Feel kind of bad for feeling so good

kylith

I split up with my partner of 6 years last night and, since I have, I've felt really good. BFF says it's because I've made the right choice, and she's right. He had me in tears several times with his behaviour, and something he did over the weekend brought it home to me that he didn't really give a damn about me. I have a smile on my face today, I'm singing along to the radio, and I'm browsing recipe sites (he had a severely restricted diet) making mental notes of everything I can make for myself now. I'm mentally redecorating the bedroom now I don't have to compromise.

In fact, I feel so good that I feel bad about it. I know he's there now, packing his bags and looking for somewhere to live, and I feel guilty for feeling fantastic. Do you know what I mean?

ancapailldorcha

kylith wrote: »

I split up with my partner of 6 years last night and, since I have, I've felt really good. BFF says it's because I've made the right choice, and she's right. He had me in tears several times with his behaviour, and something he did over the weekend brought it home to me that he didn't really give a damn about me. I have a smile on my face today, I'm singing along to the radio, and I'm browsing recipe sites (he had a severely restricted diet) making mental notes of everything I can make for myself now. I'm mentally redecorating the bedroom now I don't have to compromise.

In fact, I feel so good that I feel bad about it. I know he's there now, packing his bags and looking for somewhere to live, and I feel guilty for feeling fantastic. Do you know what I mean?

I don't see what you've to feel bad about. Enjoy your newfound freedom both culinary and otherwise!

skallywag

Good luck with that OP, and I hope you continue to feel well about things, breaking up with a long term partner can be a real emotional roller-coaster.

kylith wrote: »

...I'm mentally redecorating the bedroom now I don't have to compromise....

... he's there now, packing his bags and looking for somewhere to live...

Would I be correct in assuming so that you solely own the property that you live in? Definitely makes things easier if that is the case.

Merkin

I think extricating yourself from something you know is not going to work is really liberating. Of course the end of any relationship isn't without it's moments of disappointment or sadness or what have you but you've probably thought about this for a while and you're feeling relief too! I split up with a long term boyfriend too a few years ago and I remember just feeling delighted that it was finally over. Go and enjoy yourself and don't look back!

kylith

skallywag wrote: »

Good luck with that OP, and I hope you continue to feel well about things, breaking up with a long term partner can be a real emotional roller-coaster.



Would I be correct in assuming so that you solely own the property that you live in? Definitely makes things easier if that is the case.

Yes, it's a house owned by my father. I can imagine I'd be feeling differently if I also had to find somewhere to live.

miamee

I would say that feeling so good means that you have definitely made the right choice for yourself. You are happy in the knowledge that you have taken control and made a move that you have probably been thinking about for quite some time (I'm guessing).

sam34

I was in a similar situation years ago and I recall thinking that it was like I had invented a time machine, I felt so much younger and so carefree after ending the relationship.

Well done OP

It's a weight off your shoulders that you didn't realise was so heavy OP, executing the decision must have been hard to anticipate and now it's over of course you feel liberated and unburdened. Things that don't work can drain you so badly, now you're free to be happy.

It's human, not bad.

Leogirl

I'm in a similar position - although we werent together as long as that - and I feel quite relieved & looking forward to my freedom again. I think its a definite sign things werent right. I have not shed a tear in the 2 weeks since it happened. Might be hard to see him when he picks up the rest of his stuff next week but I think I'll get over it.

Looking forward to some nights out - feeling totally free again!!:D Good luck - I hope it continues to feel positive & good for you!:)

kylith

Had a couple of teary moments, though not one fell, when I caught myself checking the ingredients on something for allergens, then realised I don't have to do that any more so I bought myself some Ben & Jerry's, which I haven't been able to buy for years.

He's staying in the spare room for the next couple of nights while he looks for somewhere to live. It'll be weird to be in the house by myself.

kylith

Been sleeping really well the last few nights, really deeply and soundly. Usually I'd wake before the alarm, but I haven't been this week. I can think of two reasons this might be; I'm not lying awake when I go to bed trying to ignore a feeling of sucking doom, and no-one is invading my space (I'm not a huggy sleeper).

I'm shortly going to have to buy a new bed though, since this one is his. Trying to work out what kind I want.

shalalala

I am so happy for you! Enjoy it! I think I would feel that way if I had been the one to end my relationship but it seemed I had resigned myself to unhappiness. So when the person that treated me badly left me it was more of a shock then a normal break up.

Enjoy redecorating and eating whatever you want. You might feel lonely sometimes but remember the times you felt lonely with him.

