Feelings for married colleague

clair75

Hi, i'm new to posting but have regularly looked at other threads.
I've got myself into a difficult situation over the last 6 - 12 months with a work colleague. We're both married (and i consider myself very happily married) but due to working closely together on a project we've developed a very close friendship and there is a very definite attraction and spark there which has taken us both by surprise. We've had chats about it and both agree that we'd be foolish to let anything happen but as time goes on i'm liking him more and more and i'm fairly certain it's mutual. Neither of us has ever cheated on our partners before and both of us have young families and fully realise the devastation we could cause if anything did happen but the problem is that we're in such regular contact that he's on my mind an awful lot. My husband and i have a great relationship and i know for a fact he would never think for a second i'd have feelings for somebody else and i feel terrible for not being able to forget about my colleague. Changing jobs is not an option for either of us.

Thanks in advance for any advice

Tokyo

It sounds like you are playing with fire, and had gone beyond the point of just being a 'spark', and far closer to the point where you have both at least discussed the possibility of cheating on your respective partners, and in this case, if either of you want to save your marriages then you're going to have to establish some sort of distance between yourselves.

You say that changing jobs isn't an option - is changing departments or roles with the workplace a possibility?

lazybones32

Stop willfully thinking about him in this way and when you find yourself drifting off in a fantasy, check your thoughts and either think of something else or focus on how you can strengthen and deepen the bond with your husband.

Feelings come from thoughts; change your thoughts and you will change your feelings. Not easy but true.

Candy_Girl

If you have such a great relationship with your husband then start working on bringing back that excitement and spark back into it. Why are you so tempted by this guy? is it the trill of something new? he makes you feel wanted/sexy? Is there something missing from your marriage that you're looking to find else where?

Take a step back and ask yourself these questions because if you decide to act on your feelings for this guy you could cause a lot of hurt to your loved ones.

LegacyUser

OP, when you say feelings, do you mean you're in love with your colleague or you just fancy a roll in the hay with them?

I ask because my advice would be quite different depending on which scenario you're dealing with. Mostly because sexual feelings, albeit, intense can be fleeting and superficial and likely to pass in time. Whereas, deeper emotional feelings of love sometimes last forever unfortunately

mrty

Stay clear.

MsMayhem

clair75 wrote: »

fully realise the devastation we could cause

I suggest when you start to think of this colleague you turn your mind to your husband and family and the hurt you would cause them. This isn't something that has happened to you, you have control over your thoughts and feelings, so this is a choice. Do the right thing

Stavro Mueller

clair75 wrote: »

... due to working closely together on a project we've developed a very close friendship and there is a very definite attraction and spark there which has taken us both by surprise. We've had chats about it and both agree that we'd be foolish to let anything happen but as time goes on I'm liking him more and more and I'm fairly certain it's mutual. Neither of us has ever cheated on our partners before and both of us have young families and fully realise the devastation we could cause if anything did happen but the problem is that we're in such regular contact that he's on my mind an awful lot. ..

From this I'm assuming that the pair of you have had conversations about this. I would suggest you talk about this again and decide to cool things so that nothing happens. No lunches together, no friendly chats, no texts/emails/messages of a personal nature etc. Try to get your relationship back to a professional one only.

And also, as the others have suggested, try to revive things with your own husband. Have things gone a bit stale? Very easy to happen when you've a job and kids and a house etc.

blueb

Whatever you do ... dont go on a work night out if he is there... alcohol will wash away those feelings of responsibility to your hubby and family,

Magicmatilda

When you got married, you made a committment. Committment is easy when there is no temptation, what is happening is that your committment to your husband and your family is being tested.

Marraiges last 30/40/50 years not because partners never felt this way but because they never act on it. They honour their committment.

By discussing this with the guy in question you have created a common bond, a little secret that just you two are in on. That is very, very dangerous.

Can you discuss this with your husband? He may have gone through similar or he may in future. I am not suggesting that you say -I fancy X and X fancies me, but you could say that you are finding yourself tempted lately and don't want to act on it, that would break the power of this secret you have created.

As for not changing jobs, why not? is your job really more important than the stability of your family?

As someone else said this has not happened to you, you have some control and you exercise that every time you engage with this person or the fantatsy of them.

LegacyUser

Magicmatilda wrote: »

Can you discuss this with your husband? He may have gone through similar or he may in future. I am not suggesting that you say -I fancy X and X fancies me, but you could say that you are finding yourself tempted lately and don't want to act on it, that would break the power of this secret you have created.

