Pregnant wife accusing me of all sorts

LegacyUser

Hi

Looking for other people's opinions/advice/experience on this.

Last week I had a weekend away with the lads and in doing so spent a bit more money than I budgeted for. While texting my wife on the second day I was away, I did mention that I'd spent more money than I had planned as I like to be honest and that there were no shocks down the line when I inevitably run out of funds. This was a mistake as that left her the rest of the weekend to overthink what I had spent the money on. I had also told her we had visited a strip club as it was a stag do. I've been on many stag does and more often than not we end up in a strip club, she's well aware of this and never seemed to have a problem with it before.

When I returned, happy with myself that I wasn't completely wrecked and thinking we could go out and do something that evening, I was met with accusations of getting prostitutes or another hotel room to bring women back to. This came totally out of left field!

I have no history of doing either of the above and also got the fact that I was sharing a room with one of the lads who can confirm I was in my own bed alone each night but this doesn't seem to matter.

I know pregnant women can become irrational but this is way over the top and she is not backing down from her stance. I'm trying not to get into heated arguments with her but she refuses to talk to me until I admit what I've done which is nothing. I have already apologised about going to the strip club and explained that I wasn't going to say no after many drinks and on a stag party.

Any advise on this would be appreciated.

Thanks for reading

Brad

ameee

As a mother of three i can tell you each time i was pregnant my hormones were crazy and i was very irrational to the point i knew i was over reacting about things but really couldnt help how i felt about things. That being said your wife is probably feeling unattractive and insecure about her body and knowing you may not be as attracted to her as usual and hanging around strippers is bound to upset her i know it would upset me though my husband would have more respect for me then to go to a strip vlub at the best of times never mind when im carrying his child. Might be time to prioritise your family over lads stag weekends.

LegacyUser

Hormones... There's no stopping them! Obviously her mind is going 90 because you overspent, now she's probably wondering what exactly you overspent on. Since you went to a strip club do you not think maybe she's putting 2 and 2 together and getting 5?

I really dont think she's over-reacting that bad. She's pregnant. She's hormonal. Probably not feeling right about herself, feeling fat and unattractive. You going to a strip club isn't going to make her feel delighted with life now is it?

ElleEm

ameee wrote: »

As a mother of three i can tell you each time i was pregnant my hormones were crazy and i was very irrational to the point i knew i was over reacting about things but really couldnt help how i felt about things. That being said your wife is probably feeling unattractive and insecure about her body and knowing you may not be as attracted to her as usual and hanging around strippers is bound to upset her i know it would upset me though my husband would have more respect for me then to go to a strip vlub at the best of times never mind when im carrying his child. Might be time to prioritise your family over lads stag weekends.

I don't think this is fair. The OP has every right to still spend time with his friends. It is not like his friends would have stag parties every weekend. The OP has also stated that he has gone to strip clubs on stag weekends before with no issue from his wife, so her reaction is very clearly irrational. You are projecting your own view onto this.

OP, I know myself if I am being PMSy or hormonal, I certainly don't like to be told! Keep trying to chat with your wife. It very well may be the hormones, or her lowered self esteem, so try to be kind to her in your responses. Keep chipping away at chatting to her like normal, and don't get into screaming matches. If she keeps trying to push for a "confession", just repeat that you have nothing to confess to. Hopefully she will come around.

indigo twist

I feel really sorry for your wife if you think SHE'S the one being irrational, when you left her alone for a weekend while she's pregnant (and likely feeling quite vulnerable as it is), so that you could go off to a strip club with your mates spending money that (you've implied) you can't afford.

Couldn't you have just gone along for one night (preferably a night that they weren't going to a strip club) ... I'm sure if you explained to your friends that you have responsibilities now, you are married with a kid on the way, and it's not appropriate of you to be visiting strip clubs ... I'm pretty sure, if they're decent friends, they'd understand this.

ash23

Can you vouch for where the extra money was spent?

