Always obsessing about missed opportunities

LegacyUser

I have a big problem in my life right now in that I am always fretting about the things that I haven't achieved. Things I've missed out on. Things I should have done better. I get extremely sad about it.

It all started when my first love dumped me when I was 22 (i'm now 24). I looked back over the 3 years I was with her and had many regrets. I never interacted at college, never so much as joined a club. Thus I have no friends from college. I went out a lot with my class in the final year but by then it was too late to make lasting friendships.

I graduated and got a job in the previous 2 years since, but in lots of other areas i've made zero progress. I've never lived out of home while loads of people at my age have (I live close to college so I didn't see the need). I've never had a social circle of more than 4 or so friends (right now it's 3 at the most).

I spent my teenage years on a mixture of video games and porn, while never self-improving. Never joining a club or class of any sort. Never having girls as friends, so thus leading me to become an introverted, socially anxious shy guy with zero self-confidence. I always think i'm the only person like this.

I've taught myself guitar and travelled solo to Asia which I recognize are 2 good achievements but still, socially and sexually i'm failing miserably. I'm always thinking 24 is too late to have drastic improvement in any of the areas that matter to me - social, more sexual experience. I don't even have it in me to approach a girl though while sober. And I'll get a date online but then rationalize cancelling it before I go.

I'm thinking, if I have these many regrets at only 24 wtf will my life be like in 5 or 10 years. I possibly have a tendancy to look on the dark side of things but I feel tuck in an endless cycle of not improving in the areas I want to, while constantly obsessing over the past. I only recently blocked my ex on facebook because I was checking her page every 2 weeks. My head seems to be stuck in the past. Sorry for the long post but if anyone has any advice it'd be great. thanks.

TheSheriff

This sounds like me !!

I went through the exact same when I broke up with my ex two years ago! I felt like she was moving forward and I was stagnant!

All I can say is you have made the right move in blocking her on fb, consider blocking all her friends also -it reduces the chances youll spot something on your news feed.

At 25 now I have 4 good friends, and I am fairly happy with that being honest - these are people I know and know me very well. I know people who have huge social circles and sleet between groups but at the end of the day they have no close friends they can confide in.

Where are you based? In a city or a rural area?

ManOfMystery

24 is very young to be getting the "I could have been a contender" mindset.

You have a danger here that you will actually waste much of your life obsessing over time you feel you wasted. In 10 or 20 or 30 years I can guarantee you will have many more periods of reflection.

Very few of us go through life perfectly without thinking we would have done something different at some point. However, there is not a single person who can change the past so dwelling on it all too much is simply wasted energy. What you can do is learn from mistakes, and from things you aren't happy with. Do things differently. Be more open to seizing opportunities. Be pro-active and seek out what you want in life. You have to change your mindset from "I didn't do this" to "I can do this".

You can't change the past. You can change the future. It's that simple.

Next time you waste a half hour dwelling on how you might have tackled University differently, remind yourself that you could have just spent that half hour doing something productive - or arranging a date - or working out - etc.

Rubberchikken

for starters, 24 is barely out of nappies;)
less time spent dwelling on things you haven't done, and more time spent on doing is the way to go.

get involved in a local community project or sports group. it's a great way to widern your circle of friends, meet like-minded people and have a bit of fun.

good luck