Jesus, don't do this. So far you've been tempted and have strayed into emotional infidelity. It's wrong, but harmless so long as you take it no further and takes steps to roll back from where you are now. If you tell your husband, you'll be making it a far bigger problem and probably destroying the trust and, eventually, maybe even your marriage.

I'm no fan of how you've behaved, but it's human and understandable and there's no harm done, unless you take it further or make it your husband's problem too.

skallywag

Perhaps I am wrong, but reading into the tone of your post it seems to me that you have almost resigned yourself to the fact that something is going to happen, and even seem a little excited about that whole prospect of it.

If you really do value your family life then you need to get decoupled from this chap ASAP. You most likely know this already yourself, but the fact that you state that finding a new job is not an option may point to the fact that you are not taking this seriously enough.

Colser

Hi Op...Im very surprised that you have discussed this with your colleague..How did that even happen? If you only see him in work Im wondering how the fact that there is an attraction came up in conversation.Has something physical actually happened already?

I also find your tone strange in that you say you love your husband/family ect. yet you seem to be implying that you are being drawn to this man and that there is nothing you can do about it..

IMO most of us have had occasions when we could see that something like this might occur in work/social life ect. but we just havent gone there(of course plenty have).You can stop this at any time if you really want to or you can carry on and either suffer the consequences or reap the rewards(I know which scenario is more likely to happen and so do you Id bet).

To be very honest with you if I though my OH was in work and behaving with his colleague the way you and your colleague are behaving I would actually consider it cheating and might walk from the relationship(I probably would to be honest). Dont be giving yourselves a pat on the back for resisting temptation as I think what is taking place and been discussed between you is very nasty to both your partners anyway.


Sorry if this sounds harsh Op its just my own opinion ...good luck

stuboy01

Personally, when I go to work I leave the personal aspect at home. I talk to my colleagues but I don't get emotionally involved with them as much as possible. I do not view them as friends, I don't mean that in a bad way, but i view them as colleagues not mates.
having said that sometimes something can just hit you and you click, which is what i presume happened to you here. You're just going to have to take a step back. as another poster here said, no lunches together, chit chats etc. keep it professional unless you want to live with the consequences.

LegacyUser

OP, a while ago, I posted here looking for help about my suspicions about my OH having an inappropriate relationship with a work colleague.

It was a full blown emotional affair. Nothing physical had happened, yet. The penny dropped for me very suddenly one day. He had hidden all of the shared lunches, after work time spent together, the coffee breaks, the shared cars during business trips. I just realised the truth one day. It shattered my world and broke my heart. I had done nothing to deserve it. I was always there, being loving and supportive while he took me for a fool.

We are having relationship counselling now. It took a long time for him to understand what he had actually done and the enormity of it. He honestly thought that because nothing physical had happened, I was blowing it all out of proportion. I was and still am so angry that he put himself in that position. He has ruined a relationship that was brilliant because his head was turned by someone at work who was so much better at understanding how clever and important he was.

I doubt that we will ever recover what we had. If he tells me that he will be stopping at the shop on the way home from work I question it. If he goes to play golf I question it. It has changed everything.

He was advised to cut contact. No lunches, no coffee, no chats, nothing. Everything had to be done in a professional way, like he would with a normal colleague. He isn't going to any work functions at all. None. I do not trust him and I suspect that he doesn't trust himself.

What you are doing is wrong. Step back and take a good look at yourself. Think about the implications for your family, your home and your career. He won't be affected at work but if you think you won't be judged, you are delusional. Be a professional and do your job. Nothing more.

skallywag

On the otherside wrote: »

...He had hidden all of the shared lunches, after work time spent together, the coffee breaks, the shared cars during business trips. I just realised the truth one day. It shattered my world and broke my heart...

If he had not hidden this shared time together from you, would you have have still felt the same way? e.g. if he had been up front about getting on well with someone in the workplace, etc.

clair75

Thanks for replies and I fully agree I'm playing with fire however it all started harmlessly with a bit of banter and now unintentionally there is a serious chemistry between us and I'm deeply confused and would love to rewind the last few months. Nothing physical has happened but we have had chats about our friendship and have tried to take a step back from each other but in no time we're back to flirting and joking together, it's a very easy friendship but I know it's wrong. I admit i'd be very upset if my husband had a similar friendship with another girl but i genuinely didn't set out
for this to happen. My marriage is by no means stale and we have a great sex life and always make time for each other without the kids around full time. It's not a black and white situation but it is tormenting me and this other man is on my mind way too much for it to be healthy.

