Friends going away party issue and myself and my family.

LegacyUser

I often post on PI and need a bit of advice myself.
I'll keep this as short as possible. I'm in my twenties and a couple of years ago. I started a college course that I thought I'd like. I gave it my best and I hated it. During college I went from a quite guy in secondary school into a drug taking guy who consumed alot alcohol every week in college. At the time I thought I was happy but I wasn't one bit which took me a while to relies. At the start of college I made one or two group of friends. One group sort of went different ways after first year and the other I stayed in contact with more so. Especially with one girl. Well call her Kate.
Kate and me first met in September 2011. Kate was nasty to me at our first class party and called me a weirdo and said I was ugly to people. This knocked me confidence a bit but I got over it and I'm a forgiving person. One day I bumped into Kate at a bus stop and we got chatting and we really hit it off. We got on great togerher. If I'm being honest Kate really introduced me to alcohol. Everything involved alcohol. Whilst I was a happy drunk. She wasnt . she often got violent with me, burnt me with cigarettes/hit me/etc if she didn't get her way. She was always wanted to sleep with me but I told her I was gay and then she threatened to tell the whole class. If I'm being honest I had good times with her when she was sober but if she was drunk she was a different person. I decided I'd distance myself from Kate a little bit in 2nd year of college and we actually got on better. I knew in january/Feb 2013 that I'd be leaving the course in May. I told Kate I was considering this and she flipped. She said shed out me to everybody and that she hated me/etc if I did leave the course. I left the course in May 2013. I just decides she could do her worst. I honestly didn't care.
Since then I have kept in contact with her via the phone /internet/met her during the day in a shopping centre. In this period I've giving up alcohol/drugs(I only took them a few time but never plan to again)/smoking/improved my diet and have lost weight I'm honestly a lot happier. Kate has announced she going to the states for a couple of months in October and shes having a party.

My father got diagnosed with cancer earlier this year and he's going to be fine but he'll be having trearement at the time of the party. I'm not meant to tell anybody about my dad's condition and I respect his wishes. I'm not that pushed about the party. I know its just going to be full of drug taking and drinking. I told the girl I might be able to attend and she sent me a message basically saying if I don't go she'll hate me and she wishes I was dead.

Any advice please?

Well she threatened you before and you called her bluff. I don't know why you keep spending time with someone who treats you so badly? There's a difference between being forgiving and actively including someone who treats you like sh!t in your life.
Of course you shouldn't go to the party. Why would you go to the party of someone who says such things

strobe

Advice? She's a bit of a ****ing nut. I think you can see this. At the very least she's a selfish, self centred, controlling cvnt.

Why are you 'friends' with this person?

Penny Tration

Did you post about this girl before, op? I remember a very similar thread. Why are you even contact with such a horrible, abusive person?

Just block her on everything.

Tokyo

Not only would I not be going to the party OP, but I'd be taking every step possible to remove this person from your life completely. She has been a negative element from the get-go, has physically assaulted you to the extreme and has threatened to out you to family and friends because you wouldn't sleep with her. That's not somebody you want in your life.

Focus on your family. And your friends that care about you. This person is quite obviously neither of those.

Stavro Mueller

OP, how did your other friends treat you? Were they nice to you or did they treat you in an "off" way? I can't even begin to comprehend why you would consider Kate to be your friend. You must have a very warped understanding/experience of what friendship is.

Kate sounds like a very nasty piece of work and someone you should've given a wide berth from Day 1. How's your self-esteem? Do you have friends now? The only reason I can think that you'd be willing to give this woman the time of day is desperation/loneliness and low self-esteem. No sane person would come within a mile of a toxic vindictive woman like Kate. Why oh why did you stay in touch with her after she emotionally and physically abused you?

That you can't see how utterly appalling this woman is as a person and that you don't appear to have the strength to stand up to her is something you should ponder long and hard about. Oh and in answer to your question, of course you shouldn't go to her party. Let the witch hate you all she likes. She already does only you're too blind/deluded to see it. Needless to say, you should be taking steps to cut her completely out of your life. If it means changing your phone number so be it.