I think most people would be wondering about a big spend when a strip club is involved.
If it was enough extra for her to think you could afford a prostitute or another hotel room then I'm assuming it was a pretty big amount?

Have you explained where the money went or why you needed more than the amount you had allocated for the night?

Barely There

Going to a strip club to ogle the nubile naked bodies of young eastern European women while your pregnant wife is at home is not generally considered an ideal means of achieving marital harmony.

You shouldn't really need to have this explained to you.

In short, apologise profusley, reassure your wife and lay off the strip clubs.

diveout

You impulsively over spent and made irrational decisions with money and you are not even pregnant....and you are calling her irrational. :rolleyes:

skallywag

It does indeed appear that she is being completely unreasonable/irrational OP, but considering her condition I feel that you need to cut her some slack, bite your lip, and just hopes it blows over.

Take no notice whatsoever to those taking the ''how dare you leave your poor pregnant wife alone for a weekend" line, she's pregnant, not critically ill.

iusedtoknow

indigo twist wrote: »

I feel really sorry for your wife if you think SHE'S the one being irrational, when you left her alone for a weekend while she's pregnant (and likely feeling quite vulnerable as it is), so that you could go off to a strip club with your mates spending money that (you've implied) you can't afford.

Couldn't you have just gone along for one night (preferably a night that they weren't going to a strip club) ... I'm sure if you explained to your friends that you have responsibilities now, you are married with a kid on the way, and it's not appropriate of you to be visiting strip clubs ... I'm pretty sure, if they're decent friends, they'd understand this.

She's pregnant, not dying of terminal cancer. Once the "danger" period of the first few weeks are over life can resume a normal albeit modified rhythm. When my wife was pregnant (which subsequently miscarried late term) i went away for 3 weeks for a preplanned work trip and she flew back to Spain from the US for her sisters hen party, which looked like a boozy affair from the photos (not for the wife, she doesn't drink anyway)

Sure the money thing is a bit of a worry, but in fairness as much as this was a stag, it could also be seen as a blowout before the other responsibilities of fatherhood take over But hormones or not, she is acting irrationally by implying anything else. I think the best advise is below, just keep chipping away at it until it's no longer there. Just don't lose your rag with her, while irrational, it is still hormonal and not her real self

pwurple

Brad2014 wrote: »

I did mention that I'd spent more money than I had planned as I like to be honest and that there were no shocks down the line when I inevitably run out of funds.

Hi Brad, what does the bit above mean, about running out of funds? Does it mean running out of funds so you can't pay the cc bill or the mortgage? Running out of money so she can't buy a buggy for the baby?

I'd be fairly livid if I got a call from my husband on a weekend away to tell me I should be prepared for having no money because he gave it all to a stripper.

Tigger99

There are a few issues at play here. Perhaps the strip club is more emotive now as she feels less attractive while pregnant – extra weight, stretch marks etc and she imagines you drooling over young attractive women which makes her feel worse. I’m not saying that you were, just looking at it from her point of view. Maybe the hormones are affecting her and she felt lonely at the weekend, maybe she’s worried about the extra money, or perhaps reading too much into your behaviour and thinking that you are becoming irresponsible when you are just about to have a child.
But it is a horrible thing to be accused of. I would absolutely not apologise for something you didn’t do. I would however re-assure you that you love her and maybe just give her a bit extra tlc for the next while.

I don’t know how open she would be to this but if it was my partner I’d be offended at first but glad he said it – to say that maybe the body changes etc (don’t mention hormones!!) during the pregnancy are affecting her but that its not fair or right to be accused of cheating or for her to stand fastly refuse to believe you. A marriage has to be based on trust and respect.

txt_mess

indigo twist wrote: »

I feel really sorry for your wife if you think SHE'S the one being irrational, when you left her alone for a weekend while she's pregnant (and likely feeling quite vulnerable as it is), so that you could go off to a strip club with your mates spending money that (you've implied) you can't afford.