Tokyo

clair75 wrote: »

...I'm deeply confused and would love to rewind the last few months...

...have tried to take a step back from each other but in no time we're back to flirting and joking together...

...t is tormenting me and this other man is on my mind way too much for it to be healthy.

I don't usually put things so bluntly but I feel that in this case, it's warranted. If you want to keep your marriage and your family intact, then the half assed attempts at staying away from each other aren't going to cut it. As you said yourself it's all too easy, and before long you're back flirting with each other again. I'm sure that the situation isn't black and white, but unfortunately your choices are.

1. Summon up the willpower to stay away from this guy - permanently.
2. One of you change departments within your workplace so you're no longer working in close proximity to each other.
3. One of you find a new job.

skallywag

clair75 wrote: »

...we have had chats about our friendship and have tried to take a step back from each other...

This is what stands out to me. The fact that you two are even having such discussions is pushing you perilously close to an event horizon beyond which you will never be able to return.

You need to take ownership here OP, if you just sit back and let things progress then you yourself will be to blame, and no amount of ''oh I never meant for this to happen" will cut it I'm afraid.

WinnyThePoo

You have to think whats important to you op. Your life, your husband, your kids or a possible short term fling that will end in devastation. It will in end devastation for both of you, if you act.

CaraMay

Op you still haven't answered earlier questions about how these chats started. It's also not very clear what advice you are looking for. You know you need to stay away from this guy but you won't, not can't, won't!!

Tbh it all sounds so sleazy to me. You are sleeping away with your husband while flirting and engaging with another man. I really can't see how you can look your husband in the eye nevermind sleep with him

It's obvious you are going to go ahead with this fling. Friends of mine have made similar choices because they just 'couldn't' stop it. They have lost everything including their own self respect. Good luck op. You are going to need it.

blacklilly

OP it sounds to me that you don't truely value your husband or childen or maybe the family unit you have committed to.

You sound a little blasé about your current circumstances. You mention you've had chats with this other man about your feelings, the only person you should be disclosing any feelings to is your husband, the man you committed to.

I think maybe you are not considering the full consquences of your thoughts and you are perhaps excited about the possibility of something happening between you and this other man.

You are married, he is married, both of you made a committment to other people. Not only are you putting your families happiness at jeopardy, you are also putting the happiness of someone else wife and family on the line.

Your current thoughts are selfish and self centered. Step away and saty away from this other man.

LegacyUser

skallywag wrote: »

If he had not hidden this shared time together from you, would you have have still felt the same way? e.g. if he had been up front about getting on well with someone in the workplace, etc.

If he was sure that it was all above board, he wouldn't have hidden it. He has admitted it. He didn't want me to know just how much time he spent with her because he was guilty that he spent more time with her than me every single day that he could. He has in the past gotten on very well with people at work and has never hidden it. The deceit and the secrets have completely destroyed my trust.

Magicmatilda

clair75 wrote: »

Thanks for replies and I fully agree I'm playing with fire however it all started harmlessly with a bit of banter and now unintentionally there is a serious chemistry between us and I'm deeply confused and would love to rewind the last few months. Nothing physical has happened but we have had chats about our friendship and have tried to take a step back from each other but in no time we're back to flirting and joking together, it's a very easy friendship but I know it's wrong. I admit i'd be very upset if my husband had a similar friendship with another girl but i genuinely didn't set out
for this to happen. My marriage is by no means stale and we have a great sex life and always make time for each other without the kids around full time. It's not a black and white situation but it is tormenting me and this other man is on my mind way too much for it to be healthy.

Whether you set out or not is not the issue. Whether you intended this to happen is not the issue. The issue is that it has happened and now you have to do something about it.

Tell me how would you feel if your mother did this to your father and pulled apart your family? That is what you are doing to your children if you do not act to get out of this situation.

You are an adult and you have control over yur actions.

Why can you not change jobs?

jdsk2006

Lets roll forward here a little shall we. Lets just imagine ye have embarked upon an affair, its "true love" and ye have left yer spouses and started a new life together. (Don't know if ypur following fair city but last nights episode might give you food for thought!!)

