When is the right time to move in

Pecker31

Hi All. I am dating my boyfriend since December and I know he is the one, believe me I have had bad relationships so I know! The thing is I live nearly 2 hours from him, all my friends and my family. The time has come to move home but I am so scared. I have a good full time job ~ that I am really bored in. I miss all my friends and my family but am I mad to leave my job when it pays well and its permanent? I am not going to leave without finding something else.

Also is it too soon to move in? I won't be moving until March so we will be over a year together then. We are both in our 30's and both want this.

I just need a shove I suppose!

CaraMay

It's too soon to move. Wait a year and see if you still feel the same.

Tilly

There is no time set in stone to move your relationship to the next level. Do what you and your bf feel is right. My parents got married after 6 months (no shotgun involved ) and were very happily married over 40 yrs till my Dad passed. Do what you feel is right for you.

It's all so exciting, best of luck

Stavro Mueller

Did you post about this issue recently in the last week or so? It just sounds very familiar...

Anyway I think your first priority should be to find another job. It can be hard to take that leap into the unknown but let's face it, unless you want to live where you are and have your boyfriend come down to you, you're going to have to leave this job some time.

Maybe you shouldn't be linking getting a job nearer to home to moving in with your boyfriend. Seeing as you're asking, maybe it's not time yet? You'll have people saying it's too soon, others will say it's as good a time as any. Do what you feel is right, not what other people think. Can you not rent somewhere if you don't want to move in with your parents? Why does a move closer to home have to entail moving in with your boyfriend?

Windorah

Go for it:)

You are big enough and bold enough to know your own mind!! Why wait and put off the inevitable?!

I kissed my now boyfriend on a Saturday and he moved in on Sunday:) Life is short!!

Barely There

Moved in with my GF after 6 months.
That was quite a while ago and we're married over 10yrs.

Move in together whenever it feels comfortable and ignore people who come out with stuff like this -

CaraMay wrote: »

It's too soon to move. Wait a year and see if you still feel the same.

LegacyUser

Perhaps you just haven't mentioned it in your post, but you don't seem to have spoken to him about it. If you have decided for yourself that moving home should mean moving in with him, then obviously you have missed a rather vital step since it will only be the right time to move in when it's the right time for both of you. Your decisions around jobs and moving may not be the stimulus for him that it is for you.

Pecker31

Guessed wrote: »

Perhaps you just haven't mentioned it in your post, but you don't seem to have spoken to him about it. If you have decided for yourself that moving home should mean moving in with him, then obviously you have missed a rather vital step since it will only be the right time to move in when it's the right time for both of you. Your decisions around jobs and moving may not be the stimulus for him that it is for you.

Hi no we have both talked about it and it's what we both want. I just wanted to "air" my thoughts I suppose to different people

Stavro Mueller

Pecker31 wrote: »

Hi no we have both talked about it and it's what we both want. I just wanted to "air" my thoughts I suppose to different people

Why do you feel the need to air your thoughts with random strangers on the internet? It's an issue between you and your boyfriend. Do you feel you need back-up in case your family start telling you it's too soon?

Pecker31

Is that no what's boards is all about. Coming on here, no one knowing you and airing something that you would like an opinion on. I find boards helpful for that and people's opinion matter to me, I'm nearly 32 so no my parents don't come into it regarding there permission there very happy for me. Just wanted to outline my fears and worries and see was I alone.

Thanks for your input tho!

LegacyUser

Pecker31 wrote: »

Hi no we have both talked about it and it's what we both want. I just wanted to "air" my thoughts I suppose to different people

In that case it would seem that "how soon is it right to move in" is an irrelevant question for you, it's already been answered and your focus should be on the practicalities of finding work that suits when you do move in or staying where you are for work reasons.

CaraMay

Barely There wrote: »

Moved in with my GF after 6 months.
That was quite a while ago and we're married over 10yrs.

Move in together whenever it feels comfortable and ignore people who come out with stuff like this -

I moved in with my oh after 5 months but I wasn't 'so scared' doing it. I'm telling her to wait on the basis that she is 'scared' plus repeatedly posting new theads on the issue. If you don't know what to do then do nothing. It would be a lot to give up if she isn't sure and whats the hurry??

Op have you talked about the future beyond living together? Do you want marriage and kids? Does he? Is your timeline the same? All this needs to be ironed out before you move in.

Pecker31

CaraMay wrote: »

I moved in with my oh after 5 months but I wasn't 'so scared' doing it. I'm telling her to wait on the basis that she is 'scared' plus repeatedly posting new theads on the issue. If you don't know what to do then do nothing. It would be a lot to give up if she isn't sure and whats the hurry??

Op have you talked about the future beyond living together? Do you want marriage and kids? Does he? Is your timeline the same? All this needs to be ironed out before you move in.

Yea we both want the same thing, house, marriage and kids. I say we are together a year but I know him since I was 5. We were neighbours and I moved away and our paths crossed and we stayed together. He's like my lost limb 😊

midnight_train

Hi OP,

I know a lot of people will disagree with me, but I think if you're having doubts you should wait. If you think he's the one for you, what's the rush? It just seems a bit soon to be dropping everything to go move in with him, and if you're really ready to do it, you wouldn't need an extra 'shove' by stranger from the internet. You'd know in your heart that it was the right decision to make.

You know that exciting, new part of the relationship where everything is fresh and different? You only get that once. Yes, if it's the right person for you, that excitement will eventually mature and turn into something deeper and long-lasting. But that initial, dating/courtship/butterflies in stomach, etc, feeling you just get once. Enjoy that part, stretch it out - you'll have the rest of your life to live with him if that's what you want. Things do change once you live with someone, you can quickly become more settled, cozy nights on the couch, etc. That's great, don't get me wrong, but why not enjoy the dating part of your relationship for a while longer while you can?

I'm saying this out of my own experience, of course. When I was in my early 30s, I met someone who I was convinced was the one, whirlwind relationship, engagement, I dropped everything to move and be with him, after moving in I realized he wasn't actually who I thought he was and if I'd just slowed down a bit and dated him, I would have figure that out a lot sooner.

A bit older and wiser now, I am going out with a guy who I ADORE and I really, really hope is the one, but am thoroughly enjoying taking it slowly and I can honestly say that each day I'm with him is better than the last. I hope we do move in together eventually (we're together just over a year), but I'm enjoying this part so much that I want it to last for a bit longer!

Good luck with your decision.