Don't know what happened!

CircusCornetto

So basically, I met this guy and we exchanged numbers and started texting. We had a lot in common and after a week or so he asked me out to dinner. I was delighted and the dinner went very well. We went out for drinks after and talked all night about everything from our families to philosophy. The next morning he texted saying how much he enjoyed the date and how he couldn't wait for the next one. About 2 weeks later of texting all the time I suggested we go on another date. He agreed and we went out again and had a brilliant time. There were no awkward silences and I found myself falling for him. At the end of the night he dropped me home and even kissed me. The next morning I was expecting a text from him, but that never came. After a couple of days I thought that he was waiting for me to text him, so I did and got no reply. That was 2 weeks ago and I have still heard nothing. If he has time to update his facebook page then surely he has the time to send me a text. I want to send him a message asking what happened, but my friends have told me that he might think that I'm a crazy woman or something. I just think that after more than a month of non stop texting and 2 great dates that I deserve an explanation.

I know that most people will just tell me to get over it but I would like some advice as I did really like him!

Tokyo

CircusCornetto wrote: »

I know that most people will just tell me to get over it but I would like some advice as I did really like him!

Unfortunately OP, the advice in this case is to get over it and move on. If the guy is updating facebook and such since, then it doesn't sounds like any huge family emergency or similar came up that's pulled him away - he's actively choosing not to contact you for whatever reason.

Short of calling him out on it there's no real way of finding out why, but even if there was, would it really matter? The guy doesn't respect you enough not to leave you hanging in limbo - even if he called tonight after all that, would an explanation really make any difference?

Best thing you can do is try not to dwell on it and move on...

LegacyUser

Every word you exchanged, everything that happened on the dates, the kiss, all of it added together, doesn't tell you half as much about this guy as the fact of how he has behaved since you last saw him. Talk is cheap, actions tell you what you need to know. You're well shut of him.

Stavro Mueller

I don't think asking for an explanation will work either. If he's deliberately avoiding you (as he appears to be), he's either going to ignore your message or come up with some sort of bs excuse that won't leave you any the wiser. The bottom line, unfortunately, is that he doesn't like you as much as you like him.

Neon_Lights

CircusCornetto wrote: »

So basically, I met this guy and we exchanged numbers and started texting. We had a lot in common and after a week or so he asked me out to dinner. I was delighted and the dinner went very well. We went out for drinks after and talked all night about everything from our families to philosophy. The next morning he texted saying how much he enjoyed the date and how he couldn't wait for the next one. About 2 weeks later of texting all the time I suggested we go on another date. He agreed and we went out again and had a brilliant time. There were no awkward silences and I found myself falling for him. At the end of the night he dropped me home and even kissed me. The next morning I was expecting a text from him, but that never came. After a couple of days I thought that he was waiting for me to text him, so I did and got no reply. That was 2 weeks ago and I have still heard nothing. If he has time to update his facebook page then surely he has the time to send me a text. I want to send him a message asking what happened, but my friends have told me that he might think that I'm a crazy woman or something. I just think that after more than a month of non stop texting and 2 great dates that I deserve an explanation.

I know that most people will just tell me to get over it but I would like some advice as I did really like him!

The problem here is simple, you either didnt put out or if you did it wasnt good enough.

dellas1979

Neon_Lights wrote: »

The problem here is simple, you either didnt put out or if you did it wasnt good enough.

OP please ignore that (rather strange) comment. I feel that is a projection of that poster on their experiences and expectations.

Yes, it could be that sparks werent flying for him. But you didnt do anything wrong and you, by far, are not the problem. Simply put, sometimes these things just dont work out, for what ever the reason. You need to feel a bit sad (it didnt work out) and then move on.

Neon_Lights

dellas1979 wrote: »

OP please ignore that (rather strange) comment.

Is sex a stranger in your life?

desbrook

The most probable scenario is that he's met someone else and fancies them more. He wants to hold you in reserve -so he doesn't do the decent thing and text you that he's not interested. Instead he makes no contact in the belief that if the other wan dumps him he can give you another whirl.

Sorry it's so cold and calculating but that's probably what's going on. Was it online dating OP?

dellas1979

Neon_Lights wrote: »

Is sex a stranger in your life?

I think thats another projection/insecurity of yours.
Good luck with it all buddy.