Its yer first xmas together and its gonna be perfect, your so excited puttin up that first tree together. Except the reality is much much different than you imagined. You wave off your kids to spend time with dad, meanwhile his ex won't allow their kids within an asses roar of the woman who broke their family, so he heads off early in the afternoon to spend time with his family and there you find yourself all alone.
All together again in the evening, your kids all cuddled up beside you watchin the christmas movie, and you can't help but notice how utterly lost and heartbroken your new partner appears. Most likely you start to question does he regret givin up what he had for you.........tense xmas all round. Meanwhile, Ye are too wrapped up in yourselves to notice how sad and torn yer kids feel in the midst of all this highly emotionally charged environment

communions, confirmations, school plays, family weddings ......the list is endless and there is literally no running away to wipe yhe slate clean where there are kids involved. The passion could be quickly killed under financial strain of ye supporting 3 households between ye.
I know you will probably dismiss my post as pessimism of the highest order but i think your missing the bigger picture here and need a major reality check.

userod

clair75 wrote: »

i consider myself very happily married

clair75 wrote: »

My husband and i have a great relationship

clair75 wrote: »

My marriage is by no means stale and we have a great sex life

If these sentences are true, you are making a serious mistake.

clair75 wrote: »

and fully realise the devastation we could cause if anything did happen

No. You clearly don't realise a thing. No idea. 0. If you do what I suspect you are about to do , then, you will realise the world of hurt and pain this will bring to many people (you included).

clair75 wrote: »

and have tried to take a step back from each other but in no time we're back to flirting and joking together

clair75 wrote: »

It's not a black and white situation but it is tormenting me and this other man is on my mind way too much for it to be healthy.

To be honest it sounds like you are going to go for this fling.

Even if you never tell your husband, pretty soon you will be saying this again:

clair75 wrote: »

would love to rewind the last few months.

Except you will mean it a hell of a lot more then.




Mark my words, you will regret this.

Stavro Mueller

Here's another thought to throw into the mix. What about your job? It's going to be very hard for the two of you to stay where you're working now if things go further and word gets out. I would be very surprised if your colleagues haven't noticed something going on between ye and that you're already the subject of office gossip. How do you feel about that?

Depending on what sort of area you work in, the damage to your professional reputation could be significant. If anything ever does happen between you and it doesn't end well, how do you propose to continue working alongside this man? You've said changing jobs isn't an option so what are you going to do if you find yourself needing to get another one because of the after effects of a fling?

LegacyUser

What does this guy have that your husband doesn't? What's so special that your family are secondary to this person?

I'm sure you think they aren't but in reality, you're prioritising your colleague over your family and you seem quite happy to be allowing yourself to -why?

Ask yourself

sReq | uTeK

So you have a great relationship with your husband, good sex and make time for each other and yet you're still contemplating an affair.

lost for ducking words I am.

LegacyUser

OP.
Leaving your jobs isn't an option, you say.
Well then you'll have to both limit the time you spend together.
Keep it exclusively to work task- avoid any other time together.
You're talking about learning to have incredible self controls & discipline.

Having a great relationship with your husband should make it easier to avoid this man- if you'd problems at home, every aspect of him would be more appealing and it more make an affair more attractive.

I'm a few months out of an affair.
It was fantastic while it lasted, but our spouses found out and it destroyed my marriage, his was saved but will never be the same.
Please believe me when I say it's just not worth it.
I lost so much,including thus man who'd been a friend.
Don't complicate your life for something which would be life altering forever.
Just not worth it.

The Friendly Newcomer

Distance yourself from your collegue if at all possible and try and find that spark with your husband.

Stavro Mueller

clair75 wrote: »

Thanks for replies and I fully agree I'm playing with fire however it all started harmlessly with a bit of banter and now unintentionally there is a serious chemistry between us and I'm deeply confused and would love to rewind the last few months. Nothing physical has happened but we have had chats about our friendship and have tried to take a step back from each other but in no time we're back to flirting and joking together, it's a very easy friendship but I know it's wrong. I admit i'd be very upset if my husband had a similar friendship with another girl but i genuinely didn't set out
for this to happen. My marriage is by no means stale and we have a great sex life and always make time for each other without the kids around full time. It's not a black and white situation but it is tormenting me and this other man is on my mind way too much for it to be healthy.

I don't think you're being honest with yourself here. Firstly, you and him are not friends. If neither of ye were married, things would probably have taken a decidedly non platonic turn by now. Secondly, you need to make this a very black and white issue. It's shading it with grey which is frying your head. Would it be fair to say your "friendship" is actually some sort of foreplay.