LegacyUser

Hi! It's the OP again.
My other friends don't treat me like Kate does.
When I did she her a lot they were some good times but all of these it was just me and her. I've noticed other people falling out with her(particularly girls) I've really cut contact with the girl over the past year. I'm the sort of person tough that would feel bad if I blocked her on everything and something bad happenedhappened to her.
Her parents on the other hand are really nice people and I could chat to them for hours.

P_1

Be happy that she's pissing off to the States, don't go to her party and just cut her out of your life.

Rubberchikken

I dont think you need someone like this Kate in your life.
You're getting your life together, you're trying to deal with your dad's illness, this girl is no friend and tbh just let her go right oyt of your life.

Good luck

Stavro Mueller

friendsparty wrote: »

When I did she her a lot they were some good times but all of these it was just me and her. I've noticed other people falling out with her(particularly girls) I've really cut contact with the girl over the past year. I'm the sort of person though that would feel bad if I blocked her on everything and something bad happened to her.
Her parents on the other hand are really nice people and I could chat to them for hours.

If you had written this post and used the word "girlfriend" rather than "friend", this thread would've lit up like a Christmas tree with people advising you to leave Kate. You might've been asked to contact AMEN which is a charity that helps men who are victims of domestic violence. Actually, I think it would be worth you spending a few minute looking at this. It might help you understand just how wrong things are between you and Kate http://amen.ie/q_and_a.html#1 Kate's getting off on treating you like crap and knowing that she has a hold over you.

It doesn't surprise me that she has fallen out with other people. Most folk aren't prepared to put up with the verbal abuse, violence and other crap that you have.

I don't know what sort of hold Kate has over you but it's unhealthy. I think you should seek professional help e.g. counselling. Not just for this Kate issue but because you don't seem to understand boundaries very well. You described yourself as being a forgiving person. How would you feel if I tossed the word "doormat" in your direction. Can you give me reasons why you're not a doormat?

If anything happens to Kate, she's got her parents and other friends to turn to. Let's face it, you're afraid to cut the cord because you're addicted to the drama. So what if her parents are lovely people. Maybe the parents of those ISIS nutjobs are lovely people as well.

And finally - think about her reaction to your not going to the party. Normal people are disappointed that their friend can't come along and that's the end of that. This woman's response is to threaten you in a vile manner. Can you not see why this is wrong?

Seriously, you need to get professional help.

Big Bag of Chips

Just tell her you are going and then don't show up. Honestly, you are not important enough in her life for her to actually care. I don't mean that to be bad. She is too self absorbed to care about anyone. Everyone around her are just tools. Tools to use to her advantage. You are invited to her drinks, not because she loves you and wants you there. You are invited to make up numbers. To make her look popular. Just like everyone else invited.

Stop answering her calls or texts. Don't block her on things if it would make you feel guilty, but just stop interacting with her. 'Hide' her if you need to. She treats you that way because you allow it. She hasn't many friends because she treated them badly and they wouldn't tolerate it. I feel sad that you somehow feel responsible for her. She's well capable of looking after herself.

There's no need for some big dramatic "split". Just let the friendship fizzle out. If she's not getting the attention she craves from you, she'll move on to the next misfortunate. Just like the one before you, and the one before that etc.

LegacyUser

I haven't seen the girl in the past few months.
I've only spoken to her on the phone about 5 times this year and I hardly contacted at all on Facebook/testing so contact is at an all time low. The last time I was in contact with her was back around July and that was only a few words. She contacted me about the party.
I've decided not to go to the party and she can do her worst. I won't bother changing my number/etc but I won't contact her again.

Rubberchikken

Sounds like you may be the only person willing to put up with this girl as she keeps coming back, but you're right to stay away. Don't let yourself get sucked back in.

Good luck

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice guys!

Catari Jaguar

What kind of self obsessed twat throws themselves a going away party for a couple of months?? Oh, this self obsessed twat. OP, drop her like a hot potato, she sounds unhinged. With friends like that who needs enemies?