Interview bullsh!ting

Mrs Garth Brooks

So i just moved to the UK. I've got some interviews lined up. Like one for the next 5 days straight. I'm not used to this. I've done most of my research on just how to get there and I'm knackered doing this much.

What do I say to them to say how great I am?

Chucken

Tell em how strong you are after all your hubbies concerts were cancelled.

Mrs Garth Brooks

Chucken wrote: »

Tell em how strong you are after all your hubbies concerts were cancelled.

Oh yeah, that'll work.

Specialun

Tell them you can suck a golfball through a hose

Chucken

Mrs Garth Brooks wrote: »

Oh yeah, that'll work.

It might

Celly Smunt

Reflect them through yourself,nothing middle management spunk over more than seeing themselves inside somebody.

Joe Duffy..

Specialun wrote: »

Tell them you can suck a golfball through a hose

Or you can suck the chrome of an exhaust pipe.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

Mrs Garth Brooks wrote: »

Oh yeah, that'll work.

Tell them you've got friends in low places?

Fat Christy

Show them your dick!

Just make sure you don't mention your devotion to Garth Brooks.

Fat Christy

Tell them you can only work 5 days a week, anything less and you can't take the job.

chops018

Just be rude. It always works for me.

I found this worked for me when I went for an interview at a grocery store. My childhood friend, who fell in love, made me move out and got me a job interview and an apartment.

He asked me if I thought "I had what it takes", so I told him "I'll tell ya what I got, your wife's pussy on my breath". He said no one has ever talked to him like that, to which I told him it was probably the result of everyone's mouth usually being in his wife's box. Further impressed with my boldness he then hired me.

Good luck!

kowloon

Five days is a pretty long interview. /Dad Joke

Chucken

kowloon wrote: »

Five days is a pretty long interview. /Dad Joke

/kowloon joke

holystungun9

Tell them that you love lamp. Instahire.

Larianne

I feel your pain OP.
I've an interview Monday and I'm trying to find as many ways as possible to procrastinate about preparing for it.

"JUST GIMMME THE JOB, COZ I'M GREAT, SO I AM!"

Mrs Garth Brooks

Larianne wrote: »

I feel your pain OP.
I've an interview Monday and I'm trying to find as many ways as possible to procrastinate about preparing for it.

"JUST GIMMME THE JOB, COZ I'M GREAT, SO I AM!"

I know, surely I already moved to the UK and I'm travelling to the other side of the country for the interview. Grand I'm doing some sight seeing and touristy things afterwards too. But surely that's enough... But no 100 questions on top of it.

Chucken

Mrs Garth Brooks wrote: »

I know, surely I already moved to the UK and I'm travelling to the other side of the country for the interview. Grand I'm doing some sight seeing and touristy things afterwards too. But surely that's enough... But no 100 questions on top of it.

Sure with all that travelling you might as well have stayed in Ireland.

dr.bollocko

http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en

This power pose stuff actually works.

homemadecider

Try not to mention your all-consuming bitterness about your brothers. It's not very appealing.

In Lonesome Dove

Fat Christy wrote: »

Tell them you can only work 5 days a week, anything less and you can't take the job.

5 or none at all.

In Lonesome Dove

What do you like doing in your spare time?
What are your hobbies and interests?

Garth Brooks and gigging

Tail Docker

dr.bollocko wrote: »

http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en

This power pose stuff actually works.

That's an interesting watch. And she's easy on the eye too.

krudler

"What's your biggest weakness"
"I'm too honest"
"I wouldn't think that's a weakness?"
"I don't give a fuck what you think"


They'll hire you on the spot.

PizzamanIRL

When you enter the room, walk up to the interviewer and put your finger on his lips. Then point at your CV where it says 'Ms' or if there's a gender section, point at 'female' and tell him you'll be waiting for the call. Then walk out.

Ficheall

krudler wrote: »

"What's your biggest weakness"
"I'm too honest"
"I wouldn't think that's a weakness?"
"I don't give a fuck what you think"


They'll hire you on the spot.

Unless they've come across the internet before.

P_1

Larianne wrote: »

I feel your pain OP.
I've an interview Monday and I'm trying to find as many ways as possible to procrastinate about preparing for it.

"JUST GIMMME THE JOB, COZ I'M GREAT, SO I AM!"

Likewise, learning how to speak in HR bullscheisse is almost a job in itself.

And then I realised that the train drivers are still due to strike on Monday. This is not helping matters

fleet_admiral

Make sure you do a wee dab ah speed beforehand




Don't

Stark

kowloon wrote: »

Five days is a pretty long interview. /Dad Joke

Was kind of wondering. Wouldn't put anything past the London crowd. Had an interview process that lasted all weekend there before. (When I was young and stupid and didn't recognise that as a signal to run a mile from the company).

Larianne

Stark wrote: »

Was kind of wondering. Wouldn't put anything past the London crowd. Had an interview process that lasted all weekend there before. (When I was young and stupid and didn't recognise that as a signal to run a mile from the company).

Some sort of Sales/Commission gig?

I've got the strengths, weaknesses and dealing with conflict sorted now.
Working on being a 'team player' now...

Larianne

"why should we pick you?"

Because I'm GREAT!

diomed

Try to disguise that you are a country and western loving culchie.

fermanagh_man

Only one thing for it


http://youtu.be/NQLIU9OiW7U

Panthro

"So how much do you think you're worth?"