You say the pair of you are working together on a project. Would it be possible to ask for a third person to come in on it in some capacity (to be a sort of gooseberry)?

Ultimately though you are going to have to exercise some self-discipline if you aren't in a position to move departments or leave. It's like when someone needs to lose weight. They have to consciously avoid the foods which are making them fat even though they'd love nothing more than a bag of chips or a packet of biscuits. Nobody said self-discipline was easy..

djburchgrove

"Leaving your job isn't an option" - An absolute cop out of a statement if I've ever heard one.

Rarely would I judge someone putting up a post where they're looking for help... but you don't seem to be looking for help, you seem to be seeking justification.

Like other posters have said, I'm not sure exactly what you wan't to hear so I like others will be blunt.

Here is a list of things you are prioritising ahead of your Children's happiness (every other parent's 1st priority):

1. Yourself
2. Your Job
3. Your Man
4. Your Vagina
5. Your entertainment

... Spotting a trend here?

Here's a list of things that will be said about you eternally from the people who CARE ABOUT YOU the most (Friends and Family) if you do what I, and others here think what you're about to do:

1. Selfish B*tch
2. Sl*t
3. Terrible Mother
4. Homewrecker
5. A horrible human being

Probably the harshest reply I've ever put on a thread, but completely justified by the sounds of your situation.

HAND IN YOUR NOTICE TOMORROW OR RUIN YOUR KIDS LIVES FOREVER.

Semele

Nothing feeds attraction more than talking about it while not having actually done anything yet! This is especially true when something is "illicit". The more you and your colleague have conversations about your friendship and your feelings and how you can't let anything happen, the more involved you get and the more exciting it all becomes. You need to kill those conversations- they're not helpful. If you don't want to have an affair then don't. Spending time taking about not having an affair is a cop-out, because it feeds the feelings and allows you to bask in the excitement and heightened emotion of it all while still feeling reassured that you haven't done anything wrong.

Excitement is very motivating. All the cloak and dagger conversations, just skirting around the topic of how attracted you are, are undoubtedly much more exciting than your husband and conversations about household affairs. But don't equivocate the excitement with your feelings for the people involved. It's the excitement that is spurring your feelings for your work colleague. Be honest about it to yourself- maybe your relationship has become a bit stale and this is an opportunity to recognise and address that.

Buona Fortuna

Colser wrote: »

Ask to see him phone bills for last few months Op? Bet he will accuse you of not trusting him ect. ect. ...Thats what did it for me....

Have you been reading a different thread?

Colser

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

Have you been reading a different thread?

Thanks Buona..:o

LegacyUser

People who are happily married don't fall in love with someone else or contemplate cheating

Idle Passerby

As others have astutely pointed out, having romantic little chats with your "friend" about how much you both fancy each other sounds an awful lot like foreplay. You've already established an exciting secret together. You have already established a bond you do not want your respective spouses to be aware of. If the two of you were realistically intent on nipping this in the bud, one conversation and a cut to all ties would have been the outcome.

If you want to save your marriage, and keep it as the good marriage you say it is, you need to forget this friend of yours because you have already started cheating with him. The fact that the friendship is a secret and your discussing personal things you probably have no intention of telling your husband means you are already betraying your husband. Don't play down what it already is because you will find a way to justify every step to yourself until its found out and then there will be no going back.

Big Bag of Chips

Your colleagues are talking about you. Make no mistake. Maybe that makes it even more exciting?

I know people have said how would you feel if your husband was doing this... but I'd ask, how would you feel about another woman who knows your husband is married, knows he has kids etc but went ahead flirting with him anyway? Was posting a thread saying how she knows it's wrong, but she just can't help herself. She thinks of him far too much and deep feelings have developed for him.

I think you would hate her. You would probably somehow forgive your husband but you would hate that woman for the rest of your days.

I don't know if I'm generalising or not, but I think in situations like this, the man's marriage can survive as the women seem more willing to forgive, or maybe less willing to break up the family for the childrens' sake. Whereas the men seem to be better able to walk away from the marriage. Maybe the macho thing of not allowing someone to make a fool of him and get away with it. Your husband will most probably leave you, but his marriage will most probably stay together. (do either of you want to leave your spouses and set up home together?)

