft Falling Rain wrote: »

There's no general rule, some people that mention baggage are head wreckers, while others are genuinely fearful of their baggage hurting a new relationship. OP you'll only find out which side she lies on if you continue to explore the relationship. Whether you want to is the question.

I read your opening post OP as the second of the above. She doesn't seem to be looking for sympathy, creating drama, etc, etc.

If the stuff she is going through or dealing with is fairly serious, then her comment is a legitimate concern.

It is up to you to decide which she meant or was she game playing.

diveout

She possibly wanted reassurance from you that you were not scared of it and going to bail when it got a little tough.

Strange that she called it baggage. Some lives are more complicated than others and sometimes its temporary and sometimes it's not.

I wouldn't necessarily assume a mind game here. Sounds like bad communication on both parties.

Bafucin

Reassure her that you are a big boy and not wet behind the ears. So long as she treats you well and you like each other let her know you are not afraid of life.

You know everyone has stuff. Life happens, family passes or does stuff at least you have each other to get through it.