(The honest answer....)
Focks like ye have brought me through so many cnutin' hoops from 'initial phone call interviews' to 'informal meet and greets' to actual 'interviews' then 'second' and 'third' interviews up and down the length of this friggin' island only to be given the unenviable 'Unfortunately, on this occasion' email (heck, the last one even went to say that my previous experience was 'very impressive' yet still not good enough for a friggin' Graduate Position!) that my self worth has been decimated into minuscule pieces of jobbridging' or dole queuing shyt I'm willing to work at some God awful hell hole just to get my feckin' toe half ways in the door and on to some sort of a fockin' career path while I wear this frickin' stupid shirt and carry my stupid bloody port folio around like a bloody muppet so shove you're 'how much do you think you're worth' question so far up your hole that it smacks off the back of those veneered fockin' nashers staring back at me you stupid cunnnnt....arrrgghhh!!!




(The Actual answer)
'I'm happy to consider a fair offer'

kowloon

Chucken wrote: »

/kowloon joke

It was a moment of weakness.:o

Mrs Garth Brooks

Well that first interview was a whole lot of balls.

The recruiter gave me the wrong name of the person who was going to be interviewing me. Me: I've got an interview with bla bla bla.

Me being two hours early in the town so I wouldn't get lost.

That went well.

smash

You turned up to an interview 2 hours early?

L'Enfer du Nord

Apparently there's a trend in interviewing towards accessing the candidates suitability for a post based on their personality/compatibility with the team. I was in a cafe recently and there was a youngish guy talking to an older guy sitting right next to me. The young guy was discussing his childhood in a fairly candid way. I was thinking I don't want to hear this, and thought this is strange place for a counciling session. Then I thought maybe this is an addict and his sponsor. It emerged however that it was an interview for an accountancy job!

Mrs Garth Brooks

smash wrote: »

You turned up to an interview 2 hours early?

Well I sat in a cafe until it was time.

antodeco

^^ I bet he didn't count on that


/nudges elbow against arm

Seanachai

L'Enfer du Nord wrote: »

Apparently there's a trend in interviewing towards accessing the candidates suitability for a post based on their personality/compatibility with the team. I was in a cafe recently and there was a youngish guy talking to an older guy sitting right next to me. The young guy was discussing his childhood in a fairly candid way. I was thinking I don't want to hear this, and thought this is strange place for a counciling session. Then I thought maybe this is an addict and his sponsor. It emerged however that it was an interview for an accountancy job!

Sounds like the opening up process before joining a cult!.

preston johnny

Choose life. Choose a job......have an interview

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVp9rKF3hag

seamus

L'Enfer du Nord wrote: »

Apparently there's a trend in interviewing towards accessing the candidates suitability for a post based on their personality/compatibility with the team. I was in a cafe recently and there was a youngish guy talking to an older guy sitting right next to me. The young guy was discussing his childhood in a fairly candid way. I was thinking I don't want to hear this, and thought this is strange place for a counciling session. Then I thought maybe this is an addict and his sponsor. It emerged however that it was an interview for an accountancy job!

I don't know about going to that level of detail, but certainly making sure that a candidate is "our kind of people" is somewhat essential in the process.

As a HR person said to me, "Never hire a brilliant asshole". Someone could be a bloody genius at the job, but if he's a complete prick then his attitude and behaviour will disrupt the work environment and drag down the productivity and morale of the entire team.

In an interview process, the guy who comes across and friendly and enthusiastic despite being slightly underqualified will always win out over the guy with 20 letters after his name who's cocky and aloof.

Donkey Oaty

Mrs Garth Brooks wrote: »

Well I sat in a cafe until it was time.

Can you give us three examples of how you used that time productively, and tell us what you learned from the process?

smash

For interview tips just watch step brothers.

L'Enfer du Nord

seamus wrote: »

I don't know about going to that level of detail, but certainly making sure that a candidate is "our kind of people" is somewhat essential in the process.

As a HR person said to me, "Never hire a brilliant asshole". Someone could be a bloody genius at the job, but if he's a complete prick then his attitude and behaviour will disrupt the work environment and drag down the productivity and morale of the entire team.

In an interview process, the guy who comes across and friendly and enthusiastic despite being slightly underqualified will always win out over the guy with 20 letters after his name who's cocky and aloof.

Indeed, but in my experience there is a particular type of shallow charmer who can do very well at interview because they are great a lying convincingly, telling people what they want to hear and living in the moment. Unfortunately this mendacious creeps are a nightmare to work with.

Mrs Garth Brooks

Donkey Oaty wrote: »

Can you give us three examples of how you used that time productively, and tell us what you learned from the process?

Ahh

1. I read my CV to see how much lies was on it. So I could remember them.
2. I flicked through a college book I had in my bag to remember practical tasks I did.
3. I had some tea.

The whole process was balls and never trust recruiters and double check names before going in.

Happy now?

Export

Blame it all on your roots!

gramar

You need to visit http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057239602

It'll help you prepare for awkward questions.

Pyridine

Celly Smunt wrote: »

Reflect them through yourself,nothing middle management spunk over more than seeing themselves inside somebody.

Jaysus, that sounds like a sexual harrassment charge waiting to happen!

I particularly hate the S.T.A.R. bull:

"Tell me about a time when...."

Eh, just read my cv, it's all in there!

ShagNastii

It is a given rule that somebody that hasn’t got more than"CÚINIS BÓTHAR, CAILIN BÁINNE” instantly becomes fluent in Irish on their CV for an interview abroad.