Neon_Lights

dellas1979 wrote: »

I think thats another projection/insecurity of yours.
Good luck with it all buddy.

I think your pushing your own insecurities onto me, would you like to talk about it?

Saralee4

it could be any reason OP. He could have been seeing another girl, have family issues etc. You will probably never know. He could still contact you although it seems unlikely.

I would say definitely don't contact him. He has your number so if he wants to contact you then he will. I think if a man genuinely likes a girl then he will make it happen.

if you contact him:

1) he will answer and give you a reason why he doesn't want to see you again
2) he wont respond
3) he will respond and say he wants to go out again

If he did want to go again though he would contact you and wouldn't leave it that long.

Keep your pride and don't let him know that it bothered you by contacting him. If he doesn't want to go out again then its his loss.

dellas1979

Neon_Lights wrote: »

I think your pushing your own insecurities onto me, would you like to talk about it?

Indeed Neon_lights, I think I hit a nerve with you.

But, in good faith, and to go back to this posters problem, hopefully a mod will be along shortly now.

Tokyo

Neon_Lights - we've discussed your posting style before, quite recently, regarding providing constructive advice. Red carded, and please don't post in this thread again.

dellas1979 - you've also been around here long enough to know to report a post rather than debate it in-thread.

Regards,
Mike

njs030

Op it happens to a lot of people. He's just not interested and you'll never know exactly what happened.
There's no reason to text him- if he's too gutless to have told you already he won't tell you now and you'll feel even worse.

The best thing is to let it go and move on, and try not to get so attached in a short time. 2 dates is really early to be talking about 'falling for him'.

Stavro Mueller

While what Neon_lights said was put quite crudely, there may be a grain of truth to this. Perhaps the lack of rumpy pumpy on the second date was the death knell for this. Which of course means you've had a lucky escape.

LegacyUser

Judge people by their actions not their words OP. He's shown you he's selfish and gutless.

Your friends are right by the way...who cares why he acted like he did or what his explanation is? Asking him to explain what happened is just a euphemism for 'what didn't you like about me/what was wrong with me?' and reeks of insecurity. Him acting the way he did is no reflection on you, its a reflection on him. Hes clearly a spineless individual and thats all you need to know.Why would you want to be with someone like that. Also why on earth are you still friends with him on Facebook?! He's treated you with zero respect why are you still clinging onto contact with him?

Delete his number, delete him from Facebook and find a nice guy who's actions support his words.

Dellnum

I just think it is strange that he said he couldn't wait for another date but let 2 weeks go by and still didnt suggest one and it was only when you suggested it that he agreed to see you again. To me that was the first sign that he was not as interested as he was making out to be, and it was nothing that you said or did or didn't do on the second date that changed his mind. He got on well with you but he wasn't interested in persuing it that's all. I wouldn't dream of asking him what happened, you know what happened and asking him will not change anything.

Merkin

I really wouldn't bother contacting him to ask him what happened as he will undoubtedly feel bad and probably lie and you in turn probably won't believe him. Oftentimes it's a case where there other party simply isn't feeling it you know? Surely you've been on dates, liked the person but you just didn't like them enough to pursue it? It could be that. He could have a girlfriend. He could have an addiction. He could be getting back with an ex. He may be crippled with anxiety. He could be a player. He may have decided he's gay after all. There are MYRIAD reasons as to why he doesn't want another date but after a couple of dates and a snog he doesn't really owe you a detailed explanation. Of course it stings a little and going AWOL is rude and frustrating but if he was interested you'd know about it and his actions has shown you that he's not. That m'dear is fundamentally all you need to know.

ima_believer

Hi Circus.

Firstly let me say that i've been there, more than I care to mention. (not sure thats a reflection of me or what but sure :P )
I have also been the one that didnt like the other person. In those scenarios when they have asked to go on another date etc I was always 100% honest with them.

People just disappearing, in this scenario im going to talk about men cause im a woman, is cowardly. Especially when the other person makes contact.
I know some have said oh but you barely knew them, they dont owe you an explanation, for me this makes it sound like your feelings are totally irrelevant. So what if you like them after "only" 2 dates etc, the point is you like them and they gave you the impression that they like you too when in fact it was an act.

This has happened to me very recently and has clearly pi$$ed me off, a lot.
After the most recent dating upset ive vowed to take a complete break. Period.

Hope that you're feeling better about it soon. EFF him ;-)