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Missed Opportunities

  • 14-09-2014 1:31pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I am a guy in my late twenties and there is one hurdle I have never been able to get over and that is any sort of relations with women. I had more action (for the lack of a better word) in my teens then I have had in my twenties. For the most part I am happy with where I am with my life got decent degree, well paid job, pretty active and have decent social life but the lack anything going on the relations side gets me pretty down.

    Bit of history on me, I have Dyslexia and bit of a stammer (comes and goes) which I think lead to me to be extremely shy growing up. I started to come out my shell in secondary school but then I went to do a all male course in Uni and then after I went down a predominantly male career path. My social circle was then as a result all male and I was never interacting with women. My first job out of Uni while good for my career it was a disaster for me socially as in two years I had made only a handful of friends.

    So last year I got a new job in a different city and I made sure I was a lot more social so I joined football, tag rugby teams and started going to meetups. As a result I now have something on most nights, made loads of new friends and most importantly I am meeting women. But the problem I have now is that I can never force myself to become more than friends with any of them. It's like I was out sick that day in school when everyone else learned how to do it as my friends seem to be able to it with ease.

    Here is two examples of me not being able to bite the bullet
    Girl A: Known her a few months and every time I meet up with her she is always sitting/standing so close to me she is touching me and done a fair it of flirting. I've been texting her a fair bit and met up with her a few times with just the two of us. But I have never asked her out or anything of fear of rejection or it not working and making things awkward in our group. The group was out recently for my birthday and she went home early citing that she didn't get in the way if we were out on the pull. So I am not sure if I'm friend zoned.

    Girl B: Met her recently at one of the meetup groups and she came over to talk to me initially and got on well with her. Met up with her again and she was laughing at all my really bad jokes which is always a good sign. She got my phone and added her self on my FB. One of my mates said to me I was getting on well with her and should ask her if wants to meet up again but I just couldn't force myself to do it.

    This is not the first time this has happened but yet I still cannot force myself to do anything about which makes it really frustrating.

    How can I overcome his fear?


Comments

  • #2
    folamh
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 787 ✭✭✭folamh


    MissingOut wrote: »
    Girl A: Known her a few months and every time I meet up with her she is always sitting/standing so close to me she is touching me and done a fair it of flirting. I've been texting her a fair bit and met up with her a few times with just the two of us. But I have never asked her out or anything of fear of rejection or it not working and making things awkward in our group. The group was out recently for my birthday and she went home early citing that she didn't get in the way if we were out on the pull. So I am not sure if I'm friend zoned.

    Girl B: Met her recently at one of the meetup groups and she came over to talk to me initially and got on well with her. Met up with her again and she was laughing at all my really bad jokes which is always a good sign. She got my phone and added her self on my FB. One of my mates said to me I was getting on well with her and should ask her if wants to meet up again but I just couldn't force myself to do it.
    Do you have everything to gain and nothing to lose? Tell her "I like you. Do you want to go for coffee this week?" If she likes you (which it sounds like she does), she will take you up on it. If she doesn't, she'll say something like she's flattered but just wants to be friends. Then you'll say that's fine smiley face. The worst that can happen is actually not that bad at all.

    And try not to take people so seriously. I swear that is the root of social anxiety. One piece of advice I've benefited from is that people are far too concerned about *themselves* to give a crap about you. If someone embarrassed themselves in front of you, you're not going to spend your time thinking "oh my god I can't believe she did this and said that" No, you're going to forget about it and worry about yourself.

    Take all of that useless anxiety and shyness, bundle it up and throw it out the window. Life's too short to miss any more opportunities.


  • #3
    New Home
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 77,361 Mod ✭✭✭✭New Home


    The only thing you know for sure is that if you don't ask her, the answer is definitely not. If you do ask her, you still have at least one chance that she might accept. So give it a try, it's only a coffee/chat/date, not a marriage proposal...

    Also, I wouldn't be so quick to think you've been friend-zoned by girl A. She sounded a bit jealous to me... :)


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