RubyGlee

I thinks its great. It was the right choice and now you can look forward to some you time and planning new things

Neyite

Ah, I had one of those break ups too. Never regretted it for a moment, and felt like a massive weight had dropped from my shoulders.

youtube!

I just know my friends sister wants to throw out the miserable fat oaf leech of a boyfriend she is with for the last 8 yrs, he wont get a job he wont help around the house just sits there all day playing computer games, he has no friends or hobbies and essentially is the dullest and most selfish person I think I have ever met, problem is they have 2 kids under 5 so its not so easy just to throw him out, when kids come along it gets a whole lot more complicated thats for damn sure, anyone reading this thinking along the same lines as OP would do well to remember this before they have them! Could end up just like my poor friends sis...

Corkgirl210

I felt the same after a 5 year relationship.. I guess you don't know how you really feel until it is over.. I knew then it was over for good and I felt relieved.. I was still grieving him after it but not for very long.. goes to show some relationships are just not meant to be.. ex sent a text over weekend asking me to go on a night out but that moment of intense relief/happiness (even amongst the sadness) I felt whilst walking out the door after we finished keeps me from ever going back - NEVER!!! ...

My advice to you... Trust how you feel and know it is telling you something! ;o)

kylith

youtube! wrote: »

I just know my friends sister wants to throw out the miserable fat oaf leech of a boyfriend she is with for the last 8 yrs, he wont get a job he wont help around the house just sits there all day playing computer games, he has no friends or hobbies and essentially is the dullest and most selfish person I think I have ever met, problem is they have 2 kids under 5 so its not so easy just to throw him out, when kids come along it gets a whole lot more complicated thats for damn sure, anyone reading this thinking along the same lines as OP would do well to remember this before they have them! Could end up just like my poor friends sis...

That was a large part of why I did it, I want to have kids and, ideally, would have started trying early next year. Then a few months ago I had a bit of a breakdown and realised that even though we both worked I did everything - walked the dogs, cooked the dinner, did the washing, did any housework, did any DIY necessary. He promised he'd help more, he didn't. Then he lost his job and didn't appear to be in a rush to find a new one. Granted then he took over the dog walking and the cleaning, but everything else was still up to me.

I started wondering whether I'd be left holding down a job, doing all the housework, cooking anything that didn't involve the words 'and chips', and getting the kids ready for crèche, making lunches, arranging school stuff, washing uniforms, the whole shebang, while he sat in his study and complained about never having time for himself. Even thinking about it exhausted me and I knew I had to get out of there before there were children in the offing and I was stuck.

Anyway, I still feel good. My diet now includes the words 'and salad' rather than 'and chips'. Almost all of his stuff is gone. My only worry is arranging someone to let the dogs out while I'm at work.

blue note

OP, I hope ye don't mind a guy posting here, but I saw the thread and I had the very same thing a couple of months ago. I was with a gf for nearly 9 years, in the weeks leading up to finally breaking up I couldn't eat or sleep properly, then when I finally did it, in spite of the upset I left her in I found myself driving home and feeling pretty good about myself!

In the weeks since it's been incredibly weird and my emotions have been going up and down for absolutely no reason the majority of the time. But it's eventually settling down. So if you're anything like me, just have patience with yourself for the next while and don't worry about why you might feel a bit empty on apparent good days and might be in a great mood when everything is going wrong. I'm guessing you're full of a whole heap of conflicting emotions at present, so you probably should be feeling good among other things at this time.

But now that you're single, just be selfish and do whatever you want to do! It's great!

FactCheck

kylith wrote: »

I started wondering whether I'd be left holding down a job, doing all the housework, cooking anything that didn't involve the words 'and chips', and getting the kids ready for crèche, making lunches, arranging school stuff, washing uniforms, the whole shebang, while he sat in his study and complained about never having time for himself.

You would have. I've seen it happen. There is nothing worse than having children with a lazy person. They don't step up to the plate, they get worse. Fair play for realising it in time!

indigo twist

FactCheck wrote: »

You would have. I've seen it happen. There is nothing worse than having children with a lazy person. They don't step up to the plate, they get worse. Fair play for realising it in time!

And they only get lazier, because they have an excuse for it now. And think they deserve a medal for the most menial basic household chores.

Carlos Orange

FactCheck wrote: »

You would have. I've seen it happen. There is nothing worse than having children with a lazy person. They don't step up to the plate, they get worse. Fair play for realising it in time!