Couldn't you have just gone along for one night (preferably a night that they weren't going to a strip club) ... I'm sure if you explained to your friends that you have responsibilities now, you are married with a kid on the way, and it's not appropriate of you to be visiting strip clubs ... I'm pretty sure, if they're decent friends, they'd understand this.

As a husband and father of 3, I am sorry but you're just plain wrong. Just because you have a pregnant wife does not mean the world stops turning. In fact on my wife's last pregnancy my wife went on a couple of hens why wouldn't she continue to live her life and I would have if any stags had have come up.

If my wife was sick in the pregnancy that would be a different situation btw.

On the question of strip clubs this guy was very honest with his wife sharing what went on , from what he has said this topic was brought up before on other stags without objection so why would he assume any different this time. Also ladies on hens nights go to strip shows aswell in case you forget.

If his wife had a newly found moral objection to strip clubs then she should have raised it prior to the trip so her husband could discuss and act.

@Poster Sorry I can't help but women are under a lot of stress and hormones when they are pregnant and can be irrational in their approach without warning. The fact that you are being accused of cheating etc without any reason shows your wife needs to be allowed time to calm down and realise what she is accusing you of and the best advice would be to let it go and not give out to her when she finally does but chalk it up to experience.

pc7

Well I'm currently a pregnant wife and I wouldn't want my husband not to go to stags or see his friends as normal, I think some of the responses are really being ott and tough on you.
I think just keep reassuring her that nothing untoward went on, you were boozing and the rest that happens on stags, but that you didn't blow the few bob on strippers, hookers or other women. You have no way to prove this to her other than your word which has been golden up until now.

reprazant

diveout wrote: »

You impulsively over spent and made irrational decisions with money and you are not even pregnant....and you are calling her irrational. :rolleyes:

What does this even mean. Have you never spent more money that you planned to on a shopping trip in town let alone on a weekend away?

Queen-Mise

OP - your wife is being completely irrational and it is hormone fuelled.

I turned into a complete looper for my two pregnancies. There is a reason why I didn't have any more children :rolleyes: Don't think the husband and/or marriage would have survived another one.

And of course nubile young ladies versus big, fat, pregnant body is going to create serious self-esteem issues.

Grit your teeth, keep repeating the same stuff, you were in company each night in the shared room.

And treat her to something.

LegacyUser

I say this as a female - I think your wife is being utterly irrational and unreasonable. The only possible reason I can think of that there might be some reason for her behaviour is if you've behaved inappropriately in the past, cheating or being disrespectful in comparing her unfavourably to other women.

Being pregnant is not an excuse for bad behaviour or treating your partner nastily. This reminds me of those posts that read "I'm so PMS sometimes that I'm such a b*tch to my BF lol". Really grinds my gears.

If she had no issue with you going to stag weekends / strip clubs before she was pregnant, and unless you blew the mortgage / grocery money on food, then I don't see why you should have to accept her behaviour or pander to it.

IlmoNT4

How much money did you spend and does that have an impact on paying bills and plans for the future?

I dont think pregnancy should be used as an excuse to be nasty to your partner but then she could have other things going on for her, if she hasnt had issues with strip clubs before then I cant imagine she has a problem with them know, unless you spent a serious amount of money thats going to cause problems for your family.

diveout

reprazant wrote: »

What does this even mean. Have you never spent more money that you planned to on a shopping trip in town let alone on a weekend away?

Yes and it is irrational emotional spending.

But to behave irrationally and then start pointing fingers at at pregnant woman for being irrational really does take it.

Neyite

She is probably wondering if the extra money you spent DID go on a stripper, so you need to detail exactly where it did go.

She had no problem with strip clubs before pregnancy so if she is going to move the goalposts on you now, she needed to communicate that to you. And I say that as someone who cannot stand these types of clubs and thinks they are sleazy and exploitative and degrading to women.

It might be the final straw in maybe what she would see as immature behaviour coming from you when she maybe has been trying to save for baby things, or where she feels you are unsupportive of her during pregnancy. But you need to talk to her to find out.