So you will be left being the woman that nobody really feels sorry for. People will feel sorry for your husband. They will feel sorry for his wife. They might even feel a little bit sorry for him, that he almost lost his family, but luckily his wife gave him another chance, and now he is trying so hard to prove he deserves that chance etc.. And they will think "she" deserves everything she gets. You, or he, will probably end up having to change jobs anyway.

It is of course possible to have an affair and get away with it. But, you will be depending on others not letting your spouses know. Others already know. And to be honest, others probably already think something has happened between you two. You are not being as discreet as you think you are. Offices are like goldfish bowls, (you work in one, so you probably know we all love a bit of gossip) and any hint of something a bit juicy will be jumped on immediately. And if there's no story, people will come up with their own versions anyway.

None of us stop fancying other people once we get married and have children. We are all capable of feeling attracted to others, and indeed we probably all at some stage have felt drawn to someone.. some go a step further and have an affair, some (most?) resist the temptation and realise what is at risk. You are dangerously close to taking that step. And regardless of what anyone here tells you, you will end up doing what you want.

Good luck, I just hope it doesn't get too messy.

FactCheck

Wundrinwhy wrote: »

People who are happily married don't fall in love with someone else or contemplate cheating

I don't think this is true. I think the drive to cheat comes more from immaturity or a kind of emotional incontinence. It's very possible for somebody to be on to a really good thing but ruin it for themselves through impulsiveness of lack of self-control (which can manifest itself in other ways as well as infidelity).

I think the OP should be very wary of going down the road of "my marriage must be terrible (and it's probably my husband's fault) because otherwise I wouldn't feel this way". That's a justification. If the marriage is bad, the right course is counselling followed by separation and a long period of singleness while they both focus on helping their children adjust. There is no room for grand romances in that.

LegacyUser

Nah ya can't pretend a marriage is great and fine and dandy when one party is emotionally involved with someone else.

A happy marriage is one where BOTH people love, respect and commit to each other. Right now, the OP can barely tick 2 of those 3 boxes.

Realising there's something wrong in a relationship isn't a green light to cheat but the first steps towards fixing a problem is admitting there is one.

If the OP was as happily married as she thinks she is then she wouldn't be on the verge of an affair and to suggest otherwise is just bullsh*t

OP, what is your marriage lacking and what can you do to fix it?

LynnGrace

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

None of us stop fancying other people once we get married and have children. We are all capable of feeling attracted to others, and indeed we probably all at some stage have felt drawn to someone.. some go a step further and have an affair, some (most?) resist the temptation and realise what is at risk. You are dangerously close to taking that step. And regardless of what anyone here tells you, you will end up doing what you want.

Good luck, I just hope it doesn't get too messy.

+1. I saw this happen with two former colleagues. It was well known, to be honest. He had small kids, she didn't. Someone mentioned upthread about alcohol bringing things into the open. Exactly. On a night out, the affair was revealed. I guess we all knew about it anyway, but it wasn't overt before that night.
Time moved on. She moved to another company, and as luck would have it, he ended up working for the same company, some months later. There is nothing left of the affair, except embarrassment, especially on her part. Her marriage is gone. His wife took him back.
In a long-winded way, what I'm saying is, please don't let this go any further. It will not end well.

clair75

Thanks for replies, many of you believe I choose to get myself into this pickle but please don't be so judgemental. It is not possible to turn on and off your feelings as easy as you suggest. I am a strong and intelligent and assure you that I'm trying to deal with this situation. I love my husband and kids with every fibre I have and if as 1 poster suggested I was thinking with my vagina I would be in the throes of a torrid affair but I absolutely do not want this. I'm considering one to one counselling to try and work through this problem but it's not as easy as many of you seem to think. The reason me and this man have spoken about our feelings is because I am a direct person and thought the best approach would be to discuss it with him as I'm not a fool and knew he was feeling the same. I am contracted into his organisation to complet a project with him and will be finished there mid next year but cannot afford to walk away from it before then. We work on our own with weekly input from his senior manager so I can assure you we are not the subject of any gossip. Thanks again for feedback but just wish it was as easy as most of you wrongly assume it is to deal with. Many thanks to all who private messaged me who are in similar situations and understand that this is not something I choose to let happen.

Taltos

clair75 wrote: »

...to all who private messaged me who are in similar situations and understand that this is not something I choose to let happen.

This is strictly against our charter and for good reason.
OP kindly report all such PMs.

We now have no option but to close this thread.

Taltos