Laziness is one thing but surely it is worse to have children with someone who isn't at all interested in having them. Sleepwalking into parenthood because it is easier than saying no is a terrible idea but it is something that happens.

kylith

He moved 99% of his stuff out today. I feel quite.... hollow at the moment. I cried, he cried, we hugged.


...and then there was one...

You'll spread yourself to the whole house in a while, and it'll be filled with you and not hollow. It's probably going to feel a bit lonely for a while, but it's just an adjustment.

Plan that redecoration and those menus

fits

Had a similar experience when terrible long termer broke up some years ago, just felt completely weird for a while after and looking back I wasn't acting myself for quite some time. You will readjust and you'll have good and bad moments but it will take time, and a good bit of it. You're doing great.

iuil1999

I broke up with my partner of 15 years, nearly 2 years ago. It was hard at the start but now I now it was for the best and I would never go back. I'm having a great time. It's hard to get out there as a single person but online dating is a hoot!
The very best of luck to you for the future - sounds like you made the right decision!

iuil1999

I broke up with my partner of 15 years, nearly 2 years ago. It was hard at the start but now I know it was for the best and I would never go back. I'm having a great time. It's hard to get out there as a single person but online dating is a hoot!
The very best of luck to you for the future - sounds like you made the right decision!

kylith

I'm glad you're doing well iuil.

I'm still feeling great. I was kind of expecting the other shoe to drop, so to speak, and to start feeling lonely and miserable, but it hasn't happened.

kylith

I seem to have hit a wee snag. In the last couple of weeks I've started to obsessively crave physical intimacy while at the same time not wanting a ONS and knowing that getting into another relationship would be a terrible idea. I'm really at a loss on how to deal with this.

Tigger99

Get a full body massage. I remember reading after a breakup that it's a good way of getting human skin on skin contact. Obviously there's no sexual contact but the human touch can be hugely comforting. I also found when I really needed a hug I'd ask my friends for one, might seem simplistic but it worked.

If you are missing the sexual side, be kind to yourself, run a bath with sensual oils, if you want, get a s ex toy in Anne summers. There are many different types there.

Most of all what you are feeling is completely to be expected. I'm glad you seem to be doing ok. Mind yourself.

kylith

Unfortunately there are some things that Ms. Summers' finest wares just can't replicate.

Ah well, I'll just have to get over it.

shalalala

kylith wrote: »

Unfortunately there are some things that Ms. Summers' finest wares just can't replicate.

Ah well, I'll just have to get over it.

It hit me about 2 weeks after my breakup. First payday I got a rabbit. It did help but of course it wasn't the same. Sleeping with a hot water bottle helps me. Sounds mad but in my sleepy state I don't miss another human next to me.

The rabbit certainly did stop me making stupid decisions though. Dated 2 guys since the breakup and I think without it I would have slept with them and regretted it!

kylith

The auld rabbit is handy alright, it has saved me from going on hookup websites and doing something I know I'd regret, but while it can replace orgasms it can't replace sex.

LegacyUser

I just got dumped today. We were less than a year together, so it isn't as horrific as it could be, but I still feel like it hasn't sunk in yet. I'm love with him, but he doesn't feel the same.

In a way, I was relieved when he told me because of course you'd rather know and move on, than live in a fool's paradise.

He's a lovely fella, and since he's been so honest with me, makes me fancy him even more

The strangest thing is, the last evening we were together (last week), couldn't have felt nicer while we were in company, or more intimate once we got home. I was happy. Then - bam! - out of the blue, this.

It's fine, I know I will be ok. The thing about me is, I don't get into a relationship easily, and once I do, I am as certain as can be that I really want to be with that person. So if it goes belly up, I also need to feel certain that I made every effort for it and been a good girlfriend. I really, really do feel that at this point.

In other words, since I pretty much got a variation on "It's not you, it's me" speech, I think it really IS him, and not me.

So I would guess all that will stand me in good stead once the reality sinks in.

Gawd, how I'll miss him. I'll miss the sex, yes, the sex was fantastic, but for me it is only a secondary thing to be missed - I really rated this relationship very, very highly in my pathetic pantheon of failed relationships

shuffle65

This feeling too shall pass.. been there, so relieved when I worked up the courage to finish with him, only to feel really down about it a month or so later, wrecked my head for a couple of weeks. Be patient and wait it out. You know deep down that you finished with him for a good reason, hang in there!

kylith

I still feel great, actually. I definitely made the right choice and I haven't regretted it for a second even when I've seen him (well maybe for a fraction of a second). I'm looking forward to moving on now.